Merging households - Dogs/Cat - Experiences??

[Daisyvodka]

Putting this here rather than the litter tray as I am a dog owner rather than a cat one!
Basically, what are people actually doing when both of you have pets and you want to move in together. We have a situation where we both have dogs, but they also have a cat, and my dog has never lived with a cat (neither have I!) And we aren't at the moving in stage yet but will be something we want to happen further down the line.
I'm really just curious about how other people handled this when they break up/get new partners and there are pets involved! I've had a few strange looks when people find out I share a dog with my ex - which obviously isn't a situation that would be right for every dog, and not everyone wants to still have contact with their ex, but it must happen - there must be all sorts of configurations out there. (Dog is very happy and settled with our setup!)

So, what are people's experiences? Did you merge households, did you wait until one pet had passed before making a move, did you end up rehoming pets etc (I'm looking for honesty here, I'm not looking to judge anyone, I'm just trying to understand what people are actually doing as it must happen all the time but I just don't really know anyone in real life whose dealt with it!)

I have no experience of this type of set up but we've always had a multi dog & cat household.
I guess the first thing is that it might depend on the breed of dog to some extent - is it a breed with a high prey drive? Then the obvious question is how does your dog behave around cats generally, because that can give a good indication as to whether they see a cat as something to chase...
If it turns out that the dog is not going to be safe or trustworthy around cats, would your ex take the dog full-time?

Sorry if this isn't very helpful, but unless you introduce them as puppies/kittens, the prey drive of the dog is always the most significant factor as to whether dog & cat can exist harmoniously.

Thank you @CoubousAndTourmalet - yes, I'm mostly being nosy about people's setups/what they ended up doing here, but it is in the back of my mind...
Re: prey drive - my dog is a spaniel, but I'd say not a high prey drive compared to a lot of other spaniels - as in, she can see something interesting and might chase it, but can be called back and I'd say around a quarter of the time doesn't attempt to chase at all. This is obvious still too much instinct, so it would be top of the list of considerations.
This is the thing isn't it - if my ex took the dog, I would feel like I'd rehomed/abandoned my dog, but if my partner rehomed the cat the same applies - so I'm curious to find out if anyone's ever been in a similar situation - what did they do/how did they decide what to do.

Ah well, good luck @Daisyvodka , hopefully someone who knows spaniels can come up with some constructive advice. My own breed is a Livestock Protection Dog with very low prey drive so I can't really help beyond this, except to say that I would recommend puppy gates could be helpful initially when trying to get dog & cat used to each other but keeping cat safe. I hope things work out for you.

I realise its not the same but we go a rescue adult dog when we had our cat. Something that we found very useful was a baby gate, our cat wasn't much of a jumper () so we had it set higher so she would go under to get away easily without the dog being able to chase.

Also fed treats to both (eg ham/chicken) at the baby gate to get them used to each other.

Thanks both - great ideas on the baby gates, I still have one from when dog was a puppy, so that could definitely be something to explore.

I have friends with spaniels and cats so definitely not impossible. Greyhound type would be less possible.

And my previous Border Collie had v high prey drive, squirrels, deer etc but never chased the cat.

Another thing, is the cat confident? A confident feisty cat that puts a dog in its place is half the battle

My first kitten ran rings round my dog!

Would you be moving to one or other of your houses or somewhere new?

Cats are very attached to places so a move to a new place that also has an unfamiliar (and possibly over excited) dog in it would be very stressful for a cat. They would do better with having the dog slowly introduced to them in their current house, it's good if the cat can have a safe room that the dog can't enter. Perhaps limit the dogs to downstairs until you know how they all get along.

Work on your dogs recall and calm behaviour in preparation.

Thank you - yes, this is something I did already have an awareness of despite my very limited cat knowledge so that would also be a concern for us - any move would be into my house (the entire situation is complicated but boring, but that's ultimately the run of it) and that's a lot of change for a cat!
@JackieGoodman yes, a confident cat! (And a spaniel who learns quick and has already encountered a pissed off moggy or two in its time and responded by backing off) the cat was in situ before my partner got the dog (a few years ago now) so the cat isn't averse to a telling off!

This is also it, when my dog has encountered cats before and approached, it's not the squirrel chasing, head down rocket launch technique, it's something more akin to the reaction two dogs get when they realise the other wants to play a game of chase - curiosity and delight! Still dangerous in it's own way of course 😄

Not the same situation - but I have introduced multiple new dogs to cat/s (my own and fostered)

I prefer a longline over stair gates, I find it much easier if the cat can just roam at will and I control the dog without it ever getting the chance to chase.

That way the cat gets to decide whether a meeting happens and you can reward the dog for recalling or leave or whatever command you’re going for.

It usually takes my cat a good 3 or 4 weeks before she’ll decide to come into a room with a new dog.

As you’re not at the moving in stage and there’s no rush, I’d start taking your dog round for visits tbh, let the cat sus it out well before it has to move house, cats aren’t as quick to adjust as dogs, so just do everything dead slow.