Please help regarding puppy …

[Solsticemoon]

Hello . We have a 4 month old dog - the breed - a bichon is well known to be an affectionate breed. Our last bichon would sleep with us , cuddle , press up to us .

Our 4 month old bichon is very active, confident , playful.
she will not allow us to pet her , cuddle her.
she will not sit next to me on the sofa .. she will not sit on my knee. We went to a pub y day with a long comfy sofa … ( dogs allowed on) .. she asked to be put down on the floor.

the main reason i got a bichon is because i love to pet dogs and to show affection to them .

I feel really really sad .

i don't know what to do .

i have read an article that says encourage them to accept petting via a daily pet and treat session .. but have also read one that says ignore them for a week in terms of physical contact and see if they come to you .

id there anything i can do ? Please be gentle - i am feeling so very tearful and afraid that i have got the wrong dog for me . I donr mind playing - walks - devoting my time- but petting a dog is a part of why i got her that is massive to me and i think i will be miserable if she does not give me something i feel i really need ..

I am starting to not enjoy time with her and i need to stop what my be a downward spiral .

I am really anxious that she will pick up on my feelings but at the same time i dont know how to hide them !

Try the treat/petting training and see if that works? I feel like ignoring her might have the opposite effect and just make her even more detached.

I know nothing about dogs but I suspect you need a specialist in dog behaviour to work with you.
I presume any health issues or pain have been ruled out?

My mum has a cavalier that didn't get properly cuddly until about three. Give it time.

This can be common.
As a Bichon owner, it will happen. She will get more snuggly as she matures.

I have found this with Bichons. Xx

How long have you had her?
Have you had her examined for anything that might be causing her pain?

Your dog is only 4 months old, OP. Give it time. You've had her eight weeks, maybe less. That's really nothing. At that age they really do only care about food, chewing crap and eating things they shouldn't. Sitting still and being cuddled is the last thing on their mind.

I'm really sorry, but I also think you are unfairly comparing her to your previous dog. You're remembering that dog as an adult and projecting her/his behaviour onto your new puppy. You cannot compare the bond and relationship with a 4 month old puppy to that of an adult dog. It's completely different.

Also, Bichon's may be an affectionate breed, but all dogs are individuals - it may well be that your dog won't want cuddles in the same way your last dog did. Regardless, bonds take time to develop and dogs don't necessarily want lots of cuddles when they are young. You can't force them - they need to develop organically.

I’d say every dog is different just how every person is.

I have 3 dogs and they all like fuss and attention in different ways and one of them whilst loving strokes and rubs from people absolutely hates being cuddled or picked up or held.
Another one is like Velcro and you can’t get her off you!
Its just The way it is.
Although you can teach them to tolerate it / see it as a reward if trained.

I have not had her checked for pain- but i had no reason to think she is in pain at all .
she is a happy playful dog .
i could get the vet to check . But at the groomer she has jo issues?

thank you - I so hope she does become more cuddly- shall I encourage it or just let her do her own thing and hope she becomes more cuddly?
when we saw the puppies , her sister sat on my knee and she was v busy playing all the time - running with her brother s… i wanted the cuddly one but husband wanted the more confident one - i am now deeply anxious I made a huge mistake.

i know it has to be give and take but i am massively struggling with a dog that currently does not give affection .

My puppy wasn't that interested in human interaction until about a year. Just give it time and stop pushing it. The more you push it the more it will become a problem.

MiddleagedBeachbum
yes I understand that they arw all different but I thought that bicons were affectionate as a breed ..
how can i train to tolerate?
in all honesty i will struggle to accept a non affectionate dog as I thought it was part of the breeds make up ..

So some people are saying dont push it - some are saying i can train to be affectionate … oh i feel confused ..

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone
yes i agree i am projecting re my old dog- i really need not to - i keep doing it and i feel really stuck and anxious as i know I shouldn’t .

Do you have anxiety issues generally op I'm not sure your reactions to this situation are helping you bond with the dog - which seems to be based on how you want the dog to behave.
I'd also suggest training and giving it time.

Figgygal

yes i do a bit ! I have adhd and struggle at times - routine is v hard for me as is training .

Has just allowed this

AnnaKing81
thanks - did not know it could be common .. please can you tell me more and if , with yr experience of bichons - i shd try to encourage affection and cuddles or just leave it be .. i domt want to miss a window of developing affection but at same time if i thought it wd come naturally id feel more confident to leave it !

I couldn't agree more that all dogs are different, have their own personalities and quirks, even if they are the same breed. It's unfortunate that you have such a fixation on a certain type of character because you may be disappointed and that is in no way the fault of this poor little puppy. I think it's great that your pup is confident, happy, active & playful.

I have a Bichon cross breed and she is very aloof and independent, she can be affectionate but on her own terms, for example she likes to sleep close to me at night but may choose to sleep in a different room during the day, but then she will come running to find me full of joy. She is very bonded to me and very loving but not on demand, which I don't think of as a flaw., it's just how she is.

I am sure that your puppy will be adorable regardless of whether she meets your pre-conceived expectations and if you could allow yourself to open your heart to her as she is & enjoy her for her own individual self then you will be less disappointed. I don't think that you can train her to tolerate affection that she doesn't want, I think you may need to learn to love her as she is and to stop comparing her, unfairly, to your previous dog.

I really hope that you will give her a chance and that your bond will strengthen in time.

I'm one who said don't push it but I suppose what I'm saying is play it carefully. So I did a lot of stroking whilst feeding yummy things but ultimately that's once a day not 10 times a day. I'm just saying it will come.