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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Advice about in-laws' dog over Christmas

23 replies

FernwoodRydal · 19/12/2024 16:49

I am hoping someone on here might be able to give me some advice. I have two three-year-olds, and my in-laws are planning to come over Christmas, and stay for a few days, with their dog. I'm worried about their dog's behaviour. He's never shown any aggression to my children before, although he will bring them toys to throw and then bark or snap if they don't throw them, as he does to everyone.

More worryingly is that he has several times bitten people on the hand, mostly briefly and without drawing blood. There is no warning or sign he is agitated beforehand. I think this happens maybe once a week or so, although it can go weeks with no incidents at all. Two examples I have witnessed:

My DH tried to grab his collar (can't remember why), and got bitten on the hand
My BIL was sat with me on the sofa - the dog was lying on the floor looking at him and had his toy a foot or so away, so he reached out to pass him his toy. The dog bit him on the hand.

My children are afraid of the dog so the risk that they will provoke him in any way are minimal, but I can't help being worried. As people more experienced with dogs than me - how worried should I be? Should I even be allowing the dog in the house?

Assuming he does come, which is likely, are there any tips you can give me? I would never let them be alone in a room with the dog, but beyond that? My in-laws have mentioned possibly having him in a muzzle while they are here - would you recommend that?

What would your advice be for dealing with the snapping when they don't want to play with him? With my mum's dog I would push the dog away, but having seen him bite my husband I'm afraid to do that with him. So normally I end up throwing his toy for him, which obviously isn't ideal because it shows him the snapping gets him what he wants! Is there another way for me to safely deal with this?

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 19/12/2024 16:51

Why on earth did you invite them?

Original poster

FernwoodRydal · 19/12/2024 16:52

Just read my message back and realised it sounds like my husband was potentially mistreating the dog when he got bitten. Actually, the situation was that the dog was trying to get one of our children to throw his toy, and my husband tried to push him away, and got bitten.

OP posts:

Hayley1256 · 19/12/2024 16:56

What kind of dog and how old?

KhakiShaker · 19/12/2024 16:57

The owners should be dealing with this, it shouldn’t be up to you to worry about it. If the dog is muzzle trained and happy wearing it then fine, but honestly I’m surprised that the owners are considering bringing a dog that potentially needs a muzzle.

If they bring the dog it needs to remain on a short lead with them at all times. They need to take responsibility playing with it etc and not allow opportunities for others to get bitten.

For context I have a nervous and reactive dog and I know her limits. I would never allow her around my young nieces just in case, and when we have visitors she remains on a lead with either myself or DP unless they are people she’s comfortable with.

vibratosprigato · 19/12/2024 16:59

It sounds like the dog has a problem with resource guarding. I would ask that they don't bring any toys with the dog and if you notice the dog becoming possessive of anything at your home, remove it when the dog is distracted.

You're right to be nervous about interactions so as far as possible you'll need to ensure that all interactions are closely monitored. (So much for a relaxing Christmas!)

Your children being afraid of the dog probably works in your favour as they won't be chasing after it. Better for them to stay away.

The better alternative would be for the dog not to come at all, but I appreciate that might not be doable at this late stage.

Nordione1 · 19/12/2024 17:03

A dog shouldn't be biting at all from agression even if blood isn't drawn. It's a sign that it wasn't trained properly and it's unpredictable. Muzzle and never let it near your child's face. Or don't let it in the house. If it's not baltic outside make it stay in the car over night or locked away. It's got fur it will be fine!

Shetlands · 19/12/2024 17:04

If you can't get out of the situation then yes, insist on the dog wearing a muzzle and ensure that it's fed in another room with the door shut. That's it.

Peachy2005 · 19/12/2024 17:05

Definitely don’t allow the dog in the house, can’t believe you are considering it. 3 year olds are much closer to the ground, bite damage could be on the face. My ILs dog bit my toddler on the face because she had a piece of pancake in her hand and didn’t know the dog wanted it. She was blamed by the ILs for having food in her hand in the dog’s territory! Needless to say my kids were never around the dog again and DD (now 19) can’t stand dogs, absolutely detests them 😢

biscuitsandbooks · 19/12/2024 17:05

There is no way I would have this dog in a house with young children. Absolutely no way.

lollylo · 19/12/2024 17:06

It’s your home, and you’d let a dog who your children are scared of come for Xmas. Just say they are welcome but not the dog. That’s fine. We wanted to take pets for Xmas, the host is not keen. We’ve made other arrangements.

Porkyporkchop · 19/12/2024 17:08

Tell them
dog is not welcome. Don’t put your kids or the dog in this situation

Devilsmommy · 19/12/2024 17:08

I didn't read everything but if you allow a dog who constantly bites to be around your 2 3 year olds then that would be really shitty parenting. Especially as they're scared of the dog anyway. Please don't do that to your children at xmas

Feelsomuchbetter · 19/12/2024 17:08

It’s not worth the risk. Uninvite the dog and if that means they won’t come either so be it. Your children’s safety is the priority

DutifulDaughterWifeMother · 19/12/2024 17:14

As someone who has always had big dogs and reading everything you have written that dog should not be around children, if he is he should always & I mean always should have a muzzle. His reactions in the way that you have described are frankly speaking quite unpredictable and as we all know dogs like that should never be around children.

If it was me the dog would be on a muzzle and preferably kept away from the children. Leave the dog in the hallway or garden.

My dog does not like strangers and as we have a stair gate he is left on the landing and as long as he is able to see what is going on he will quite happily snooze away on the stairs.

This way I don’t have to worry about anyone, my dog is happy & my guests are too.

I am surprised though that your in-laws haven’t suggested something themselves. They know that their dog has nipped family members before so why would they allow their grandchildren to be anywhere near the dog.

Givemethreerings · 19/12/2024 17:18

If the dog can’t be looked after by someone else it should definitely be kept on a tight lead inside your house at all times.

Hoppinggreen · 19/12/2024 17:18

Absolutely no way should you allow the dog to come.
Most dogs would not have bitten in the circumstances you describe and even if it was The Human at fault the dog should not be allowed access to children just in case.
I have a dog and love him to bits but if he behaved like that and bit people I would not have him anywhere near children just in case.
Also, we never assume we can take him anywhere, he has to be invited

PiastriThePastry · 19/12/2024 17:19

I don’t really know why this is even a question or a dilemma… just say no to them bringing their dog, it needn’t be any more complicated than that!

Feelsomuchbetter · 19/12/2024 17:23

Givemethreerings · 19/12/2024 17:18

If the dog can’t be looked after by someone else it should definitely be kept on a tight lead inside your house at all times.

A reactive dog in a strange house around small excited children at Xmas and restrained in a way it isn’t usually is going to potentially be a huge problem. The dog shouldn’t come at all .

Applepoop · 19/12/2024 17:25

Sounds dangerous. I’d cancel the visit.

DaisyChain505 · 19/12/2024 17:28

You’re asking for a solution to a problem you have created yourself.

Why did you not make it clear when Inivitng them that you’d love to have them come and stay but unfortunately having the dog in the house just isn’t something you’re comfortable with.

Justmuddlingalong · 19/12/2024 17:29

OP, reread your original post.
Imagine if you don't uninvite the dog, or your in laws if they won't come without him, and he scares or bites one of your DC.
Is it really worth taking the risk, when he's got previous for being unpredictable?
It's obviously your call but how is christmas going to be relaxed and enjoyable with a snappy dog?

Teapot13 · 19/12/2024 20:40

This isn’t a situation to manage. Don’t let the dog come.

I would also not let ILs unsupervised around your children. They obviously have poor judgment.

solvendie · 19/12/2024 21:25

It sound like resource guarding and it needs to be managed. You could remove toys so that it doesn’t have access to them to guard but it could guard wrapping paper or other objects if it took a fancy for it. It’ can be worse when the dog is anxious (which with a lot of strangers and a lot of things going on at Christmas it will be). Not taking things off it or grabbing things near it would be a good start and dropping treats when you are near. However, with being so hectic and no one apparently dealing with the resource guarding I would either ask them not to bring the dog or but a baby gate to separate the dog.

How old and what is the breed of the dog, just out if interest

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