Please help re night time and 18 week pup

[Solsticemoon]

I have posted on the puppy survival thread but am also posting here for more traffic as i feel desperate and because i am so so tired and struggling to think .

we have an 18 week bichon . We are both in our 60 s with some health issues

initially when we brought her home i slept in the kitchen near her to protect dh s sleep as he has heart issues

i then moved her in the same pen upstairs where i sleep as i sleep separately to dh as he snores badly- cosy bed and blanket

this was a huge mistake- she now wakes up each night and wines and stands up on side of pen .

when she initially did it .. i made my second mistake of in my sleep fuddled state i picked her up put her on the bed with me - expecting her to sleep .

what followed was ongoing movement every few mins or so - padding around , changing position— on and on and on .

so i took the bed away and put mattress on the floor so that she had the choice of the floor, the bed , or her open pen .

this did not work - pacing , moving , licking me … its like she prefered her own space but wines to get out ! She did not seem to like the bed or the proximity.
this was something like 2 am , 3 am , 4 and 5 pm - i expected her to settle but no .

i am now feeling so very ill . I dread the night time .
its affecting my dh and i relationship- and the bond with pup .

i feel like i am being tortured.
i retrospect i should have left her in the kitchen - but it s done now and I desperately need to find a way forward or i will become ill .
i missed an important medical appt as I did not know what day it was !

so would ir be cruel at this age when she has been with me in night( the whining has been for 3 weeks now not intially) since she arrived to put her in the kitchen cold turkey ( i dont think i can face sleep down there again and gradually withdraw as i should have done ) i am really worried that it could knock her confidence amd cause separation anxiety or do i stick to the current lack of sleep in the hope it will settle by trying to ignore her whining . Or leave crate open and let her choose and pace all night again … i am like a zombie and feel really really unwell but i dont want to harm her emotionally if it would upset her moving to kitchen suddenly one night .

please can anyone help - id so appreciate it and am v anxious.

Bumping up
Sorry you're struggling with your pup. Hope he improved as he settles more. Try to keep to a set routine. We always take ours out for a quick walk round the block for a wee. Then he get some treat biscuits and then off to bed

When our Labrador was a pup he slept in a crate and we made it cozy with a comfy bed and covered it in old blankets or curtains to make it dark, I put a few toys in and also a blanket with his mothers scent on it and he happily slept in his crate downstairs. He got where he didn't seem to want to go in his crate after a while so we brought him upstairs to our bedroom he slept ok but woke several times in the night licking me and wanting fussing. I stroke his belly which calms him and I settled him down. It's taken a while and he's three now and sleeps more or less through the night. I still get nudged and licked in the night sometimes but he's much better

Put the crate in the back kitchen and get a an adaptil collar. It gives the dog pheromones that it would usually get from its mother’s milk and really chills the dog out. If she barks to be let out, take her out to do her business and then put her back in the crate again until morning. When we got our dog he barked non stop all night for 4 weeks until we got a trainer in. They suggested an adaptil collar for 3 months and we haven’t looked back. He barked for a few minutes the first night after getting it and hasn’t since unless he needs to go to the toilet. You can get them in most pet shops or from Amazon for cheaper.

Have you tried some background noise OP. Leaving a radio on can settle an anxious puppy.
Put something that smells of you in her crate. I gave our labrador my old dressing gown and he loved it.
Make sure she goes in her crate for naps too and leave the room so she gets used to sleeping without you there in the day (then hopefully she will be less nervous at night).
We had similar, we started him in a crate on the landing but he just howled and we moved the crate into our room. When he was about 12 weeks he outgrew the baby crate and we put him in the big one in the living room and he was fine there until about 8 months when we had a heatwave and we let him sleep on the living room floor or his mat instead. He liked his crate but that seemed to be the natural time to stop using it. They are good for young puppies like yours though.

Put her back in the kitchen, pop some white noise on and leave her with something that smells of you and go back to bed!

She's not a tiny puppy anymore, she's almost five months old and should be more than capable of sleeping through the night with a toilet break or two.