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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

My turn to ask for your thoughts, though I think it's still early to call

17 replies

dudsville · 26/12/2024 18:24

Sorry for the long post. I don't want to drip feed. I've read posts on here for years, dreading if ever I was in the position of not being certain, but here I am, asking for your kind and knowledgeable opinions. Previous dear dogs have had much clearer ends of life, and I'm now so grateful for that painful scenario. This is hard in such a different way.

My gorgeous girl is nearly 16. She has vestibular disease. At the start she was quite robust, always was, no arthritis, but she's been steadily losing ground over these past two years since that diagnosis. She can still walk, slowly, sometimes momentarily loses the ability, but it's only a matter of minutes. The vestibular meds help massively. We think she's also got signs of dementia. She sleeps about 20, 22 hours a day but does a 2 ish hour long unsettled up and down, pacing routine before bedtime, which is the bulk of her wakeful time. We're with her, offering food and cuddles.

As far as we can tell she isn't in pain. She still drinks, and although she's a little incontinent with wee when she sleeps, for the most part she can still let us know she needs to go outside. She sleeps in our bedroom If we're not right there though in the daytime then she can't hold it and goes on the floor. About once or twice weekly she vomits, stools are mostly very loose now, for weeks, and quite unpleasant. We've always been very kind and gentle when this happens. She's very loved and not showing signs of distress.

She always loved food, but will now only eat fresh out of the oven roasted chicken. She won't have it later, even reheated. So she's losing weight. She's not too thin as she was a few kg overweight, but she's visibly losing weight now. Randomly and very occasionally she'll have a bite of actual dog food or a treat.

She hasn't been able to go for walks since the onset of the vestibular disease. Her hearing is mostly gone, her eyesight is variable, but sometimes she sees us or other things. We always let her know we're here. And we're always here, she's never left alone in the house.

When she was ill last month, we took her to the vet, suspecting the end, but tests showed strong heart and lungs, kidneys, etc., no cancer. But she's up a couple of times in the night. Her digestion is clearly a problem because of her limited interest in food, what comes out of her, and the smells she produces.

I feel so guilty, but it's so hard looking after her. We would like her to pass naturally or come to a more obvious end, but I think that isn't going to happen. Thanks for reading, if you're still reading. I would be grateful for any opinions.

OP posts:
EmmaEmEmz · 26/12/2024 18:40

Better to be a week too early than a second too late.

To me, it sounds like it's time. But I know how very very hard that decision is, especially when she's lived to be a great old chonk of 16.

She sounds absolutely wonderful. Let her go now while she has a bit of dognity and you have good memories, then let her become ill and it become traumatic.

Sending lots of love

amber763 · 26/12/2024 18:42

I'm so sorry. You obviously love her very much but from what you've written she really has no quality of life now. I think it sounds like it's time. Love to you and your girl ❤️

biscuitsandbooks · 26/12/2024 19:07

It's time OP. I am sorry, it's the most awful thing in the world Flowers

biscuitsandbooks · 26/12/2024 19:08

I remember once reading on here that if you're at the stage of asking, you probably know it's time and just want someone else to tell you it's okay, and I think ultimately, that's probably right Sad

Enko · 26/12/2024 19:10

I agree with others it's time for her to walk over the rainbow bridge.

Monvelo · 26/12/2024 19:11

I don't think you're going to get an obvious decider. If you look back in the future would you feel you'd done the right thing?

Pancakeflipper · 26/12/2024 19:18

I am sorry, it's so hard to watch but I think it is time.

And sometimes a natural end is distressing so think about the vet option because it is hard but your dog will not feel any pain. It is a kindness even though it is heartbreaking.

dudsville · 26/12/2024 19:19

Monvelo · 26/12/2024 19:11

I don't think you're going to get an obvious decider. If you look back in the future would you feel you'd done the right thing?

This is the thing. She still wags her tail...

OP posts:
Blistory · 26/12/2024 19:20

You say "She's very loved and not showing signs of distress." That would suggest to me that it would be a good time to say goodbye before she does show those signs.

You don't have to wait until the bad outweighs the good. It really is okay to say it's time even when there is still some good left.

She sounds well loved and content. Let that be your last memory of her - peaceful and happy. Your last act of kindness and love for her can be planned, calm and thoughtful and that's so much better than a desperate emergency which adds to the upset.

CheshireCat1 · 26/12/2024 19:22

This is an awful situation to be in and it’s going to be painful for you no matter what you do next. It sounds as though your lovely dog has had all her good days and because you love her you don’t want her to have anymore bad ones. I think that you’ve started the process of grieving. I’m sure you’ll do whatever is the best for your dog.

Monvelo · 26/12/2024 19:24

dudsville · 26/12/2024 19:19

This is the thing. She still wags her tail...

But do you really want her not to wag, before you decide it's time? So difficult. I am not sure if I could take my own advice almost. But logically she isn't eating properly, or enjoying walks, and has a bad stomach meaning she can't toilet properly. I think logically any extra time is for you now rather than her, and I mean that kindly as you absolutely have to be able to live with your decision and be content you did the right thing. Have you spoken to the vet to see what they advise?

Suimai · 26/12/2024 19:29

With her not eating, plus the constant runny poos and regular vomiting, I’d hazard a guess at that she’s feeling unwell quite a lot of the time op. She must have a permanently upset belly. She’s also lost enjoyment for walks and seems confused some of the time. I’d say it was time

Roryno · 26/12/2024 19:31

She doesn’t sound like she has much quality of life. If she were mine I’d be making that decision. With our past two dogs, one was pts possibly a little early, and one was probably left a little bit late. I’m 100% sure the one that was pts early wasn’t in any pain, whereas the one we possibly left too late may have been. And that haunts me a bit.

We’re at a do we/don’t we point with a cat. I’m really sad, but I’m pushing for pts rather than have him suffer. It’s horrible and heart breaking, but it’s about him not suffering.

Gem359 · 26/12/2024 19:42

Her quality of life sounds very low OP, just two hours of pacing a day with vomiting and diarrhea on and off is no way to live. You sound like the loveliest dog parents she could have had but i really think you need to let her go.

dudsville · 26/12/2024 20:45

Monvelo · 26/12/2024 19:24

But do you really want her not to wag, before you decide it's time? So difficult. I am not sure if I could take my own advice almost. But logically she isn't eating properly, or enjoying walks, and has a bad stomach meaning she can't toilet properly. I think logically any extra time is for you now rather than her, and I mean that kindly as you absolutely have to be able to live with your decision and be content you did the right thing. Have you spoken to the vet to see what they advise?

Thanks all, I've really valued and appreciated what you've all written. And yes, that's helpful, no, I don't want her to get to that point of not wagging her tail. I rang the vets on christmas eve. I was fine and pragmatic when speaking initially, but then struggled to form a clear question, so I wasn't able to be detailed. The receptionist completely went into the appropriate, solace, mode and sent me a questionnaire, with details of their availability, and said I could ring back and talk some more. It's helpful what you've all written here.

I think I've come to realise I've been a little depressed over this past month with her decline. And sorry @roryno that you're pondering this too.

OP posts:
KeenOtter · 26/12/2024 21:53

If you have had a happy stress free enjoyable time with your dog and this changes due to the dogs health I feel that your dog is no longer enjoying life.

It is highly unlikely that she will pass in a peaceful natural way.

When the dog becomes more work and harder to look after I think it makes the decision harder as you dont want that to influence our decision. However if our dog is needing more care eg toileting accidents and special feeding you do have a pretty sick dog.

LandSharksAnonymous · 26/12/2024 22:03

dudsville · 26/12/2024 19:19

This is the thing. She still wags her tail...

A wagging tail doesn’t mean your dogs happy.
I’ve known dogs with severe traumatic injuries wag their tails and have ‘sparkly eyes’ and all the things people say when they want to think their dog is okay.

If you’ve come on mumsnet to ask, OP, then I’m really sorry but you already know the answer. It’s okay to say goodbye even when your dog looks happy - because you already know she’s not, you just want us to say it’s okay. And it is okay. I’m sorry though - it’s cruel when they go

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