Dog put to sleep because of behaviour problems has anyone been here im just totally heartbroken

[Fluffyshoesandfleece]

We had three dogs. The eldest was 4.5 years old and we had him from 11 weeks old. He has ALWAYS been a handful very reactive, very difficult to train. We have worked with a behavioural expert, we moved house to a house with a bigger garden on a quieter street in the hopes it would help him.

He was a beautiful friendly dog most of the time , of the three dogs he was mine more - the other two love spending time with our kids he would hug me, sit with me he was always there. But for some reason every now and then he would just do something really stupid like snap, snarl . He was not safe to see other people, we could only walk him in a private field. He loved our other two dogs but would go for any other dog he saw. He had never really bitten anyone and so we were trying to work with him. He wasnt really a dog that could be rehomed.

Then on the weekend he just snapped he killed our rabbit and went for my daughter. Luckily we were always watching so she has a bruise but no other injuries.

We decided we needed to end it - our options were have him put to sleep with us around or leave him at a kennels where he would be put to sleep anyway because of his behaviour.

yesterday we went to the vet and stayed with him while he was put to sleep.

i feel totally heartbroken, i know we couldnt keep him and i know he wouldnt have been rehomed but i just feel such a failure. I keep seeing his face and just wanting to cry.

The worst part is theres a huge empty space where he was the other dogs as i say spend most of their time wherever my kids are (i should add they are teenagers im not leaving toddlers alone with dogs).

has anyone been in this situation - how do you forgive yourself? I cant imagine ever getting another dog now it just seems unimaginable after what happened.

if anyone has any advice it would be appreciated .

I’m so so sorry, no help and saying you did the right thing seems awful. Don’t think about your next move dog wise, just try and get over this and enjoy your two dogs. Take care x

I haven’t - but we gave it serious consideration with a previous dog and it’s a possibility on the table for one of our current ones if the treatment plan we have doesn’t give results (started him on fluoxetine a wee while ago)

My thinking on it is… a dog with such serious behavioural issues isn’t a happy or healthy dog, you have pets PTS when their health is having a detrimental impact on their quality of life. The fact that it’s mental health and not physical can make it feel more blurry, but really it’s the same thing as if it was a physical health issue.

If it comes to it with mine, I will be just as heartbroken as any other pet I’ve had PTS, but I won’t feel guilty because I know I have done everything I can to improve his wellbeing and quality of life but ultimately there was no more to be done.

Don’t Know if that helps any… but that’s my thinking on it anyway.

We managed such a ddog for over a decade... Gruelling... She was diagnosed (unofficially by vet but no mri) as likely a brain tumour. A year post mammary cancer.. Broke me. 4 years in still cant look at her photos... You absolutely did the best for everyone including ddog op. So sorry for your loss.. And sorry about your poor bunny.

We had a JRT, he bit all of us. Me, my mum and dad. We had rules, leather booty slippers, no putting your face by the dog, no visitors apart from close family who knew the rules. Almost lost my eye to him when I was 17, just bent down to kiss him.
Eventually he developed dementia, would only go to toilet in the house, you could sit outside hours with him and he would hold it. DM often wondered if he had a brain tumour, his eyes would glaze over and he would attack. Sad and scary, maybe we didn’t do the right thing by keeping him so long. Vet said he was blind and deaf at the end, frightened.
We do the best we can.

Sorry for your losses, let yourself grieve.

We had a similar situation a few years ago, it was really tough, but we know it was the right call, and have been able to move on with another dog.

It sounds like you make the right decision, I hope you can move on.

You did the best thing you could do given the situation. If he had hurt your daughter you wouldn't have forgiven yourself. I agree it wouldn't have been fair on him to rehome. He will be at peace now. it's you that feels awful about it. Try and move forward knowing he is resting in peace. Enjoy the time you have with your other two dogs and don't beat yourself up there was no alternative that would have been fair on him or the rest of the family.

You did everything you could for this dog including bring there as pts .
Please know you gave him as good a quality of life as possible. I often wonder if dogs have undiagnosed seizure , tumours or just psychotic breaks when they snap and attack .
It's sad and horrible but you've kept people safe .

I'm sorry that your doggie ended up going over the bridge, and about the rabbit, but you've done the right thing, for him and for you all. You've done all sorts to try to help him but it didn't work for whatever reason.
It's not a mumsnetty thing but I'm sending you a hug.

I'm sorry for your loss op. I always think that pts is the responsible thing to do in these situations. You gave him an ending where he felt safe and loved and before any more damage could be done. Under the circumstances this was the kindest thing you could have done for him. Some dogs carry a sudden rage gene, some bite because of a tumour or brain disorder, or just like some people, some dogs have bad tempers. This will be a tough one foe you to get over, but try to let his legacy be the happy times you enjoyed together.

You did absolutely the right thing.
I have a rescue dog who is on two meds to help her. She is reactive, can’t go out etc etc. She is checked by vet every six months and the vet offers everytime to pts. I said ‘I can’t put a healthy dog to sleep’ and vet said ‘she isn’t a healthy dog’ and that hit home hard.
I can manage her well in house but she has her moments ( no kids in house anymore and any visitors know her well and what to do/not to do) and my rule is that the first time she breaks my skin I will pts because she isn’t a healthy dog.
Allow yourself to grieve for your dog who sadly was unwell and pts was the kindest option. Try to reframe it in your mind that you helped your unwell dog for as long as possible until the kindest thing for her was to let her go. Dogs live in the here and now with no concept of the future. She was loved and cherished which a lot of dogs don’t get. So try to put the guilt to one side and grieve for her just as you would have if she had cancer or an injury etc.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. You know this wasn’t a dog that could be rehomed, and you saved him from years in kennels. There are fates worse than death.

Your love for him shines through. Forgive yourself and hold the other dogs a bit closer. They deserve a happy home. Bless you - it’s everyone’s worst nightmare x

I just clicked in here from trending, but feel so sad for you.

Very different but we had our darling cat PTS earlier this year. She had been diagnosed with intestinal lymphoma which had a very poor prognosis, but we were offered chemo treatment which would extend her life. We opted not to do that, because it was only going one way, and aside from the bastard cancer she was otherwise “well” and we couldn’t bear her to become frail and deteriorate. I still feel guilty - she could probably be here now still, but to what cost? (I don’t mean money cost.)

We took the pain so she didn’t have to. I think you did the same, and also took any potential pain the dog might have caused to others in the future - much as it is absolutely brutal. I’m crying writing this. Sending love to you, OP.

I had to do this last year OP. It broke me and I still cry for my boy some days. But he went for me despite everything I was doing to help him. I knew then that I could never trust him or re-home him and I had to make that decision. I totally believe it was the right thing to do. I found some comfort in knowing I had tried as much as I could and that he had only known love from me. That might not have been the case if he had gone to someone else.
There is a Facebook group called Losing Lulu for people who have had to do this which you may find helpful. I read so many stories on there and the emotions are universal. You may find comfort there. Xx

My family had to do it for a JRT who "guarded" the baby very quickly escalated into not letting anyone near the baby at all bit my grandad had a one way trip to the vets my family was very pragmatic about it because the reality was they could never trust the dog around the grandchildren it was a choice grandchildren or dog

They didn't feel rehoming was the appropriate thing to do and tbh it wasn't really the "done" thing in our area at that time

Slightly different scenario for my JRT in that he was an older boy, but he bit my DS who went to gently pet him and broke the skin. I took him to the vets in the desperate hope that he was poorly with something and in pain that a course of meds would ‘cure’ to discover he had doggy dementia and a few other health issues.

Sadly, I had him pts the same day. It was an agonising decision, but he’d forgotten people aren’t food and ultimately my children had to come first and he wasn’t safe to be around them anymore. He adored the children, and used to stand between them and any other dog that was around guarding them, and I know he would’ve died trying to protect them from harm which ultimately is what happened.

I try to take comfort from the fact that he was loved, he loved us, and sadly he would’ve died from his other health complications in time. My boy’s body was there but his brain wasn’t.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the awful decision you had to make to protect both your child and your dog.

It sounds like you did everything you could and had to put your children's safety first, quite rightly. You've done the right thing. I have no advice really except allow yourself to feel the grief and cry - your sadness is valid. But do try not to feel guilty, you had no other choice 🫂

You may find the Losing Lulu support group helpful

https://www.facebook.com/groups/losinglulu/?ref=share

So sorry for your loss OP. I had to make the same decision 9 months ago for my beloved girl.
I spent almost 7 years managing her. She ruled my life and dictated every aspect of it. She was always reactive, right from puppyhood.
We were never able to have visitors other than my own family who she absolutely adored - DP's family not welcome in her space.
Having trades in was a military operation!

Similar to you, we had private walks due to severe reactivity.
She couldn't be left home alone so she came to work with me and sat in a side room all day where she couldn't attack my clients.
If I wanted to go out and none of her very small circle of accepted people were around to sit with her then I just didn't go anywhere.

Despite all her issues she'd never made contact with anyone, just lots of noise and snapping.

I had a baby September just gone and really, really hoped that with some time to adjust she'd come to see DD as another member of the family and be as loving with her as she was with us.
What actually happened was that we tried introducing her on a lead from a safe distance a few times but she was always very unsettled.
She managed to get close enough one day when DP was holding her that she was able to snap at 8 day old DD - she would have gotten her if my fingers hadn't been in the way.

We knew at that point that none of us could go on as we were. She was miserable and constantly stressed. We were terrified that she'd do serious damage to DD.
She wasn't rehomable.
We booked in with a specialist company who come to the house and provide a sedative before they even come inside.
We gave her the drugs and she was out cold by the time the vet actually came inside to pts. It was a very peaceful end for a dog who's life had been anything but.

I still miss her terribly and I still feel guilty that I essentially caused the issue by having a baby when I knew what my dog was like.
But my life is considerably less stressful now that I'm not having to manage her constantly and if I'm honest with myself she was never truly happy. Happy dogs don't spend their lives terrified and in constant fight or flight mode. She's in a better place now.

Don't beat yourself up, OP, it seems so many of us have been there and made the same decision. Take what comfort you can from knowing that your boy is totally at peace now and that you did everything that you could for him.

You made the right decision. I have a reactive dog and if we had younger children (DC is adult) then we would do the same.

We did this with a collie we had. Reactive dog who was given a good job to do but ultimately was unhappy.

We did EVERYTHING. Like others say your whole life becomes dictated by them. Can't have visitors, can't take them places etc. also it's a slow burn so we became used to his ways.

He snapped at my daughter and we had him pts. Interestingly I wanted him to be put down before this, but my husband wanted to keep going with meds etc.

My daughter is fine, and we have always had other dogs so honestly I went from grieve to relief quite quickly.

You did the right thing