How do I know ?

[Viavitaperro]

Hi, all, hoping for some guidance.
I wasn't brought up with dogs. I only 'adopted' one when my son ( aged 30) got one, and basically I fell in love. Dog gradually moved in with me. That was 10 years ago.
Dog died earlier this year and I've not known pain like it. After lots of counselling, I'm on the mend. So is my husband.
I feel like I want another ( same breed), but I don't know if I'm on the rebound.
Money not a problem, nor is care ( we both work, but different hours, so there would always be someone here).
We do holiday a lot, but after lots of discussion, we'd rather forego the holidays and just holiday in the UK, like we did with our beloved past Dog.
How long do people wait ? Do we just go with our gut feeling?
I admit I miss my dog so much ( to the point of suicide), so don't want to make a mistake.
Thanks in advance 💔

Sorry - dog died April 2024 x

There’s a dog waiting for a life with you. It’s time.

I'm really sorry for your loss but if you are to the point of suicide (even after counselling), like you mention in your OP, then you aren't ready for a new dog - not when he grief is this raw.

I think you'll end up regretting it, comparing a new dog to your old dog, struggling with them not being the same, dealing with teething issues etc, and I think it would be cruel to yourself and a new dog to put both of you through that when you're grieving so much.

If your dog died earlier this year then it's only been a few weeks since your dog passed? I'd suggest a far longer counselling period and to really come to terms with your grief before you make such a large decision.

I'm sorry about the loss of your beloved dog.

Really, there is no perfect time span. Our shortest gap between dogs was 2 months, our longest gap was almost 3 years after a sudden and traumatic loss that profoundly affected us both.

We knew when we were ready and it definitely wasn't a mistake. We went with the same breed but chose a puppy of the opposite sex as we felt we would make less comparisons. Our pup is now 9 months old and we love her dearly.

You will know when the time is right for you.

@LandSharksAnonymous sorry it was April 2024 - but still, not a year - that's what I keep reminding myself.

Thank you all for your replies. It's so kind of you all.
Yes, my grief is raw I guess. Plus, I have no experience of dogs really !
I wasn't brought up with dogs so my experience with my dog was so totally new, all encompassing and overall, just overwhelming.
I just loved him so much.
I am getting better. In fact, I have days when I don't even think about him, which has shocked me.
I think the most sensible thing to do is wait.
Thanks again - I really appreciate it 💔

That's what I think sometimes. I have so much love to give !
I didn't think my husband would be onboard, but to my surprise / shock, he's agreed.
Seems like there are so many dogs out there needing a loving home.

I honestly think the best way to get over longer term grief over death of an animal is to love another animal and honour the prior animal that way. The unconditional love, focus and funny moments (together with exasperated ones) helped mend me anyway. I had special moments where I put my old dog’s collar on my new pup when he hit the right age - I know many might think it was morbid but I think my old dog would have loved passing it on as he was such a happy friendly soul. It makes me smile whenever I see my new dog wearing it, a circle of life.

Why not visit a rescue centre, maybe even one the specialises in your preferred breed if there is one, and just see if you are drawn to any dog. You’ll know if you are ready then.

Thanks, i think this is a good idea. A friend recommended it early on ( dog walking initiative) - I did like the idea, but it was probably too soon.

I think there is no too early or too late, it's when feels right for you. If you do feel it's too soon and you're missing dog company, could you volunteer as a dog walker at your local rehoming centre?

@noctilucentcloud thank you.
I definitely miss walking my dog, though he was a pomeranian so only needed short, albeit frequent, walks.
I actually love walking and could walk for miles, so maybe a different breed beckons.

I think everyone’s different and some people take years to want another dog (if ever) whereas others feel ready to do it sooner.

It sounds like you & your husband are ready and able to give another dog a lot of love and a good home. So why not?

What we have always done, and my parents did too, (working dogs, mostly) is to get a puppy when the senior dog becomes middle aged! It is so much easier when there’s an older dog for the puppy to learn from - go for it OP!

I'm so sorry for your loss, dogs can become such important part of your family and daily life that the grief you are experiencing is totally understandable.

I don't know when the right time would be for you to get matinee dog, but I do think it will help.

We have an elderly dog and the thought of losing her makes me feel physically sick. We adopted a younger dog at the end of the last year as I know it'll make it easier for us all, he's a delight and our older dog loves him too.

Perhaps you could volunteer at a rescue centre for walks and maybe the right dog will eventually turn up

We've done this and had four overlapping; boy & girl then girl & boy, if that makes sense. I'm wanting to get a boy when our current girl puppy reaches 2 or 3 years old. Having no dog at all for three years was horrible.

Oh OP 😪 The pain is horrendous. I lost 2 of mine within 3 months last year. I curled myself into a little ball and didn't move for 2 weeks. I still feel the pain, but I'm happy that neither of them are in pain and both now happy over the rainbow 🌈 bridge. Some good suggestions here.

Thank you all so much for your messages ❤️
@Peanutssuck I think that was the crux of the matter really - I was not prepared for it. I don't suppose anyone ever is, but it definitely knocked me sideways.
Lots to think about ❤️

It’s a very personal thing

I always wait until I miss having a dog around more than I miss that particular dog…. But I guess that’s a bit harder to gauge if you’ve only had the one.

@tabulahrasa that's a really good point and I'm torn with an answer.
I miss having a dog around - the walking, the looking after him, cuddling, talking, etc.
But I still miss him, too.

(I think I miss my dog more than having a dog around and that's why I'm probably going to wait a little while longer).

All I would recommend is a totally different breed. So your memories don't get overwritten and so you don't compare them. And make sure you're mentally prepared.

No. If the dog you had was the perfect breed for your lifestyle, it is a massive mistake to get a different breed.

Erghhhh, not having a good day today. Some days are great ( when I can put it all into perspective), others like today I just can't stop crying.
At least I know I'm not ready for another dog. Not for a while. If ever 💔

Awww, sorry. You're still grieving. I was like this when we lost our previous boy, it was two years before I could look at his photo without crying.

Be kind to yourself. When the time is right for another companion you will know.

I only went 3 weeks between losing my first boy , far too young & sudden , to getting my present dog . Absolutely no regrets , I adore(d) both of them & one will never replace the other , just fills a hole in the heart

Also I went for same breed , same gender . Totally different personality , chalk and cheese in some respects

We lost our previous dog in June last year. It was a terrible shock because although she'd been diagnosed with an untreatable cancer in April, she seemed well, was eating etc. Suddenly, she went downhill rapidly and her hearbeat was too fast to count - the vet said we had to let her go there and then and we were devastated. It was worse than for any previous dog because we'd only had her 26 months - she was a dog nobody else wanted, after being used for repeated breeding, subject to far too much cruelty that made her trust very few humans. But we loved her to pieces and she showed us she loved us every moment she was awake.

We said she was the last, because the pain of losing her was so great.

In September, we adopted our lovely girl who was an 'emergency adoption', because her owner (who's had her from a puppy and brought her up knowing nothing but love and kindness) died suddenly. We still mourn the dog we lost in June - but THIS one - oh my word, she has brought us so much joy already!