Puppy regret

[boredsolicitor]

We lost our gorgeous dog 3 years ago when she was 15 and haven't felt ready for a new dog til recently. We got a really nice cockapoo in June - he's settled well but I just don't feel the love for him that I had for my old girl. I think the biggest thing is my 2 cats - he just will not leave them be. I've followed all the advice about gradually introducing them and praising him when he's calm around them but it feels like an up hill struggle . I bitterly regret my optimism that he would settle with them as my old dog did . They would curl up together and just quietly got along, I feel such an idiot upsetting my cats like this and can't work out how to tackle it with my pup . He's almost 5 months old - will it ever settle? I feel quite tearful about what a bad decision weve made but then i look at the pup and he is absolutely adorable in all other respects and adored by DH and DDs - just me that's struggling:(
It was me that instigated getting him so I've brought this on my self . Any kind words of advice welcome .

Puppy blues. It's very common and will get better. I wanted to send my latest puppy back to the breeders so many times, but we got through it.

The Facebook group called 'dog training advice and support' is excellent and will help with advice about the cats. It's run by dog trainers who give personalised advice, rather than being a normal 'chat' group.

He's just a baby - he needs so much more time to settle.

Keep him on a house line so he can't get to the cats, and make sure there are baby gates and plenty of high up places so the cats have a safe space.

Agree with PP - he’s just a baby. Two months is nothing in terms of puppy ownership - they’re basically dickheads until they’re 18 months or so IME and cockerpoos are very difficult in general given their intelligence and exercise needs. It also does take a very long time to properly bond with a new dog - my youngest is two and I only really started to truly love him a few months ago.

Just give it time. At 5 months old you can’t expect miracles with him and you should cut yourself and him some slack 😊

Thank you everyone- that's reassuring. I so want to love him but I realise I'm remembering my old girl and what she was like but she was grown up! and I'm sure she was like this at the beginning but we had so long with a peaceful harmonious life that I think I forgot the puppy twattery. I'll look at the resources suggested - cats are tolerating it but spend so much more time out of the house than before which reinforces the guilt. So grateful to hear I'm not the only one who feels a bit of regret and there's hope it will pass - thank you .

Yup, as others say, he's just a baby and it will get easier. Puppy blues is a thing, I had it a few weeks ago so I know it does make you feel miserable. It's hard because they aren't like the old dog and you want your oldie back. That's normal - we all feel the same. We want familiarity and puppies are, lets face it, hard work and a sodding pain a lot of the time. But it gets better.

As to the cat chasing issue, puppy gates/baby gates are the answer for us; we have our elderly cat on one side and our 5 month old gigantic hooligan pup on the other so they can see each other but pup can't chase. Initially Brie (pup) would bark excitedly at Freija (cat) but over the last couple of weeks they've developed a nice little friendship. Brie now lies beside the gate with her chewstick and Freija sits literally 6 inches away, watching. They sometimes talk to each other which is very sweet. We've now established that we can trust Brie (she's very amiable) but she is a hefty, boisterous pup so we will continue to be careful. They might never snuggle up together as our cats did with our previous boy but that's okay - they can still live in harmony. It just takes time.

Take it slowly and I'm pretty sure the bond will strengthen for you.

He will settle! It took a while for our pup (now 3) to stop chasing my cat, keep consistent with your training he will soon learn they are not to be messed with, especially if he receives a swipe or two 😂 make sure your cats have appropriate places to hide from the dog too such as a tall cat tower etc.

I think it’s sometimes the shock of having a puppy after an easy elderly dog, very different character. We lost our two elderly dogs in the last year, I’m not ready to get another yet as I need to process their loss. But one thing I’m rather nervous about is what it’ll be like to have a puppy after my two oldies. I remember it took 9 months and definitely past teething and neutering for them to calm down. I’m thinking of doing some fostering first for the breed specific charity I already volunteer with and which my two previous dogs were, but specifying I’ll take little old timers to begin with. I think you’ll be fine, it just takes time and a big change from your last dog.

My cat and puppy needed total separation until she was about 18 months old. Then things changed. Now they have a playful relationship but she’s very respectful when he says nope thanks. We have trained though but it takes way longer than you think.

It gets better. We lost our beloved rescue dog at 17 and it took me well over a year to even like the new one. Now I adore her.

It takes time. Loads of time. It gets worse then better then worse then better etc. Hang in there.

The problem with crosses (they aren't a breed) such as cockapoo is that you never know which traits will be dominant because there is no standard traits that you would find in an actual breed.
Cockers are high energy, anxious as are poodles. Pure bred working cockers don't settle until they are around 2 years old and need a lot of breed appropriate training. Poodles were also a working breed once upon a time so you need to treat your pup like a working breed. Lots of basic training ie manners, settling plus teaching sniff + retrieve balls and dummies.