Sleep and separation anxiety

[Teamsaction]

We have a 7month old dog. He's great in every way except he does have separation anxiety. We are trying to keep him downstairs but he cries/anxious barking when putting kids to bed. Overnight he is crying and barking all night until one of us gives up and sleeps on the sofa. He isn't left much during the day but if he is he will settle for 15mins then cry and then settle for around 15mins and have another bark/cry.

Do we just give up and let him upstairs or persevere with trying to leave him?

Tbh the fact that someone is going downstairs to sleep with him...you've lost the war. He now knows that if he cries long enough that someone will come. And at 7 months old he's entering prime 'wank' stage so, I'd accept defeat and let him come upstairs at night.

Sometimes they do grow out of it - remember he's still a baby at 7 months - so if you show him attention and fusses now, he may well settle a bit later!

What breed is he?

I am afraid dogs aren't vindictive and anxiety doesn't work like that.

He's a puppy. He needs company. Either sleep with him or let him sleep in your room. Leaving him before he can cope is the number one reason of SA when they get older. At 7 months he will be entering into a really difficult phase of development which will take a while to get through.

Yes it definitely feels like we have lost! He is cavapoochon so he probably is predisposed to be clingy and he is lovely apart from this.

I didn't say he was vindictive?

He's a puppy. Lots do grow out of SA anxiety. At 7 months old, he is at the prime stage where he is testing boundaries - i.e. barking when he knows someone will come - but also being very insecure. His hormones are changing and he doesn't understand.

We've essentially said the same thing, so not sure why you are saying I said dogs are vindictive? 😂

He's telling you he's unhappy so really, you have two choices.

Let him sleep with you upstairs, or suck up the lack of sleep and work really hard on settling him downstairs. Generally that means having someone down there with him, and then over a number of weeks, that person slowly retreats until they're back upstairs and the dog is happy alone downstairs.

The fact that your dog is also unhappy when left during the day means I would probably do the former while getting the help of a behaviourist who can really work on proper separation training with you.

I wouldn't have a dog sleep upstairs unless you're prepared that they may potentially decide upstairs isn't good enough any more and start crying to sleep in bed with you or just jump in the bed in the middle of the night.

Someone needs to sleep downstairs with them and keep it up until they feel safe to sleep alone, but the terrible SA I've seen with a lot of the poos I've looked after is the reason I'd never get one. An anxious clingy dog with SA is hard work to change IME and they may grow out of it or they might not so I'd consider getting some professional help now to ensure it doesn't become more ingrained.

Dogs don't generalise or plot to overthrow you. Our dog has slept in her own bed beside ours since a pup and never decided it wasn't good enough. In fact if we put her on the bed she will actively look to get back into hers because after weeks and months of habit that is where she sleeps.

When we camp in our van she sleeps on the bed as there is no space for a dog bed. She doesn't come home and try to get in with us. She trots off to her own as that is the routine we have got into.

Our last dog did the same.

So IME no it won't happen.

Puppies just don't like being apart from people, I think, and he's still a puppy. Have you always had him downstairs? Has someone always slept with him? Or is this a new thing? If it's new perhaps he's not quite ready for it. If you can, I'd just let him upstairs and give him a bed in the corner of your room. You'll all get much better sleep.

If he's settling for 15 minutes in the day he's probably not got full SA, that's much more brutal (from what I've read - but I'm no expert). However, I'm pretty sure that @Newpeep is right - you're much more likely to get SA by leaving him before he's ready than by keeping him with you and building him up more gently.