House feels so empty with my dog

[RosiePosey33]

One of my dogs passed away on Friday suddenly and too young.

I cannot cope with the grief. The house feels so empty without her. I keep expecting her to appear, waking up without her is horrendous and my husband and I can't stop crying.

I feel utterly broken inside to the point I physically can't breathe at times.

I don't know what I am going to do.

I'm so sorry to hear about your sad loss of your beloved girl. It's clear from your post she's a much loved part of your family.
You're trying to come to terms with a sudden, unexpected loss, which will take time to sink in. You're going through the most heart-wrenchingly painful, earliest stage of grieving and missing her so much. It goes without saying you'll always love and miss her terribly. But the overwhelming intensity of the grief you feel will be at its peak now. The intensity if the grief and shock will gradually lessen over the next few weeks so that soon you'll start to feel more able to breathe and function again.
I really empathise with you.
Your thoughts and feelings are likely to be all over the place at the moment. Life is sometimes so, so unfair.
Please be gentle with yourself, espescially in these early days and weeks. Try to take time off of as many responsibilities as you need to. Allow yourself to cry as it comes. For example if you work and you feel it would help, consider taking time off. Do anything you can to comfort yourself.
Please know that the vast majority of people will empathise, feel your pain, care and wish they could make it better for you, even if they don't always have the right words. My heart goes out to you. Bless you x

So sorry to read this. One of our died suddenly about a month ago and I am still distraught. She was the mischievous one, the naughty one who would steal things and wag her tail excitedly wanted to be chased for it. She was so funny and lovely and losing her was so sudden it hurts so much even though we still have our other dog. I understand how the pain is like a constant physical pain. One month on I do feel like I am making a bit of progress. I have little rituals that help which others may feel are silly but I have her ashes in a pot that I kiss each night and I light a candle for her and have a little light up memorial thing that my son's girlfriend bought for me with a little poem and a picture of Ruby in. Each thursday we light it up with a candle. I guess it's just a way of saying she is not forgotten. As pp says, do anything that helps, talk to others about how you feel. My whole office are dog lovers and have all been through similar so can support each other.
Things do get better and the grief gets less raw but you need to give yourself time. Thinking of you and your husband.

@LochNessRun thank you.

I know it time the pain will lessen but just now it feels like it will never come. It's so fresh and we have so many unanswered questions.

I blame myself, I hate that I didn't say goodbye properly on the morning before I left for work, I hate that she was here in the morning by herself maybe in pain before my husband came home at lunchtime.

My husband feels like the vets didn't investigate enough what we told them was wrong with her and therefore she wasn't given a chance. They prescribed us pain medication which we were finding difficult to get into her as she wasn't eating.

This is all speculation however as the vets aren't sure what the cause of death actually was in the end. They just said she was too young to die and it wasn't her time.

@Miley1967 this is exactly our pup! She was the loving, mischievous, friendly one.

Today I was putting the washing away and I just expect to see her wandering up the stairs to sit with me or when I was getting dressed she was usually come in and see me.

I love my other dog dearly and actually always jokingly said she was my girl but I realise now how affectionate and loving my other pup was. I don't think I fully appreciated how much of a huge part she played in my daily life. I wish I would have spent much more time with her.

I used to get annoyed when she was always following me around sometimes but my god what I would give to see her little face again.

I feel your pain OP. It is devastating and so painful. Let your grief out though. Don’t be afraid to cry. I’m still grieving our dog 7 weeks later but it has become easier, the grief is not as raw. Keep talking about your lovely dog. I bet you gave her a lovely life and she will have known that she was loved. You’ve got to keep remembering this. Sending lots of hugs x

@3rdtimeinflorida
I know everyone who knew her said she was a spoiled princess and was always happy and lively so I know she had an amazing life.

She was just taken for too soon and the house feels so empty without her. I'm sitting here just now on the sofa and no doggy snuggled up next to me. Her favourite thing was so come and sit by me when no one else was home and get petted!

Oh bless you, it is the worst pain. It definitely was for me. Although you probably might not have even contemplated it yet and you will feel guilty, which is a normal feeling, but once you have given yourself time to grieve and to help with the pain, you might find that you can open up your heart to another dog (perhaps one who is in need so you can feel that something good has come out of a tragic situation).
I know it is very early days but the focus will help. It is a lifestyle change when one day you have your dog next to you and doing everything for them, walks, talking to them and then suddenly nothing. The quietness is deafening and unbearable.
Im sure your gorgeous girl would not want you to be grieving for her but remembering the good times and what a lovely life you gave her.
Only you will know what’s right for you.
I started to feel a bit better when we got our boy’s ashes home so now I can talk to him again and know that he is with us. You will get through this, I promise x

Sorry, didn’t read properly, I forgot that you have another dog/s. Just keep giving them lots of love and attention and keep talking to them.

That sounds like a very difficult situation to try to come to terms with espescially when it all happened so suddenly and you have so many unanswered questions.
Every single person I've ever known without exception in the early stages if grieving questions themselves on what they could have done differently. I've lost many pets over the years and every single time I've blamed myself in some way. The most valuable thing anyone listening to me has done for me was to truly convince me that it was not my fault. Just like absolutely nothing about this situation was your fault.
You did everything right. You loved your dog and treated her like a princess, by account of everyone who knew her. Your husband took her to the vet straight away. You had no choice but to trust the vets professional assessment. They go to medical school for years and have years of practice experience. You would have done absolutely anything in your power to make her better. You did absolutely everything you could for her. There are so many possible conditions that can happen so quickly. You could not have done anything differently. Had the vet suggested anything else you would have done it. Getting more painkillers in to her wouldn't have changed what happened. You had no way of knowing what would happen or of preventing it. It sounds like anyone in your situation with a young dog under vet care would have fully expected her to get better.
It definately sounds like she knew well how much you loved her and she loved you too. A dog doesn't follow someone around or love snuggling up with them at every opportunity when they're alone unless they know that. Dogs really can sense when they're loved and wanted, as yours so clearly was. I think you've given her a happy life. I really feel for you, the circumstances you've described are making grieving feel even harder. I so much wish this hadn't happened and I'm so sorry for what youre having to go through now. I so much hope you find peace of mind and happiness again soon. You deserve it.
Take care x

I am so sorry, and I understand completely. It's the worst loss I've ever had. The guilt and loss and aching and regrets are overwhelming. I lost my own lovely girl too young before Easter, I missed the signs, the vets missed the signs. There are so many questions unanswered.
I have been writing down memories. Little things I'm scared of forgetting. It helps a bit. Even if I can never read it, I know that somewhere safe I have description of her sweetness. You might try it.
I hope the pain eases for you soon.

@Slowslowreader this is a great idea thanks for this.

I've been going through my phone and instagram to save all my videos and photos and etc so make a memory book too!

I’m so sorry ❤️ We love them so much. She’ll always be in your heart, lives on as part of your emotional DNA.

Its so hard ❤️

OP I'm so sorry for the loss of your girl, there's no pain like it is there it's actually stopped me getting another even six years later.
Sending you love and strength and to everyone else going through it 🩷

@LochNessRun thank you for your kind and thoughtful words ♥️

@Unforgettablefire totally I could never get another dog as I just m her back- her smell, her personality, her silly little quirks 💜 god I miss her so much

Bless you I know it's absolutely gut wrenching it's physical.
The next morning when I got up will stay with me forever. Here's something I came across it probably won't help at the minute but hopefully in the near future it will.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

The vet called me tonight and asked if I wanted a de-brief or if I had any questions.

She still didn't have any answered as to why it happened only speculation and said they were all shocked at how quickly things turned. I don't know if this makes me feel better or worse.

I told her my worries that me giving her the new medication finished her little body off but she said unlikely.

Still hurting so much today but crying less.

@RosiePosey33 just seen this and wanted to say how sorry I am.

She sounds absolutely wonderful.

What type of dog was she?

I’m so sorry for your loss and that you weren’t there so you don’t have closure. You no doubt gave that dog a lovely life, you have to focus on that. Your grief will lessen over time, sometimes I think we just want to stop the hurt but you quite literally cannot. It’s something you have to go through.
I’m glad you are feeling a little better.

Honestly the only thing that helped me move on is getting another, this wasn’t quickly. I waited over ten years. I’m glad I did it again but as DDog is now 13.5, Lab, struggling a bit- I know I’ll have to do it all again….

Stay strong OP. 🌷