Lack of awareness by DH re feelings of loss of pet

[Brassbuda]

A year ago I had to say goodbye to our beloved dog after a fun 14 yrs.
she was poorly and after a spell in the vet hospital she came home where I continued to nurse her but she never recovered so decision was made to PTS.

I was devastated especially as I managed all this on my own as DH was the other side of the world for work. He obviously was sorry that he couldn't say goodbye.

Last night good friends of ours had their dog PTS. Very sad and heartbreaking. Straight away he's asking me to phone the wife to say how sorry we are. This is despite the fact he could do that.

I flatly refused as I'm still devastated of the loss of our dog and don't want to revisit that day. I've sent a message to the wife which I have no problem with. Also when I lost my dog I didn't want to speak with anyone I was so upset.

I'm really angry with DH for not understanding any of this. I suppose this should be in AIBU !

Needed to rant and cry.

Not unreasonable. He can call her if he wants, but it's weird to ask someone to make a call for you. And I agree, I wouldn't want to answer the phone if I was her either.

I lost my boy 9 years ago. I think and talk about him every day. He was a big part of our family. Even just reading your post takes me back to his last moments.

Your feelings are valid and you're right to hold those boundaries x

You're right, I didn't want to talk to people, I needed to be alone. Nothing prepares you for the empty space you return home to after that last appointment at the vet. The noises you think you hear them making then realise it can no longer be them.

I have accepted that some people cannot imagine the hurt unless they have been through it themselves.

Why on earth does he want you to call her when he could?
Yanbu.

I doubt very much they want a phone call at this time and honestly why would he want you to do it when you are still feeling vulnerable yourself over your loss? Very insensitive of him to you and the people who have lost their dog. When my dog died I really appreciated the lovely cards and flowers I received, they were a great comfort, if someone had called me the day after I wouldn’t have been able to speak to them and wouldn’t have answered the call as I would have been too distraught. If he wants to phone them he can do it himself, honestly does he think you are his PA? Sorry for your loss it’s truly horrendous losing a much loved companion.