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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Looking after bereaved dogs. Help needed.

19 replies

Lilofthevalley · 05/11/2024 16:19

My mum moved next door after a stroke 5 years ago. I cared for her and her 2 dogs, Both are Jack russell cross breeds. Very sweet natured dogs. I have let them out, fed them, given their tablets - they both have Cushings so insurance and meds are £3-400 each per month, walked them and done the majority of the 'care' but they have always had company all day and night. - sat with mum in the day and slept with her at night.

The eldest dog is 17, she can't see or hear very well, but can be playful and seems very content. About 6 months ago she would wake up, stand up then go to the toilet on the floor. Mum would ring and I'd clear it up immediately.
She occasionally would make it outdoors but not often. The younger one - who is 13 so not exactly young, but healthier than her sister was always fine going outside, but has now started weeing on top of her sister's wee. She's always done this on walks, but is now doing it in the house too. She still poohs outside.

They know me and are happy to see me, they are eating well and don't seem to be pining for mum. I spend an hour or 2 a day with them on top of the general care stuff, and I think they are happy enough. I can't see how I can rehome them, no one would want an incontinent, blind, deaf dog with such expensive medical needs. I use puppy mats, but they move around as they walk around so often the wee isn't contained. I don't know what I can do with the younger one when the older one dies as I don't see how she will be happy without company.

My daughter is disabled and we have a cat. I can't have them in my house.

I have never had my own dogs, so my knowledge is restricted to doing things the way mum wanted. Is there anything I can do to stop the younger one weeing on top of the older ones wee, or anything to encourage the older one to make it outside? I've put vinyl flooring off cuts on top of the carpet and laminate, but that is smelling too as the wee has seeped underneath.

Any ideas would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Jessie1259 · 05/11/2024 16:45

OP I'm confused, where is your mum? Is she in hospital? Has she died? Who lives with the dogs? Sorry to be insensitive or if I've missed something, I'm just not sure what's going on exactly.

Lilofthevalley · 05/11/2024 17:06

Jessie1259 · 05/11/2024 16:45

OP I'm confused, where is your mum? Is she in hospital? Has she died? Who lives with the dogs? Sorry to be insensitive or if I've missed something, I'm just not sure what's going on exactly.

Sorry, I've put too much detail in and missed out the important bit. Mum died in September. I wondered if dog nappies were a thing - but wouldn't the urine on the skin cause an issue?

OP posts:
Lilofthevalley · 05/11/2024 17:08

So no one lives with the dogs. They live in their own house next door to me, and I go round several times a day.

OP posts:
thesunisastar · 05/11/2024 17:12

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

Very, very gently, I think there are far worse outcomes for an elderly incontinent dog than PTS. The current situation sounds far from ideal for either the dogs or for you.

You could perhaps consider rehoming the younger dog but at 13 she is also quite elderly and it might be very difficult for her.

GameofPhones · 05/11/2024 17:30

I would contact Dogs Trust for advice. Perhaps also your local council's dog warden (who has a statutory duty to take bereaved dogs).

Dogs Trust

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https://www.dogstrust.org.uk/

binkythepoodle · 05/11/2024 17:36

I'm so sorry for your loss op.
I wanted to say that you sound like an exceptionally kind and caring person.

It might be worth contacting the Cinnamon Trust for advice cinnamon.org.uk

Luddite26 · 05/11/2024 17:40

I'm sorry for your loss OP.
And I'm sorry if this isn't what you are wanting but I would have both dogs euthanised together. Keeping dogs alive like this is not my idea of being a dog lover. You have done your best for all by the sound of it.

TheFlis · 05/11/2024 17:42

I hate to say it but I agree. It’s no life for 2 old dogs living in a house on their own.

Jessie1259 · 05/11/2024 17:44

I'd have them both put down too OP, it's such a sad thing but 17 is really old and 13 is a very good age. I assume the house will be sold and they can't live with you so there aren't a lot of other options really. I don't think it would be fair for them to go into kennels at a rescue either. Sorry it's such a sad situation all round.

Hoppinggreen · 05/11/2024 17:53

I am sorry for your loss.
Unfortunately it doesn't sound like the dogs have a great quality of life and I think you should consider PTS

Turniptracker · 05/11/2024 17:57

Could you have the older one PTS and just take in the 13 year old?

May09Bump · 05/11/2024 18:04

I'd have to agree with PP's - I think they should be PTS. They've had a lovely loved life and you can't home them in your house, they have incontinence problems (in my experience legs tend to go soon after) - it's very sad but sometimes you have to to make hard decision in the best interests of the dogs. Speak to your vet, if in agreement then you can do it in your mums home, which is less stressful for the dogs. I'm sorry you have lost your mum and also may have to take this action.

Dearg · 05/11/2024 18:15

You are right in that you can get dog nappies but the urine is very strong and not great for the skin.

Regular incontinence in an elderly dog is where I draw the line Op. I think it’s upsetting for most house-trained dogs, until it becomes habitual.

Neither dog is young, and they come as a pair. I too think it’s time to euthanise.

JawsCushion · 05/11/2024 18:19

Depending on when dog two started, isn't it to do with living alone, being on their own overnight too, that is making them do this. Poor dogs.

Lilofthevalley · 05/11/2024 19:25

Thank you so much for all your help. I contacted the Cinnamon trust and they were unable to help. I didn't know about the Dogs trust so will contact them. I just felt they would be happier in the house they know, with heating and access to the garden during the day, following the routine they know and me seeing them for a few hours a day, than in kennels. The younger one started urinating inside a few weeks before mum died, but it wasn't too much of a problem as I could clean it immediately.

Mum would always say she just had to outlive her dogs, so obviously there are a lot of emotions involved. If anything the dogs seem more relaxed now. I think the last few weeks of her life were distressing for them to witness. She did not have a gentle death. To those saying poor dogs, I completely agree. This isn't ideal. It is the best I can do though, which is why I've asked for help. I was hoping there may be another option to a last visit by a vet. I'll contact Dogs Trust and see what they have to say.

OP posts:
thesunisastar · 05/11/2024 19:49

If you do decide that PTS is the kindest option for them, it's worth knowing that many vets will do home visits for this, which may feel more gentle.

Luddite26 · 05/11/2024 21:39

I'm sorry and I don't mean to come across as being harsh but charities like the dogs trust are inundated with people who have got fed up with their dogs or suddenly can't afford them any more. It really would be quite cruel for your mum's companions to end up in strange kennels surrounded by other dogs and strangers. They are so much better off being put to sleep peacefully together. Their quality of life has deteriorated and they have both lived to a good age together.

Hoppinggreen · 06/11/2024 09:11

I agree
Kennels would be terrifying for them even if that were an option.
Dogs have no idea they are being PTS and its usually only upsetting for the humans around them.
By all means speak to Dogs Trust but I still think PTS is the kindest thing to do.
Apologies if it comes across as being insensitive but you said your Mum didn't have a "gentle death" so perhaps you can give that to her dogs instead.
I only say that becasue we had a much loved cat PTS not long after DH's Grandma died and he said that he wished his grandma could have gone as quickly, easily and painlessly as our cat.

spiderlight · 06/11/2024 14:26

So sorry for your loss. You could contact https://www.oldies.org.uk/ who might be able to find them a palliative foster home (although all rescues are inundated at the moment), but it sounds as if the older of the two doesn't have much quality of life left, sadly.

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