Should I be ignoring her?

[Disneydatknee88]

We have just got a puppy. The most adorable 8 week old cocker spaniel. I wfh and am trying to balance giving her enough attention around work time. It's been less than a week so I know I have a lot to learn.

She displays a lot of attention seeking behaviour around me that she does not display around the rest of the family. I'm feeling that proper "mum" guilt like I should be mentally stimulating her all of her waking time. When I'm sat on the sofa on my lunch break she's jumping at me and whining. The fool that I am, puts down my lunch and starts playing because that's the cue right? She whines at me a lot if I'm not giving her attention.

Should I be ignoring her until she stops displaying this behaviour? I feel awful because she's just left her mum and siblings but in the long run we can't go on like this. Google gives such conflicting advice. I have the best sleepy cuddles with her. She's such an affectionate pup but sometimes she's sooo demanding and like lunges at me for playtimes.

oh dear.

are you expecting a puppy to be sat quietly in the corner all day.

No I am not. I'm giving her attention all day long and I fear that is not the right approach in the long run.

Get yourself on to Facebook and find dog training advice and support..it's a vet/behaviourist run group. Doesn't allow commenting, but has loads of supportive information, guides and even a subscription puppy group. Make sure you get the right one!

Don't want to be harsh but you are setting you and your pup up to fail currently

displays a lot of attention seeking behaviour / she's sooo demanding

two comments you have made about her.

she's 8 weeks old !!!

puppies are like babies - they sleep lots, and play lots

so I guess after she has completed her vaccinations she will get regular walks, this will tire her out. then she will nap. then play for a while, then nap again then her next walk etc.

I remember this op. You need some sort of routine.

So in the morning she goes outside, gets fed, 5/10 minutes training, has a play and then needs to settle.

Rinse and repeat.

When she starts going outside then it'll be factoring the short walks in.

But yes, she does need to settle. Either in her bed, or crate. Maybe with a chew or Kong or lick mat.
She might want to be near you. Mine snoozed on a bed next to my office chair.

Do training to tire her out - short bursts of 5 or 10 minutes throughout the day. Better than one big one.

I remember feeling similarly guilty. But I had to tell dpup I had to get back to work to earn the money to buy the dog treats!

It does get easier but it's going to be really hard for a while!

You can have some play time and walks, then leave her in her area while you go off and work. But when you return she'll expect it's play time again - I'd play with her for a while, make sure she's toileted then have your lunch. Another trip outside then back to work. Establish a routine.
But basically yes, they are like toddlers going 'mummy mummy mummy' for the first few months!

Also when you do start walking her please don't do long walks to tire her out. It's 5 minutes per month of age. So right now it's a ten minute work, at three months it's 15 minutes and so on. Important for their physical health.

Make her work her brain. More tiring for them but more effort for you which is why it's easy to be lazy and walk them too much!

Also check out dog food puzzles and snuggle Matts. You can feed her meals in them

My 11 week old has a bed under my desk where he will usually settle. I do 10/15 minutes of play or training, outside for a pee (ha!) and then he usually settles for a good 90 mins with a combination of chew toy/napping. We have 2/3 walks a day, 15 mins or so of slow, sniffing walks which are definitely tiring him out more.

Thank you. My husband keeps saying "she's a dog...you tell her when you want to give her attention not the other way around" but she is so tiny. Everything she does is just pup behaviour and I don't want to make her feel unwanted or tell her off for just being a puppy. We need boundaries though.

Join the Facebook group Spaniels Rock! and Friends.
Lots of helpful advice and support from experienced owners for all things Spaniel (other dog breeds are welcome too). Personal posts, photos and comments are allowed.

I actually cannot wait until we can take her out for walks. She has such a short attention span, bless her. We play in the house and garden but she gets bored easily and I'm not quite sure how much entertaining I should be doing and how much she should be entertaining herself. I get that I sound like I'm tired of her but I'm not. I love her to peices. I'm just not sure if I'm giving her too much attention which detrimental in the long run.

She’s a tiny baby! She misses the company of her mum and littermates, so you are the company now.

The puppy stage doesn’t last forever. Indulge her a little now to comfort and entertain her, and slowly start to teach her that it can’t be playtime all the time. Try to teach her the ‘settle’ command, where she will go to her bed and switch off for a bit. That way, playtime becomes extra special as it is more structured.

She’s just learning to communicate with you at the moment.

Yeh I'm only planning on short walks to begin with. She is a breed that is meant for long walks but not until she's bigger! Can't see those little legs doing too much. Just enough for a wee and a sniff around. I did just buy her a snuffle mat but still requires supervision as she gets bored if she can't find the treats straight away. I have to give her some encouragement to keep going. She is only very little though.

It is a learning curve for us both. I want her to feel loved but also I don't want to teach her that negative behaviour will result in affection?

When I leave for the school run (max 10 minutes before my son walks though the door and let's her out) she is absolutely fine in her crate. No crying at all. I shut the door on her crate today for a video call for work and she cried for 20 mins straight. I ended up letting her out and she's crying under my desk. I feel awful. What am I supposed to do? My meeting was an hour in the end. I felt on edge the whole time. She has chew toys but if she can see and hear me, she wants me.

Eight week old puppies and full time work really aren't a good combination, even if you are working from home.

They're just too young to settle on their own and need almost constant company and attention. She doesn't know to settle while you're on a call - she just wants to be with you (and probably ideally on you). It's also why she wants all your attention on your breaks and while you're eating.

Is there no way that either you or DH can take some time off to help settle her in?

Someone posted about getting a puppy with WFH full time a while ago. You should read that thread. Puppies are worse than babies. Because they are smarter than babies.

If you shove her in a crate when you’re working she’ll associate it with negativity. If you ignore her, she’ll find her own entertainment (and likely swallow something toxic).

I’m not a puppy ‘coddler’ (I.e I think they should be left) but they definitely shouldn’t be ignored or locked away for your convenience. And they shouldn’t be left straight away for ages on end. It should be part of structured training and dogs that young don’t need boundaries - they need love and training.

Spaniels (particularly cockers) are known for being high need and high energy and as a result often end up with a tonne of undesirable behaviour because people don’t give them what they need when they’re babies. So you need to address this sharpish.

You or your DH (preferably you as tbh he seems to have no idea) need to take time off work to bond with her. To train her. That’s the only way this will get better.

She has chew toys but if she can see and hear me, she wants me.

Yes, my boy is the same - I’m more interesting than anything else including food. I don’t crate him while I’m working, he has a day bed and will settle there with a chew as long as he’s next to me, he’ll sleep there with his head on my foot.

Jesus. An 8 week old puppy is “attention seeking”. I despair.

My WCS is now 1 year old,
He is still an attention seeking little moron.
Sorry OP but this will be a lifelong thing now 😂😂
She's only 8 weeks old, she will settle.
The 5 minute rule is a load of rubbish, with breeds like cockers - the "5 minute rule" would drive them mental
Obviously at 12 week old (when they should ideally be fully vaccinated but I appreciate this isn't always the case) you can't be running them in the fields for an hour.
Get kongs and licki mats to keep her busy, plenty of interactive toys to keep her mind busy.
Also - if you can I would teach her "go find" command.
I thought Milo this from very young.
I would hide treats allll around the house and say "go find" it would keep him busy for ages and it would tire him out!

Are you able to take some time off? She’s so tiny and her world has changed dramatically so she needs you to be there to help her adjust, settle and learn.

Spaniels are full on, they will go and go and go so they need to be taught to settle and how to be calm. This won’t happen overnight or by just ignoring her, it’s a learning process.

Spaniels are fabulous but they can be very needy and want to be attached to you 24/7 plus they need their brains in particular worked. Puzzle toys, games, training are my lifeline!

The 5 minute rule is a load of rubbish, with breeds like cockers - the "5 minute rule" would drive them mental
Indeed. It has no scientific support. Just be sensible - no long lead walks on hard surfaces, limit going up and down stairs and restrict jumping until your pup is about a year old.

I have a high-drive gundog breed and as puppies they would have been an absolute nightmare with very short walks. They were off-lead for half-hour stretches on grass and in the woods as soon as they were fully vaccinated.

The 5 minute rule is a load of rubbish, with breeds like cockers - the "5 minute rule" would drive them mental

It’s fine to say ‘be sensible’ but people aren’t! They don’t remember dogs can’t really communicate - particularly puppies. They go and go and go until they collapse. People recommend the five minute rule to new owners because otherwise they try to overexercise their dog and cause serious joint issues. It’s not a gospel rule - but it’s better to tell new owners to under exercise than over exercise.

There was someone here a few years ago who had taken her six month old cocker for a 60 minute walk and it was unwilling and unable to move later that day and she didn’t get why…poor thing ended up crate bound for days whilst it recovered.

It’s fine to say ‘be sensible’ but people aren’t!

Exactly, some people get working dogs and then try walking them into tiredness. At least if they've heard about the 5 minute rule they might start looking at other ways to tire them out which usually involve working their brain and it's going to lead to happier dogs in the long run.

They were off-lead for half-hour stretches on grass and in the woods as soon as they were fully vaccinated.

Ours were the same, but within that 30 minutes we weren't just walking, but we were doing find it games, or recall games or similar. We generally only covered a distance that if we'd just walked it would only be 15 minutes. It normally involved 5 minutes of rest and just observing the world too.

I would do crate training in shorter bursts for the crying

As for the giving attention when she's awake, i did that with my pup and now he's 2.5 and 40kg and still expects the same🙈. I am turning that around with training but i wish i could go back and redo it from the start. Along with 1 hour up, 2 hours down, i would tether and also use a signal that you are available for play - i use a scarf that i hang on the door when i will play indoors and that scarf goes away when i cant play/im working. My dog has access to his toys 24/7 so i have to be consistent.

As someone else said, routine is key