Suddenly sad

[JustAnotherSod]

Over the past three years, we've welcomed one new pup, lost (very suddenly and unexpectedly) our 8 year old girl and, most recently, lost our 15 year old girl.

We've a new pup arriving on Friday - which I've been so excited about, but today I've suddenly crashed with guilt, that somehow we're replacing our much missed girls and are being disloyal to them.

I just don't know what to do.

You're not being disloyal sweetie ... you have a home with love in it to give another dog, do it, and be happy, your previous dog wouldn't want you to be unhappy, and you won't compare, you'll love the new dog equally, but differently - they're all special. Enjoy your new baby x

You are allowed to grieve for the dogs you have lost. When did your last girl pass… was it very recently? There’s not a set amount of time that needs to pass before you get a new pet, you’ll always remember the old dogs. My DM waited five years between dogs, we missed having dogs around that whole time. (Time wasted!). Your dogs wouldn’t want to see you unhappy.

You aren’t replacing your dogs they were loved and cared for until the day they passed.

You are a good dog owner and you aren’t doing anything wrong or disloyal by getting a new pup. You'll love the new pup and all the chaos that is going to bring! I hope he/she helps heal your heart, occupy your mind etc.

All dogs are different and we love them for different reasons. You can love multiple dogs at a time without feeling disloyal, so logically getting a new puppy shouldn’t make you feel like this - but I can see why you would.

You wouldn’t have gone through with getting a new puppy if you weren’t sure, would you? You’re too experienced an owner to buy a dog on a whim. So this is just a bit of a wobble. It’s entirely natural.

Try and remember it’s not about replacement, as dogs are individuals and cannot be replaced, but rather about moving forwards. I’m sorry for the loss of your dogs though - it’s horrible when they go and to lose them so close together must be incredibly difficult.

I feel a bit tearful reading this as one day this will be us. You’re not doing anything wrong or trying to replacing your lovely girls. Your existing dog will undoubtedly benefit from a new pup if they’ve been used to having one or two others. Our two are very much best friends and I think would be so lost suddenly finding themselves being the only dog so I’m sure we’d be doing the same as you.

Not a dog, but a cat...my darling 18 year old died just before Christmas after a long illness and with our vet in my house at 5am. My kids, who had travelled to our home country with their dad by then (I was soon to follow, but DCat was ill enough she needed to board with the vet and I was minimising her time there) had met a kitten at the vet clinic who was being fostered by the vet nurse there. Our vet said to me the morning DCat died "I kind of like you guys for that kitten". She wasn't ready for her forever home then, but she did come by for a playdate with our other cat two days later, and was spayed just after I got back at Xmas. She came to live with us exactly a month after our other cat died. I had had no intention of getting a kitten, or getting a cat so quickly, and I still miss our other cat so much that I cry at least twice a week.

That kitten, though, needed a home, and has been the best thing for our family. She is so loved--especially by our other cat. We are not less sad for having her, and she isn't a replacement for DCat. She has brought joy into our home, though, and I wouldn't be without her.

You will always love your dear girls who are gone. You will love the new dog too. They are different family members. Let yourself have the joy of the new dog.

You are not replacing them, nor are you being disloyal, rather you are giving a loving home to another pup. I have loved and lost numerous cats and dogs over my lifetime, they are all different and find their own special place in your heart.

Have you ever come across the children's book "Goodbye Mog" by Judith Kerr? It's about a well loved cat that dies and his ghost is only able to find rest once he is reassured that his human family is now happy and complete again because they have adopted a new kitten. I like to think there is a lot of truth in this. I am sure that my many dogs that have loved me are happy that I have filled the empty place in my heart by offering a home to a new pup. Enjoy your new puppy🐾❤️
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I am very sorry to read about losing your dogs and for the grief you are feeling. My dear old girl is in her last days and I know we will be in the same place before too long.
She was actually the pup that we bought for our grieving dog all those years ago, when he lost his best friend and companion.
He was so devastated, and then became so happy and attached, that we swore we would never have a dog alone again.

So we always ensure that we have “dog continuity”.
Not one of these dogs ever replaces the loved and lost ones but all of us, dogs and humans, begin the healing process, and benefit from being able to welcome a new puppy.
I hope that you have a great time with him/her. 🦴🐾

Thanks all - such kind words and they have really helped. I think a huge part of it is we got our three year old so our 8 year old wouldn't be on her own when our oldest girl died - then she died so suddenly and quickly that those best laid plans were overtaken.

Getting another is absolutely the right thing for our three year old - but I think we're just slightly quicker than would be best for us. We only lost our 15 year old in January, and although we knew it was coming and the timing was absolutely right for her, miss her like made. We've jumped at this pup as she is from the same lines as that old girl - will all be fine I'm sure - none of the three have ever 'replaced' any of the others, they've all just revealed 'their name' shaped holes in the family - and I'm sure new pup will equally fill 'her hole'.