Solsticemoon, what a lovely user name.
I have looked back to your 3 posts and really feel for you. You sound lovely and with so much to offer your dog. I can relate to your feelings on having an independent dog. I have a almost 1 year old labrador who often doesn't enjoy me stroking his head or back. He'll do a downward dog yoga stretch when I stroke his head to move away.
His trainer suggested de-sensitising him to touch by stroking him all over daily and giving him food rewards when he allows this. I tried this but am not convinced that's right approach. I felt my puppy's back stiffen slightly for the first time under my touch while I was attempting that recently and decided there and then to never again attempt to bribe him into enjoying affection with food rewards. Instead I'm working with what he genuinely likes and respecting what he doesn't.
What works, as another poster suggested is getting down on floor with him. I also find he genuinely enjoys some types of touch but not others. For example he enjoys pressing himself into my legs and having his chest stroked when I'm standing. He sometimes likes having the side of his face stroked gently and lovingly if he's feeling affectionate. He doesn't mind having his shoulders rubbed.
I also find if I can avoid telling him off in any way for a few weeks he tends to start to seek contact more.
My dog's still a puppy too so I hope he'll enjoy affection more as he becomes calmer adult dog. If he doesn't, that's OK. Somewhere between bringing him home and now, my focus shifted away from what 'I expect from a dog' to a more understanding relationship between the Unique he is and the Unique I am. I reckon that's the real joy of loving anyone, dog or person. It took months for that shift to start to happen for me. I've no doubt it'll happen for you too and that's when you'll never look back. You'll find the bond with him. It's just like how you love more than one person deeply, each for who they are.
My advice would be to focus on the type of touch your pup enjoys. You mentioned she likes sleeping at foot of your bed so that may be a starting point. Also see what happens if you try not looking at her directly as much. Some dogs find that intimidating. People keep telling me that my dog looks at me adoringly when I stop looking at him.
It's much more difficult for you as you're grieving the loss of your 15 year old dearly loved dog. A lot of what you're describing e.g. constant crying may be combination of grief and feeling down and be more complex than being about new puppy.
It sounds like you're being so loving towards your puppy. You're giving her a great home and a great life. You're so considerate towards how she feels and you want to avoid any harm to her emotionally. The fact you care about that so much and feel so guilty about not feeling close bond says to me she's in very safe, loving hands. Singing to her, taking her with you to pub and cafe, sitting in garden with her etc. all sounds like she has a happy life, she's happy with you I am certain!
I would suggest please don't even consider rehoming your pup unless it's something you genuinely and surely want to do for you. Definately don't do it "for her sake'. For what it's worth I definately don't think you should. There's absolutely no need. Your bond will develop. Now that you have her, I think you will likely feel even worse if you attempted to rehome her. I think dogs can settle into new homes at any age. So please, please take pressure off yourself. Just try to enjoy her and before you know it I reckon you'll be thanking your lucky stars (and solstice moon!) that you chose her from her litter. I think you're doing great. I really hope you find a way back to happiness.
Your puppy is very likely to become more intuitive and bonded to you as the months and years go by too. And her sneaking onto the foot of your bed in the early hours says to me she already loves you!
Take care. Go easy on yourself. Life's such a roller coaster, espescially with a puppy in the mix. Absolutely none of us is perfect. You sound like a good soul doing your best. I believe your best will be more than enough; that you're more than capable of raising this puppy well; that your pup is very lucky to have you. You've proven you can give a dog a 1st class loving home. You are likely already doing more right than you give yourself credit for. Anything else, you'll work it out.
I only signed up to say that, I'm going back to lurking again now.
But you have my very best wishes!