Need help, should I rehome our beloved dog? :(

[Flowermum231]

Hi all, coming on here because I just need some opinions away from the real world. Please be kind I’m honestly devastated with the situation and my heart is breaking.

I’m mum of three beautiful kids (9,7 and 3.5) - we have a beautiful spaniel Cooper who’s 18 months old. I can’t put into words how much we adore this dog, all of us - he’s truly a member of our family, he’s walked twice daily, not left alone for longer than a couple of hours at a time and in many ways he is the perfect dog but since he was 6 months old he’s shown guarding/anxious behaviours - he’s often been growling when one of my children goes near his bed etc. this then progressed to him guarding me so sometimes he would growl when my child came to sit on me - he’s also quite noise sensitive so would bark when my kids run around the house or were shouting at each other (as children do!). We worked with a behaviourist for a bit to try and help with these behaviours and there was some improvement. All the while this was going on he would still come and cuddle up with my kids when they sit on the sofa (when they are quiet and calm), play with them, get treats from them etc…

A couple of months back things started to get very stressful in our house - my daughter had 4 hospital admissions (ambulances on blue lights turning up at our house) and I also had a stay in hospital for a week after getting sepsis. Cooper is incredibly sensitive and seemed to pick up on the sadness/stress we had going on. In the middle of all of this, he bit my family member when she tried to take him by the collar (it didn’t leave a mark but we were all shocked) another time we had family over in the kitchen (quite a small space) he growled when my son approached him and I took him by the collar and told him to go in his bed (as I’ve done many many times before) - he turned around and pounced on my arm leaving scratches and a bite (this didn’t break the skin but left a red mark, he ran to his crate and looked so sorry he didn’t move for the rest of the night. instantly I was devastated, I knew I couldn’t leave him in the house with my precious children so the next morning he went to stay with a close family member - we’ve continued to see him frequently but now 8 weeks down the line we have to make some decisions about Coopers future.

My head is telling me we need to rehome him - he finds our busy household too stressful and it’s not fair on him. At the very least I’d have to keep him separate from the children apart from in the evenings when everyone is settled and calm and I can be on full supervision. This sounds like a half life for everyone. I’ve found a family friend (adult only) household who’s would love him so at the moment this is our plan.

Despite me knowing this is the most sensible option it feels like our hearts are breaking into a million pieces. We have so many amazing memories with Cooper, my children adore him, he is part of our family and we’ve put lots of time into trying to train him, growling aside he’s the most loyal and protective dog, he also guards my children from other dogs/people - it’s like his wires are just crossed 😔 in the 2 months we’ve not had him with us we’ve all just felt so empty without him in the house, my children still ask for him daily. I keep thinking perhaps we could try another behaviourist or medication but then I feel terrible for even considering this when I know there would be a risk of my children being bitten. My husband said this is a risk with any dog but now that he’s done this twice, I can’t help but feel we’ve had all our chances with him.

I’d really love to hear some opinions - this is honestly the hardest decision we’ve ever had to make 😢

If he is working line, then the issues you are having are not surprising. Working-bred dogs need an outlet for their genetic drives, and to have those drives channelled into desirable behaviours, otherwise things can go wrong. I'm not having a go, we learned this from a dog who grew antsy and frustrated and that was how I got into gun dog training.

TBH I very much doubt that with three young DC that you will have the time to turn this around, and being on edge lest your dog bite your kids is no way to live. Children and dogs can work together, but it takes a lot of dedication, enough time to give the dog and enough physical space and understanding for the dog to have some peace.

In your shoes I think that I would re-home either to someone who is prepared to work with an experienced gun dog trainer (if the dog is working line) or via Spaniel Aid or similar. Don't beat yourself up too much: you don't know what you don't know and now the best thing you can do is work out what is best for all of you.

Please rehome through a breed rescue and be really clear about issues with the dc. He deserves a more suitable home

Completely agree with all of this. That group is brilliant too.

Dog needs to be with he trusted family member/friend as he's not coping in your family environment.

You do need to ensure that this person isn't planning on starting a family and the whole sad thing is repeated.

I really feel for you @Flowermum231. I too have an 18 month old cocker. Our girl is from show lines rather than working. Regardless, cockers are blooming hard work in their first few years.

It does sound like that your home is too small and too busy for a working cocker.

I think you should rehome Cooper with your family member as long as you are confident that no dc will be added to the mix later on.

FWIW, when my dc were that young, we didn't have a dog - we had guinea pigs.

Thank you - new home isn’t where he’s been staying currently as my sister is planning to have children soon - we knew it wouldn’t be a long term option. Potential new home is with couple in 50’s, grown up children, they’ve owned spaniels before and have an active lifestyle so I feel like it would be a good fit for him. They are meeting cooper this weekend so we can go from there, if not I will try Spaniel Aid thank you to those who suggested.

You're doing the right thing. I think if he was destined to linger in kennels for years (like some poor breeds) I'd be tempted to say you have an obligation to him to keep him separate from the children and do more training etc, but as you have a good home lined up, it would be madness to keep him. He doesn't sound suited to a loud busy house with the unpredictability of children, especially with a three year old around.

I’m sorry OP it’s tough.

WCS or even show need A LOT of input. A lot. They are a way of life unlike a lot of other working breeds (I have a working terrier).

He doesn’t sound like a dangerous dog but he does sound sensitive. It’s more than likely trigger stacking which is causing the aggression. It’s not impossible but it will need long term management.

You've got two options as I see them. Get professional help from someone who understands working dogs. This will involve a full health work up. His world will have to change for the better. Or rehome. Neither are the wrong thing to do.

Our wcs doesn't like her collar being being grabbed either, much easier to use recall and if I want her to move I just say move and point to where I want her to go. They are so intelligent and training works wonderfully for them.

We also see guarding behaviour, usually when I hug my husband but no bites, just tries to get in the middle and barks a bit.

I'm glad to see the OP is going to rehome though, dog will be much better off in a less stressful home, with owners used to working breeds.

Just wanted to share I had a lovely cocker spaniel who we had to rehome in similar circumstances.

He was 5 and I’d had from from a pup. He got every anxious about fast movement with the kids on slides and swings.

It came to a head one day and he bit me, leaving a wound down to the bone. We worked with him for a while but I could never relax and he was being shut in his crate. Had a few instances where my nieces would come round and just start to play on the swings and garden equipment stressing him out before I’d got the dog in and it was very stressful as he’d be inside howling whilst we were out. We have a huge garden and it was awful for him not being able to enjoy it with us. We rehomed him to a friend of a friend who has had him 2 years now, we get regular updates and photos. My friends see him on walks. He’s got a fabulous new home and it was definitely the best for him.

My issues with continuing to work with him as I had to allow him the opportunity to succeed but that also meant allowing him the opportunity to fail and it wasn’t a risk I could take with young children.

I think you have had some very good advice about the breed so I can't add to that but I want to commend you for doing the research to find him a suitable new home rather than sending him to a shelter. I think you have tried hard to do the best for your dog and your family.

It's awful having to re-home a dog. I never thought I would be the someone to do that. In fact I would probably have judged someone who did. Until I found myself needing to make that decision myself. My rescue lurcher who was badly reactive did not take well to my newborn. So I re-homed my beloved dog. An amazing friend took him. His new home was much better for him, his stress levels came down without so many external triggers in his daily life, and he was subsequently fine when she had children several years later. Earlier this year he died in his sleep. I think he was very happy. I think and hope your dog will be too.

I think you’re doing the right thing to rehome. Dogs are individuals like people. I volunteer with a breed specific dog rescue charity (not spaniels) and I often collect dogs from their surrender families who are often lovely people and devastated to say goodbye but it’s really not working for the dog or family due to various circumstances, some like you’ve described. We never judge a family having to rehome because we know it’s not an easy decision and it’s often made in the dogs best interest. I then see these dogs going into foster homes for 3+ months where they are carefully assessed, and occasionally moved to a different fosterer if needed, and often it’s just matching the dog’s needs to a certain environment. Some dogs thrive in busy hectic households, some require quieter calmer homes, some require canine company, some like to be the only pet. Obviously with young children, the most important thing is to avoid any situations that would not be good for the kids or the dog long term.

Definitely rehome, new home sounds ideal.

My DDog has bitten, we have no young children and manage his reactivity. If I had young children I couldn't keep him and a family friend like you have would be an ideal option.