Rehome my dog with separation anxiety

[lauraclark2015]

My heart is breaking writing this post but I am thinking of rehoming my 11 month old puppy.

For background, I am a single mum of two boys who have lots of extra curricular clubs, I work full time albeit mostly from home and family do not live around the corner.

My boys were desperate to get a puppy and after a couple of years I relented. I didn't go into owning a dog blind and knew I couldn't go out and leave the dog for 10 hours a day.

However, having a dog with separation anxiety was nothing I ever expected to have and had never heard of it until I have experienced it. I have sought advice of the vets, a behaviourist and used lots of natural remedies but nothing seems to be improving.

My dog barks, paces, pants, drools every time I leave the home, even if it's to put the bins out. I also have the occasional toileting accident.

I am not lucky enough to be in a position to never be able to leave the dog as I need to collect the kids from school and take them to activities etc so desensitising without taking him over his threshold really isn't an option. It makes me feel sad for him every time I leave knowing how stressed he is. I do keep leaving to a minimum.

I really thought getting a dog should be an enjoyable experience but I'm at the point that I feel miserable and a prisoner in my own home, this also affects the activities I can do with my children. Although I love the dog deeply and in other ways he is such a lovely dog, it really is having an impact on my mental wellbeing.

My children's father and his partner have offered to have the dog as they both love him and have far more time as they only have the kids every other weekend. It would also mean the kids will still get to see the dog.

I am thinking this may be a sensible option but can't help to feel heartbroken at the thought of giving him up. Has anyone else been in this situation?

It is a good point that they do have the kids every other weekend, what do they plan to do if they want to go out with the kids to a dog free place?

a friend of mine had a simple dog and rehomed via a breed rescue. Dog went to a couple who wfh and their lives revolved around their two dogs they already had. Dog wasn’t left alone plus had the company of other dogs which can really help.

It is cruel. The dog deserves a family that will put him first and not a place where his old family keep popping up and reminding him that they got rid of him - which is the worst thing for a dog with SA.

How do you know the ex and his new wife won't put him first?

I really appreciate all the responses so far.

To clarify, I would not want to get rid of him to pick and choose when I have him back. Nor would I do anything to be cruel intentionally. I am by no means a dog expert and came on here asking for advice of those more experienced than me.

This is an incredibly difficult decision I am trying to make and whatever I do, has to be in the best interest of Teddy. Ultimately I do not want him to continue being so distressed and panicked when I go out. I want him to be a happy and content dog which he is when with company.

Teddy is happy to stay with others familiar with him and does so regularly when I work from the office once a week. He has also stayed with my children's dad for the occasional weekend and been perfectly fine.

I think the PP was very disingenuous when they left out that you said Equally though I wouldn't want to confuse Teddy with all the coming and going - you’re clearly not just going to do what you want without considering the dog.

Some dogs with separation anxiety are fixated on an individual or group. Some are fixated on not being alone. If you can leave yours with other people and he’s happy, he’s clearly the latter. I think that makes a massive difference in rehoming.

It sounds like Teddy just needs company (a bit like my anxious hound) - if your ex and his new partner are willing and able to provide that, then it sounds like a great option for everyone imo.

Good luck and please don't let anyone make you feel guilty or like you're being cruel.

OP didn’t give all the relevant information in her posts up until recently and so I went off the typical situation - which is can’t cope being away from their humans. I’m more that happy to admit when I’m wrong.

That being said, I still don’t think it’s a good idea and the dog should go to someone who knows how to help their issues. A dog that shits on the floor because it’s SA is so extreme deserves that.

I'm glad you have such a good option for your puppy. It'll be sad but it wont mean never seeing him or her again.

I remember painstakingly increasing my puppy's alone time, 2 mins, 4 mins, 6 mins. All the way up to him being absolutely fine for 8 hours, he would see us getting ready to go to work and go make himself comfortable in his bed. I'd see him on the camera during the day having a stretch or playing with a toy. THEN the bloody pandemic came along and he wasn't alone for a single second for 3 years (I also had mat leave for the final year). Now he can't even handle me popping to the shops. Luckily, I wfh so he's maybe alone 10-15 minn a week if I go to the shops or whatever, otherwise we frame out life so someone is always with him. But it must be tough on you just don't have that option, must make going out so difficult!

Our boy had SA when we got him ( entirely reasonable as he had indeed been abandoned and nearly starved) As a PP said, being left alone happily takes working up to in very small increments and although DH was at home all the time, he could in the end be left for a few hours when essential and wouldn't turn a hair.

However, it sounds like there is a good option for a new home here. I'd still recommend your ex doing the work because there are always going to be occasions when he will have to be home alone.

You have such an easy out here that allows all of you to still occasionally see the dog. Take it, hit the bid, swallow your pride / shame etc etc