AIBU Re new puppy?

[RhetoricalRectangle]

So, we got a puppy 6 years ago. He was a Cocker Spaniel and hard work from day one. We did all the "right" things like tons of exercise, brain games, training, socialising etc. but he never switched off and was a really anxious boy.
At about 8 months he started resource guarding and, despite us trying prescription medicine from the vet and the advice of 2 vet recommended behaviourists over the course of a further 12 months, this didn't stop, and actually worsened.

We had a baby and tried really hard to manage the situation with crates and baby gates. Hugely stressful but we were devoted to DDog.
We then had 2 separate incidents of him snapping and breaking skin (once me, once teen DD) in situations where he really shouldn't have been reactive i.e. walking past when he had nothing to guard and there was nothing stressful happening.
We made the incredibly difficult decision to re-home to an experienced lady who works exclusively with Spaniels a 3 hour drive away.
This happened 4.5 years ago.

3 weeks ago we decided we were ready for another dog. I'm home all day and will WFH after may leave ends. We went through a KC breeder to get a Maltese (as we have a 5 year old and 1 year old we feel this is a good fit).

Well, my Dsis came round with her kids yesterday to meet the puppy. All went great, lots of fun etc.

When she was leaving, I overheard her say to her DH that she thought we were stupid and selfish for getting another dog after how we had to get rid of the other one. He agreed.

I was so stunned and didn't confront her at the time, and she has no idea I overheard. To my face, she's not said anything.
I asked my mum this morning for her opinion and she said she wouldn't have gotten a pet with a child under the age of 10 so thinks we made a bad decision. :(

Now it's got me thinking. Are we irresponsible? Again, we're doing all we can to ensure pup is happy and confident (local puppy classes, meetings with calm dogs we know, supervising with the kids 100% of the time, giving puppy lots of time away from kids...) However, I do feel extreme guilt at what happened with our old dog, and maybe we were stupid to get another one with young children at home?

The thing is, we've always dreamed of a family with a dog and want our kids to grow up with one.

What do others think?

I'm so glad I opened this thread as it's nice seeing all perspectives.

I'm also buoyed by the anecdotes of those who've brought up puppy and baby and it's gone great.

We're so chuffed at having a bundle of fluff in the house again and just hoping and praying all goes well.

"When she was leaving, I overheard her say to her DH that she thought we were stupid and selfish for getting another dog after how we had to get rid of the other one. He agreed."

But could it also be that Dsis remembered the emotional toll rehoming DSpaniel took on you and is worried if it would happen again. Maybe she is being protective of you?

That's a really interesting viewpoint I hadn't even concerned.
She knows DH and I were heartbroken, so maybe that's where she's coming from, at least partially.

She also said mum and dad aren't resource guarders at all (she owns mum and dad) and that they're very relaxed personalities.

Parents personalities are important but, ultimately, as with humans nurture has a huge impact. I’m sure not every dog in the litter your spaniel was from turned out to have issues and the parents likely had no issues.

TBH I don’t think a good breeder would have sold to you with a child so young. But I hope it turns out better for you (and this new dog) this time!

My children grew up with dogs, most rescues but 3 puppies. I’m now on my qty (spaniel) and 12th (lab) dogs.

I don’t see you as unreasonable. My initial response is why was your spaniel so anxious. They’re a sensitive breed but if they’re from parent dogs bred for health and temperament, and properly cared for resource guarding, reactivity is rare.
the demand for puppies has imo led to people breeding entirely for profit, putting any two dogs together with no concern on health/temperament.
i bought a spaniel pup 50 years ago, ftom my neighbour who bred/showed blue roan cockers. I fostered and adopted for years until grandchildren started arriving 10 years ago. My spaniel and lab came as pups from good breeders who breed lab or spaniel. The litters live in their homes not kennels. Owners need a reference, they don’t advertise. 5 generation pedigree/health checks. It isn’t a guarantee of no problems but it should exclude highly anxious dogs with poor temperament because they’re not bred from
]I hope things go well for yiu

@lotsofdogshere Thank you.

The Cocker's breeder seemed great initially, but once the anxiety/ aggression started and we asked if any other of the litter were having similar issues, she stopped replying to us.

She wasn't a KC breeder, but we did see mum with pups in her home and had a couple of visits before buying puppy.

I think as a dog buyer it's a bit of a minefield and some breeders go to great lengths to convince prospective owners that they're the real deal and using the best stock when this may not be the case.

I really can't say if his anxiety was genetic but it certainly started early and I can't think of any obvious triggers or issues on our end that would have caused it. I think about this a lot, as I'd love to know if we did something wrong.

Unfortunately I think there is a huge amount of judgement around rehoming dogs, especially after the whole Covid puppy boom. I'd probably secretly judge you if you were my sister, but do you really care? Enjoy your new dog, be a responsible owner, and leave everyone to get on with their opinions.

Tips:
never, EVER take anything off the dog
teach a rock solid swap and drop
hands come to give - whenever you approach the dog chilling in its bed or whatever, or when it has something precious (toy/chew etc) throw it a treat

OP, we got our first puppy (JRT) when our youngest DC was about a year old and we had two other small DC in the house. By the time the year-old had got to 2 and a half and was potty training, the JRT was 18 months old and hadn't peed in the house for about a year.

You can have a baby and a puppy, you just have to be prepared to put the work in.

@gynaeissue Thank you!! This is basically our plan of action. I'm a walking chicken/dried liver dispenser at the moment :)