Does my dog have a bad life?

[Cavalierchaos]

I normally post on the puppy threads but wanted a wider range of views. Basically, I'm very paranoid/guilty/worried that I'm too boring for my dog and he's not having a good life. I mainly think this because he whines a lot and I'm aware that I'm not a very stimulating owner.

I live alone.
I work three days a week.
Live in two bed terrace (two reception rooms plus kitchen) with yard.
3 nights a week we go to my boyfriends house who has a small garden.
Two nights a week he goes to bf's parents and they have a bigger garden and also a field he can run in once a week. They have a Labrador and the dogs get on well. He is so happy here as there is so much more going on to entertain him.

He's a 9 month old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel who has lots of energy and is very hyper.

When we're at my house, this is a typical day:

8am breakfast and toilet in yard
8.15-10am cuddles on sofa
10-11am in crate whilst I go to the shops
11am -11.45am dog walk in park, lots of sniffs
11.45 - dog bath
12pm -6pm I do sedentary activities eg jigsaw, crafts, playstation - pup ideally chills next to me/on my lap/at my feet/mooches around during this time. Will have a break at some point to throw toys for pup and take him into yard for a pee.
6pm- pup 'helps' me prepare dinner.
6.15-6.45pm -walk pup
6.45 - 7.15 -pup in crate while I eat
7.15 - 11pm pup chills while we watch tv.
11pm bedtime

I'm sedentary for long hours in the day and I naively thought a lapdog like a cavalier would be happy just to be with me. But I don't think he is because he whines a lot and paces. I think about rehoming him a lot to a busier household with lots going on to entertain him.

I should add that he gets lots of pets and cuddles thoughout the day with me.

Please answer the poll. I don't know what to do.

I'm not so sure he's unhappy at all.

What do you do when he whines OP? I bet you give him attention and strokes, is that right? If so you've probably inadvertently taught him that when he whines he gets lots of attention. It's not that he's unhappy, it's just that you've taught him that that's how to get your attention. Dogs learn very fast and can quickly expect ALL your attention all the time given the chance!

It's not the end of the world if that's the case! Just stop rewarding his whines and when he stops for a couple of minutes give him lots of fuss and attention then. I think it sounds like he has a lovely calm, cuddly life with you OP and he gets to run around with other dogs and see other people some days. I agree with a pp that it's your depression making you worry.

My only concern as a dog walker/sitter would be what happens when you're at work?

Apart from the long crate time, it sounds fine for a small-breed and for a puppy. I have a much larger dog. He needs a proper decent walk including running off lead, but he is very, very happy chilling out at home with us without the need for much planned stimulation. We tried a crate with him when he was little and he hated it. I would never leave any dog in a crate for 4 hours, let alone twice a day.

This is very true.

My dog is currently dropping a toy on my lap and keeps poking it with his nose, staring at me and whining, then when he doesn’t get what he wants he’s trying the same trick with DH… He wants to play, we don’t so we’re just ignoring him, which is totally okay as he’s been out for more than an hour, he’s had his dinner, he’s been with us all day and we played with his toy earlier. He’ll give up in a bit! He’s not unhappy, he's just trying his luck.

All dogs are different. Some of mine weren't walked much before before 11 or 12 sometimes, even as pups. Didn't seem to bother them at all, they were never climbing the walls. Maybe it depends on the breed.

If your dog is an adult rescue on the other hand, I suppose you have no idea what its previous routine was - it may have lived with someone who was up at 5am or someone who only rose at noon and will thus behave accordingly.

Have you tried walking him first thing? Up until the age of about four all my dogs have been unsettled until they've been out. I think you might solve the issue by going out first thing, plus a short lunchtime stroll and the evening walk.
Can you get a dog walker in on the day you're currently crating? Welfare charities advise dogs shouldn't be alone for more than 4 hours out of 24.

Hey there, caregorically no! you are not a boring owner and I don't think your dog sounds like he has a bad life. I wholeheartedly agree with some of the kind comments you have recieved - that you're being too hard on yourself; that depression can make you feel down on yourself and that you've probably inadvertently trained your dog that whining gets good results. I caregorically disagree with the unkind ones! I think your dog sounds like he has a good, varied life with lots of human and dog friends and loads of company. He's your dog and it's completely up to you the lifestyle you want together. But rest assured you've so much to offer him. 110% do not rehome him for 'his sake'. It's completely unnecessary. Only you know what's right for you. For what its worth I think you should train him not to whine as your top priority. I'm no expert but if vet confirms no physical cause and that it's a learned behaviour you need to be firm that whining gets pup nada. Occassionally my dog tries whining when he wants out of car, wants me to speed up his breakfast etc. You have to be 100% consistent that whining doesn't get him the result. They do learn quickly. unlearning takes effort but its completely doable. All that said I understand a bit of the enormous pressure whining puts on you. I hate it when my dog whines. I feel guilty, tense, pressure cooker rise of emotions. It's important for YOUR happiness that you try to find a way to teach him not to. I wish you all the luck in the world with it. Please don't let any negative comments on this thread get to you. Most dogs fit in happily with family life, without family making whole life revolve around dog. My dog spends hours most days doing nothing much while I work from home or relax with him. It sounds like you have a good family life for him and you chose a breed well suited to your lifestyle. You're doing great I think. Remember he's very likely not whining because he's miserable, he very likely just want fun/games/attention/entertainment and has learned that's how he gets it. It's OK to just be with your dog. Best of luck!

Sometimes my bf does take him on a Friday when I'm at work but I don't like to rely on that, it's my dog after all! I have a camera by the crate and hes always asleep whenever I check it.

About the mornings, he's usually pretty sleepy in the morning. He only sometimes whines then. The whining is usually interspersed randomly through the day.

When he whines I generally just ignore him as best I can - if I know he's been to the toilet recently, eaten and drank etc. I do think he just wants attention and a play, but one play is never enough! He then whines for more!

@lemonpalms The "guilty tense" feeling at the dog whining is very accurate, that's exactly how it makes me feel! I don't have kids but I imagine it's how a baby continuously crying must make you feel.

Maybe an earlier morning long walk between 8am-10am instead of cuddling on the sofa. He could toilet whilst on his walk, when you get back he could have his breakfast then he would be ready to settle for a few hours? You could then go to the shops, come back and take him out again in the afternoon, maybe stop for a coffee somewhere dog friendly, it’ll be good for both of you and will socialise him some more. You could consider him going out with a dog walker once a week just to play with more dogs. Just a thought.

I have to say that as an anxious person, it would really put me on edge so I can understand how you feel.

Apparently dogs don’t wine at each other, it’s a learned dog-human only communication that’s designed to make us give them what they want… the manipulative little shits 🤣

Oh I forgot to say that I keep him in the crate because he's not 100% toilet trained yet and can be a little bit destructive. He does feel safe in his crate I think as well

It's not too bad people, come on! Some dogs are way more neglected..it just sounds like your puppy needs a little more stimulation. Perhaps you could play ball with it? Mine used to love it if I got down on the floor with him and rolled the ball or played pully with a rope toy. Maybe you could try that. It's nice that you care about your pup and want to give them a good life, I can tell you love them very much. Good luck!

If he’s still not fully toilet trained and he’s destructive then it’s quite possible that he is both bored but more importantly has separation anxiety. A young puppy like that really shouldn’t be locked in a crate and left alone for 8 hours whilst you are at work. Even if he gets a walk in the middle of it. It might be fine for a much older dog but definitely not a puppy. You need to re-think that. Maybe put him i to doggy daycare one day a week so he gets to socialise too.

Your dog has a fabulous life.

That sounds to me more like he has some separation anxiety and isn't quite happy being alone yet - eight hours is really too long, even with you coming back at midday.

I would really encourage you to find another arrangement for that day.

TBH it’s not a bad life. But your dog isn’t happy - he’s showing that in his behaviour - and you should address that.

Ignoring a puppy that wants attention is all well and good but if he’s doing it throughout the day - likely because he is bored and lonely - then I think it’s quite unfair not to interact with him?

You clearly view him as your world - but remember, you are his world, and he shouldn’t be ignored every time he wants attention.

OP, add some short walks into the day and interact with him more. Dogs need mental stimulation.

I have a Shar Pei and when I am on my own as the family has gone to work and I can’t take him out as I have a chronic health condition I tire him out by making him run in and out the house catching his ball or treats. Or I will hide treats around 3 flights of stairs and all of downstairs. Honestly he absolutely loves that game because he has to find the treats & they can be anywhere. A 20 minute game and a bowl of water later and he takes himself off to his bed for the next few hours.

The first time the family had watched him playing the game they were in awe of his concentration and speed. His focus could not be broken by them. In the end they just stood in one corner watching him tear round the house.

He is only 3 years old and Shar Pei’s apparently don’t need a lot of exercise but my dog when I am ill will happily sleep all day but if I am on my feet then it’s play, hugs and short walks. It’s like he knows when I can’t and he isn’t unfazed by it. Our trainer had said to us at the start that he needs to fit into our routine not the other way around & he was right.

its the only routine he has ever known apart from when the family are at home and then all bets are off and the zoomies are wild as is the need for extra hugs & love. Then his needy side comes out.

i suffer with depression because of my condition & he has helped me massively in getting out because I have to. You are on the right track just add some walks & some mental stimulation into his day.

Rather than letting him out the back before bed is it safe to take him for a walk before bed? I started doing that & I have found I sleep better and it’s nice going for a walk when there is nobody else about. It’s different for me as my dog takes his guarding of Mum very seriously but your pup is young so may not be a good idea but something to think about as he gets older.

Just enjoy him as a puppy as time goes so fast. You have yet to go through his boisterous years so prepare yourself 😉

Have fun & don’t worry! You are doing a good job.

I think you could tweak your habits to keep him happier. It's not really fair imo to expect him to have a quiet morning, then go in a crate snd then not get a walk til nearly lunchtime
Can you manage a short (even just down the road) walk at 8am for like 20 minutes? Incorporate some lead training and some basic sit/downs into the walk.
And all round- more training! Mental stimulation is so much more important than physical.
Could you manage/afford to join a group or class with him? Scentwork would be amazing for his type, and be another reason to get yourself our the house. Mine have done some mantrailing, it's great fun and totally exhausts them.

If I were a dog, you'd be my perfect owner!!💕

could you honestly cope with rehoming him??

I know you're going out way more than you were before you had him, but do you think you could work up to a couple more 10-15 sniffy walks? Can you make one of the walks a bit more fast paced?

could you push yourself into a puppy play session or two a week?

lastly I think you need to look at leaving him roaming some of the house & not being in the crate when you go to work. Or a day at doggy daycare with friends to play with if you can afford it.

Sounds like he needs another walk mid afternoon maybe? Ball throwing. Mind games

We've never had a set routine for our dogs either, it would drive me mad if they were demanding a walk by a particular time. Never had an issue with any of them whining or "climbing the walls" for anything. Walk times vary depending on season/weather but it makes for a much easier and happier lifestyle than having rigid rules for everything.

Absolutely @PyreneanAubrie - I find it fascinating when customers reach out to me and try to insist I come and walk their dogs at precisely x time.

It's really not that strange is it? Most people have a routine and the dog adjusts to that. I work from home so I walk my dog when I get up in the morning around 7am, then at lunchtime around 1pm and finally around 8pm in the evening after I have had dinner. Because we have been doing this for years the dog is quite aware of when it's walk time and dinner time etc.

That is understandable but a rigidly set routine can become a problem if the dog starts demanding a walk by a certain time and throwing the toys out of the pram when it doesn't happen. You can be making a rod for your own back by allowing this, because there may be times when, due to illness or change in life circumstances, you can no longer stick with the same routine, but the dog cannot cope with change because the habit has become too ingrained. That is clearly the case for some here who say their dog is "climbing the walls" if it doesn't get an early walk.