Grief after sudden loss

[ErickBroch]

DH and I lost our girl extremely suddenly over the weekend. We had her for four years (rescue) and she was just the light of our life. Everything was normal and then she was gone within an hour from a cardiac arrest.

I haven’t experienced a loss like this before. I can barely stand being inside my house as I can’t cope with the idea she isn’t coming home. Outside is just as bad. Trying to avoid all the places we went together (we walked several times a day).

Please tell me this gets easier? We don’t have children so she was the most important being to us. I can’t believe that overnight she has left me forever. Thanks everyone for any thoughts and I’m sorry for all our losses.

It's the most horrific pain, you've lost a member of your family and someone that you loved deeply. Grief is perfectly normal, and honestly it does get easier. I've lost 2 now, but the few first months are raw. I'm so sorry, you must be in complete shock.

I am so sorry. You will still be in shock. The pain is absolutely raw.
This was us in early March. Ten years for us, and the grief knocked us flat.
The thing that has helped a little, right from the beginning, is writing. Everything I recall about her, all I miss, all I love, all I wish I could say.
I've filled up a notebook. It fixes her somehow.
You must have given her the best happiness she ever had. Be very, very kind to yourself.
(A book by Mary Oliver called Dog Songs also helped.)

Do you want to tell us about her ? what was her name and was she a specific breed ?

I am so so sorry for your loss.

I can see she meant the world to you.

You say she was a rescue, please try and take comfort in the fact in the time you had her she was happy and loved xx

We lost our beautiful Bessie in the early hours of Thursday, she suddenly had 4 seizures and came round from the 4th obviously still in trouble. I can't get my head around 20 minutes to the emergency vets and 5 minutes later she was gone. She's a black Labrador, only 5 1/2, we had been her humans since 8 months old when she had a 'career change' from being a disability assistance dog in training. The pain is unreal. We still have a 3 year old spaniel so every walk is people asking where Bessie is. I hope for our sakes it gets easier soon.

I am so very sorry, you will be in a huge state of shock, losing a dog at anytime is devastating but for it to come completely out of the blue meaning you have had no time to mentally prepare or experience anticipatory grief must make the loss exceptionally hard. I was in shock when I had to put my lovely girl to sleep and she had been poorly for over a year so I had tried to gear myself up to it so you must be feeling absolutely blindsided. The only thing that will help is time, and that will be different for everyone, I was a wreck for about 7 months at that point I accepted she was gone and made my peace with what happened, but even 12 months later I tear up most days but it’s not the raw wretched can’t even breathe grief that I experienced in those first few weeks and months.Things that helped me get through:

• Coping with pet grief videos on YouTube made me feel less alone
• Created a memory book of favourite photos
• Talking about her with my husband
• Creating a memory area beside me, her ashes, fur clippings, paw print in a frame and her picture
• Talking to her (sounds mad but it helped me)

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, we all understand on here

I'm so sorry, that sounds horribly painful. She's so lucky to have shared her life with you since you rescued her and I hope it gives you some comfort to know how happy you must have made her.

I am so very sorry for your loss 💐

I’m sorry too. It’s very hard. But you will eventually get to a place where you can think of her without crying and remember only the love and happiness. Sending hugs xx

Ah, that's rotten - so much sympathy. We lost our boy at the end of March to osteosarcoma - we'd had him almost 4 years and it was only 4 days between diagnosis and his getting so bad that we let him go. He was almost 7.

We lasted a week before we adopted another of the same breed, which helped us enormously (though that obviously doesn't work for everyone). Our new boy was carefully picked for us to be different enough in colouring, size and temperament not to be a like for like replacement but he has helped us live in the present without forgetting the past. I miss our old boy hugely, not least because he was really "my" dog. It helped to be able to bury him in a corner of the garden and I like to think of his ghost running round creating havoc with dogs who have lived in the house in the past. It also helped to talk about it with friends who have gone through the same thing recently.

Thank you everyone for all your kind words, it is immensely helpful. I honestly feel this grief deeper than I have for family members, which sounds awful to say. I am glad I have thousands of photos and videos of her, they have surprisingly given me a lot of comfort rather than sadness. the most difficult part so far is just existing in my home and not seeing her where she should be.

She was a husky, and had all the wonderful quirks that came with the breed. She only howled, never barked, and I loved hearing her voice. She was very independent, which made her affection feel even more special to me. Over the years we had her I saw her barriers fall and her personality come out. In the last year, I feel she was the most content she had ever been with us.

She was so playful, she would have zoomies, loved tennis balls and play fighting where I always let her give me her fake bites. She was food-crazy, and knew I was the weak link. I truly felt her love, I knew she loved me, and that she felt loved and safe by DH and I. Not walking her has been so painful, it was something I enjoyed so much because of how much she did!

We do not want another dog for a few years, and right now I can't even look at other dogs.I hope in time that will ease as I would really like to look after my friends' dogs when they go on holiday etc. I think that would be really nice to do.

I haven't even hoovered since she went, I can't bare to lose the last of her fur flying around. She shed twice a year for 6 months at a time - people always thought we were crazy to have her for that but it was worth every hoover!

lol she sounds amazing! Love that she shed twice a year for 6 months at a time 💗

I'm so very sorry for your loss though, can't even begin to imagine the pain you are going through ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Was she your first dog?

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss OP. We lost our beloved rescue suddenly almost 3 years ago and I honestly thought my heart would break. It's only very recently I can talk, or think, about her without crying and we still have her ashes here now. Remember all the happiness and love you gave your dog, and how lucky she was to have you, and vice versa. Sending lots of love your way 🌺

I'm so so sorry. We are still mourning our boy from 2 years ago equally suddenly. Out DC are at University but we weren't empty nesters when we had him.

Take time to grieve. We sobbed regularly for months, more than for human family because he was part of the everyday fabric of our lives. Don't hoover and don't clean the nose marks on the windows until you feel ready.

It will be less painful with time though. At first the pop up photos may make you cry but further down the line it is lovely.

And you can be proud of the wonderful life that you gave her.

Ours was also obsessed with tennis balls and was playing with hers literally minutes before we lost her 💔 I can relate with not wanting to even look at another dog too. We'd booked a dog friendly holiday for very shortly after losing her that we still went on - again I thought my heart would break. Hugs to you xxx

@ErickBroch so sorry op. This was us in April. Our ddog was gone in a few minutes, totally unexpected.
The pain is awful.
Feel free to grieve, your ddog was with you more than anyone else.

Dh has cleaned the roller on our vacuum and put all of the fur in a little bag.
We were fortunate to be guided to a brilliant pet cremation service who were amazing and really helped us to process the shock.

I hear you! Last week we lost our wonderful gentleman who was a huge part of our family for the last fourteen years. Got his ashes back today. I'm just focussing on the joy he brought to us all. He was the kindest most beautiful soul. Photos help immensely. Same as you, I keep expecting to see him and it's heartbreaking when I realise he's not here. I get the walking thing, I truly don't know how I'm ever going to go for a walk again, because he was always my companion. Hoping it'll get easier with time. Sending hugs x

So sorry to read you’re going through this too OP. I lost my best friend on bank holiday Monday and still struggle to come to terms with how he was his usual bouncy self one minute and then gone the next. I also can’t bear the thought of hoovering and his floof being gone for good.

Bringing him home to bury helped, and I made a cushion with lots of photos of him so I could cuddle him when I feel down. It sits on his favourite chair.

I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, and sway from numbness to anger to utter despair fairly regularly. DH and I talk about him all the time, but I’d do anything to bring him back.

Our loss was also sudden, for him I'm hoping it avoided too much suffering

I am so sorry for you - I feel your pain completely. It’s just been over 3 weeks for us. It does help keeping busy but it’s hardest when I’m in the house on my own as my little buddy would be there following me about. Seeing the place where his crate was. Not hearing him bark at absolutely everything. No more walks. I now know what heartbroken means. I still sleep with some of his bedding.
My thoughts are with you xx

Nose marks still on the window here, and vacuum cleaner gets emptied under the oak tree in the garden. I can't put her fluff in the bin. I miss the walks very much, but it's so hard to see the places without her. She had a special tree she always used to hide a stick behind when we turned for home. I went and looked, and her last stick is still there.
They are family. There's no way round the grief that I can find. You just have to go through it, I think. Perhaps one day we'll meet them again.

I'm so sorry for your loss and can totally relate to the pain you are feeling. We lost our girl in Autumn time of last year and its only now im starting to feel a bit like me again. The first few weeks were very raw , waking up in the middle of the night sobbing was a regular occurrence but little by little as the months have gone on the tears have eased and the smiles at remembering her began to appear. Take your time and be kind to yourself, dont let anyone tell you how to grieve. I read a quote when I was going through it bad 'whenever I am missing you I also remember how fortunate I was to have had you in my life. I wouldn't change those moments for the world' dogs are such a blessing 💖

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I promise you it does get easier.

This is painfully similar to what my husband and I went through with the first dog we had together. She was a flatcoated retriever we had got as a puppy. She was very healthy, always had been. When she was 4 she had a massive, sudden seizure completely out of the blue and she was gone within minutes. I felt my heart break, really felt like someone had crushed it. I felt like I should have been able to pull her back, I just couldn't believe she was really gone. It was days before I hoovered. Before I did, I picked up the biggest clumps of hair and put them in a bag, which I still have somewhere. I just couldn't bear to tidy the last of her away forever.

I didn't eat or sleep properly for days afterwards. I cried for days and sometimes I still have a cry for no apparent reason. I'm telling you this because I can tell you that what you've written resonates so much about how much I love my dog and how much it hurt when she died, but I can also tell you that it will get easier. We're 3 years on now and I still miss her very much.

Allow yourself the time and space you need to grieve and to heal.

Grief is grief, and those who say it’s just a dog, it’s not the same is talking bollocks. She was part of your family and her loss will be tremendous. Sending deepest sympathy OP