Advice needed. Our lovely dog was put to sleep after a very sudden illness and my three year old is crying for her.

[Namechange9373]

So my lovely dog was put to sleep today due to an aggressive cancer. She is only seven and became ill very suddenly. We put her to sleep at home today when my daughter was at nursery. We are devastated and still coming to terms with everything. My daughter is three and our dog was her best friend and a massive part of our lives. I tried to explain to her last night that when she comes home our dog will not be here as she is going to heaven. She seemed ok with this. Tonight she went into the cupboard when we were not looking and put some dog treats into a bowl and left them on the kitchen floor. She said that is for when ‘ddog comes back’. My DH said she wasn’t coming back because she has gone to heaven. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe we should have said nothing, he just didn’t want her to think ddog was coming back. My daughter has just spent fifteen minutes crying saying she wants her doggy back and why does she need to go to doggy heaven. I am out of my depth. Any advice please. Thank you in advance x

As a vet with my with my own child and other children I have said because their body was broken and I couldn't fix it.
Brief, but truthful.

I agree. It's ok for her to be sad. I would really advise sitting with her whilst she is sad, holding her and affirming that it's sad to lose someone we love. So sorry you lost your lovely dog.

You can tell her you're sad too. Don't feel like you have to stop it from being sad for her, OP, just be there for her whilst she's feeling it.

This sounds good. Say this @Namechange9373

I'm ever so sorry to hear about your lovely doggo. 😢 And your child crying for her. Brought a tear to my eye. 💕

I'm so sorry. Your partner did the right thing being honest.

There are several good books out there to help very young children understand death, "Why do Things Die?", which is lift-the-flap and has a character whose pet beetle does, could be a good one.

Oh gosh, this has made me cry. Nothing helpful from me I’m afraid but I feel so sad for your DD. She’s grown up with your dog and she will miss her terribly. She’s been her family. I would just let her be sad😭

My DD is 8 & our dog is nearly 13 & I have it to come. She’s an only child & our dog has been her constant friend since birth. She excitedly tells him all her good news, plays with him, kisses him & it will be a huge loss for her when he goes. He comes everywhere with us so I will be following for tips.

I don’t envy you & feel so sorry for your DD💕

I think this is the way to go. Don't use any euphemisms. Just tell her that doggy has died because her body didn't work any more.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You must be so grief stricken and seeing your little girl upset will compound this.💐
It's only time that will make things less unbearable.
We had our little dog put to sleep in October and the grief is still raw, albeit not 24/7 like it was at first.
I've got a serious lump in my throat, your poor dd and you of course op. X

Some books might help her process the loss. Goodbye Mog and Badger's Parting Gift are good picture books about death.

Maybe plant a tree in your garden as a memorial and space to remember DDog?

On Netflix there is a program called wonderroos there is an episode about loosing pet on there comes with a warning about being sad etc I think it's on season 2 might be worth a watch as it's done in a child centred way xx

They are lovely books

When my MIL died I told my eldest daughter that she died because she was old/ ill and her body stopped working. I told her its okay to be sad because she wont see nanny again. But, if she closes her eyes and thinks of nanny she will be with her in her heart. She was okay with it. Although, she did start asking when will xyz's body stop working and when will you die mummy? I was honest about it in an age appropriate way.

Sorry for your loss💕of your loved pet.

Would you like to decide on a way to say goodbye to your pet together, for example saying you will have a 15 minute memorial for your beloved pet.

You could do things like lighting a candle and put up photos, then each take turns to blow kisses towards the photos and thank your beautiful friend doggie for his service in blessing your lives.

Then you could thank each other for blessing each others lives and cuddles time.

You could follow up with a play session together with your child, for a teddy bears picnic with their favourite teddies invited. Write simple invitations on small pieces of paper and give to each teddy. Pretend to Tell teddies they are invited to a teddy bears picnic after a memorial for your pet and get your child to help get teddies ready on a rug/ at a table.

This could be a way to gently move emotionally forwards together, where you talk of fond memories of your pet dog and also gently talk about what next for the day. It’s also important you remind each other that there will be ebbs and flows where you are each teary and need a few moments to grieve together and then gather your thoughts again to share common feelings and memories.

Can you watch an episode of Bluey called Copycat? In the episode, an injured bird Bluey takes home to care for eventually dies. Bluey shows his Mum Chilli the importance of play both as a comfort and a way of making sense of heartbreaking life experiences.