Family dogs passing

[Bridgeys]

We had to have our beloved family dog of nearly 15 years put to sleep on Saturday and I’m really struggling with how he passed. We knew he was old and frail and didn’t think he would make it past Christmas due to age, but we had planned everything out, we wanted to take him for a walk on the beach and let him have a burger for his dinner before getting someone to come to the house where he could pass away peacefully and comfortably. These were things he couldnt do anymore as he had arthritis and a sensitive tummy.

Instead he deteriorated very rapidly and couldn’t get up on Saturday morning and was being sick, I had to drive him to the emergency vets at 4am who advised put to sleep (which I agreed with) which meant a thirty minute car ride for him lying in the back of the car uncomfortable. I also got lost which then added another 5 minutes onto the journey.

He seemed so scared and I don’t think he knew I was there. His eyes were big and looked scared and his legs were shaking (I’m not sure if this was a fit or because he was scared). I did hold his head in my arm and kissed him as he passed away but I feel so terrible that I was uncontrollably crying and visibly upset, so even if he was aware I was there I think I scared him. I was telling him what a good boy he was but he was deaf so wouldn’t have heard.

I know he’s pain free now and we made the best decision for him at that time but I can’t help but feel so terribly sad that was how he passed. He deserved to pass away with dignity and in peace at home, feeling safe and surrounded by us. We knew he was under the weather the day before as he didn’t have much of his dinner, but he would have the odd day like that and spring back, so I feel awful that we didn’t just make the decision that day before he suffered all night.

I keep looking at dog loss poems and quotes and they all talk about the fact that it’s the last act of kindness to give an animal dignity and do what’s best for them and we didn’t do that. I’m not religious but I have been trying to comfort myself with the rainbow bridge poem but can’t help but feel he won’t be there because he didn’t feel close to me at the end as it says that all animals that have been especially close to someone go there to wait for them.

He is at peace, and you gave him that. He may have been deaf, but he could hear your heart speaking to his heart. ❤️ 15 years of love are not wiped out by one day. Please be kind to yourself and be assured that your very good boy will be waiting for you and overjoyed to see you again.

I am so sorry for your loss. We suffered the same, earlier this year, so I understand your grief.
Your lovely boy died in the arms of someone who loved him, without suffering for weeks beforehand. I don't know what else you could have done. You loved him all his life, he would have known that completely, without question. And you stayed with him to the end, and now he is safe.

I'm so sorry that you're tormenting yourself with this and you feel you didn't do your best for your boy. You did everything you could for him, and he knew that you loved him for 15 years and he was A Very Good Boy. He was still close to you at the end and he'll be at the bridge waiting on you. He's probably sat right now by your feet or next to you on the couch, telling you to not be sad and thanking you for being his Mum.
💐for you from another DogMum with a much loved boy at the bridge

You were him with at the end, you gave him a good, long happy life. He might not have been able to hear what you said when you said you loved him but he knew. I promise you that. Dogs know everything!

Thanks so much everyone, each reply has made me feel better (and happy tears). I’m trying to comfort myself by thinking that he knew how loved he was, and that it’s harder for us than it is for him as he’s at peace now.
I got his ashes back today and opened the tube the wrong way round so some of them fell onto the carpet, so had another overwhelming feeling that even after he’s gone his remains haven’t been given any dignity. Then I remembered what a stinky, messy boy he was and that actually this kind of sums up life with him.

I’m sorry. It’s not always peaceful. My last dog was in organ failure and seizing repeatedly and she still fought it. I apologised again and again as I tried to hold her and the vet was wonderful making sure I was the last person she saw and smelt by positioning himself away from her whilst he injected (he treated her for 16 years). Her death stayed with me for months but she was suffering and it had to be done.

It gets easier. I’ve seen quite a few pets put to sleep and whilst it can be lovely and calm it isn’t always. My one regret was we knew it was coming but I wasn’t brave enough. I will be next time.

OP I'm so sorry, it's so hard but your lovely boy will have known how much he was loved.
As @Newpeep says, often it is not calm and peaceful at the end, which is why we struggle so much with guilt afterwards.
I had to say goodbye to my two furry little soulmates, four years ago and two years ago.
Neither was a calm and peaceful goodbye, and I have really struggled with that.
Some pets are truly special, and It feels as if they take a piece of your heart with them

Be kind to yourself, OP.
The grief does get easier, but it takes a long time...I still get tearful at times, thinking of mine, but now I can also smile when I remember all the good memories too x

Hugs, my boy went yesterday, stroke no chance of recovery. Trying to be strong as he wasn't well but tearing up writing