Advice re timming of a new puppy need advice asap please

[Milliemooss]

Out beloved dog dieda month ago .

since then i have walked dogs for mates to get a dog fix as dh said he wanted the freedom to see what it was like not having a dog - but dogs are who i am .

during this period i found that i was looking at dogs daily on web sites. And feeling of wanting a dog increased My mood got lower .

basically i walk a lot - i like to walk without people preferring dog company daily

i found a good home infrequent breeder not too far away and she was the type i like ie wants to keep in contact etc i arranged to see pup -husband said he just wants me be happy

a few days later dh had chest pains which are under investigation .
We initially thought grief but may be angina .(?)
he said to me since -

its not the right time to get dog
and
i know u will get a dog why put of inevitable
and
if something happens to me i want uou to have companion

these things have happened in a short space of time!! basically he !says not ready but said he wants me be happy I knows i am struggling-

we said we wd go and see the pups and see - tomorrow
then —

we saw friends today who said to me this is a rebound dog - uou have not grieved yet - there will be other dogs- why tie y self to another dog - have the freedom .

my husband then seemed to agree with them said he wanted more time

i know in my head we should delay -
that there will be other dogs with a good breeder - but now i want to proceed and my head says no - and be kind to dh - my heart so wants to go and see the pups .

i feel physically sick as i have now bonded in my mjnd with one of the pups and named her .

Our beloved elderly rescue dog died in February. Despite missing her with every bone in my body, after a couple of weeks I could not think about anything else but another dog as the house felt absolutely awful without one as we've always had dogs (we have a cat and a young child but it still felt too quiet). A friend happened to have a litter of pups that would be ready in May - we decided that we knew that we were going to get another dog, it was not replacing our old girl as completely different in every way to her, the timing was good for toilet training a pup (better weather), and we wanted our little boy to grow up with a dog. So we went to see them and that was that.

Fast forward, we've had him a week and I do feel that we jumped too quickly. Pup is very sweet but we feel very out of our depth, completely overwhelmed and I feel quite depressed if I'm honest. It's very, very hard and relentless and I miss the ease, bond and gentleness of my old girl. It's like we've thrown a grenade into our lives. Of course, we will persevere and do right by him but at this point it is feeling like a "rebound" and we were too emotional to make sensible decisions.

I can't say that it would be the same for you but just my experience of a similar situation. I'm so sorry about your lovely dog 💔

I remember your last post, OP.

I lost my dog in November 2022. I got my most recent in December 2022. He’s my absolute world and definitely not a rebound. It can work.

But, your DH isn’t ready and you should consider his feelings first - he may come to resent a puppy. A puppy wouldn’t be able to go on long walks with you for about two years, so it’s not actually going to fill the hole that’s left and you may resent it. You know already that puppies aren’t easy.

TBH I think you should see a grief counsellor. You don’t sound well (at least in how you’re coming across) …you can’t have bonded already with a puppy you’ve never met. I think getting a puppy now would be a bit of a disaster.

I think you’re moving too fast and this will likely end in tears if you get a new puppy right now.

Your husband is saying it's too soon - please listen to him.

If you want your "fix" of dogs maybe see if you can volunteer for the cinnamon trust or sign up for borrow my doggy instead.

I think this is very normal though.

I have had three puppies in my adult life and have gone through that period of depression with each of them in the first month or so!

Puppies are hard work. When you are in the thick of it, you do have moments of feeling really down and thinking, “why have I done this to myself!”

I have had my current pup 6 weeks now. I’m coming out of it now that she is settled. But that first week was brutal. I remember sleeping on the sofa for a week trying to settle her in to her crate and cleaning up toilet accidents in the house, being so tired and wishing I could turn back the clock a week and not have got her at all.

It’s so common, I had it with my previous dogs. The hardest was when we already had a 3 year old dog who was the most perfect, wonderful dog and we got a puppy from the same breeder. she was so wonderful that I had blocked out the awful first month or so and christ, the new puppy was like a bomb exploding in all out lives!

You will get out the other side in another few weeks.

My DH wanted to wait. Travel and holiday guilt free. He also was very upset when our last dog died and said never again.

We spent 3 years going away a lot. DH changed his job recently and is at home a lot more. We discovered during this that we like to travel within the U.K. just as much as abroad.

I asked him to reconsider and maybe now was the time for a puppy. He slept on it and now we have a 14 week old puppy 🙂

He was worth the wait! Although he is hard work, like all puppies, we are fully ready and engaged with that because we’ve had a break.

to the poster that said i dont sound well and to contact a grief counsellor - i would agree.

i have contacted one and talked about it which led to me walking dogs for others atm. Tue thing is its not the same at all .

i spend - as i have heard of others doing so , hours looking at dogs Most days.

my head says wait but my heart just feels so very lost.

i domt go out anymore cept to walk dogs , i dont get dressed.

was so happy ybday when thought was going to get one .

I realise i need to listen to
dh - who had gone and spent a considerable amountnof out savings on an e bike so that he can make sure he can still cycle if his heart isnt good - and i know that a bike is not the same as a lifelong commitment tho!!!

we have talked about seeing pup later t day as arrangement- pay deposit- but then let it settle to see- ( not due to collect till 9 th june ) - by which time we will know about his health - ( end may) and if needs be loose deposit and withdraw.

does that sound silly ? Id feel both needs met .. or Better just cancel
whole thing .
i feel so so upset.

id find a good home breeder again i am sure as i dont use other types of breeder.

Ps our hols are usually in uk - we go abroad x1 in winter .
i am wondering after two years with an old dog - we cdnt go anywere- a pup wd b less of a shock as we are used to minimal ‘ freedom’ .

OP, I feel your pain completely. I too am going through a loss and even though it’s been less than 2 weeks I keep thinking of rescuing a dog to make something good out of a very bad situation. However, in my heart and head know that I am still grieving and in shock but my life feels so empty and that (even though I have 2 wonderful kids and husband and a lot to be grateful for) today I have just been at home and felt lost like I’ve got no purpose anymore. I’m trying to keep busy but in the back of my mind is this nagging - would I feel better with another dog? Would I feel guilty towards my other dog?
My gorgeous boy was my companion and shadow. I haven’t eaten, slept properly etc, can’t see any joy in things.
I wish somebody would just wave a magic wand and/tell me what is best.
Sending you lots of hugs xx

We lost our 10 year old lab last year. House still feels empty without him and would love another but we are really torn as we really don't have the time/energy now that a puppy needs/deserves.

I am not keen on an older rescue either as we don't have the time if the dog has any issues, I felt nervous at the thought of being around a rescue dog alone, and I don't think I would feel the same connection and willing to spend thousands, like we had to for our boy near the end, on older dog insurance/vet bills.

Maybe we'll reconsider a rescue when we both retire in 3-4 years time. Would love a lab again as our boy was just perfect in every way, but likely will be a smaller breed.

So sorry for your loss OP.

I lost my old girl at the beginning of August 2022 and by then end of August I had another pup. My girl was poorly for a while and I always knew that when the time came to have her pts that I couldn't have a house without a dog for long.

I work from home and I'd had my dog with me all day every day for 12 years so when she died it was unbearable, the house just felt empty. My OH loves dogs but didn't mind either way if we got another but he knew how important it was for me to have another.

At first it was hard because you forget how full on a puppy is when you've had a lazy senior dog but as hard as the first few weeks were I was just grateful for the distraction. She's almost 2 now and I absolutely adore her, getting her was the best thing for me. I actually think the grief helped me through the puppy days because as hard as it is not being able to take your eyes off them for a second, I was just glad I had another dog to look after and I'd think about how the new puppy stage doesn't last long at all really and I knew that with time and patience I'd end up with a lovely little dog that I loved as much as my last.

I feel like some people just can't be without a dog and I'm one of them.