Feel so lost and lonely without my dog

[Notanana]

We had to have our old girl pts 2 weeks ago .
the house feels so empty.
i used to have daily joy .
she made me laugh so many times a day
just by existing
she sat next to me all the time
i talked to people on walks

now at home( i only work pt)
i am sad
i dont get dressed
i dont want to walk without a dog
i cant find joy in something else- i miss the daiky little joys of her company so much

i am getting unfit , pale , depressed - i just want to stay in .

this is what ive done to try to cope

cried
journaled giving thanks for her life
talked to her
taken other dogs for a walk
spend too much money on line
tried to cook - no intrest

my thing was she and i used to do little day trips to nice places
i am missing that - my world has shrunk
but i dimt want to do it by my myself

i have lots of friends- but i like walking with dogs - as you can be silent and companionable .

i feel like i want another dog - but

dh says no its too early
dh says we need to experience the freedom of not having one- weekends away etc

i will compare all dogs to her - and so its not a good time or fair to get another

anyone able to relate ? What to do - most of the things i liked in my life have gone.

Oh, OP. This sounds awful. I am so sorry for your loss.

I got my youngest dog a month after I lost my cocker - and viewed him and his litter two days after my cocker passed. I moved really quickly - spoke to three different breeders within 24 hours of PTS the cocker. I still had two other dogs in my house but the grief was so all consuming that I just needed something to look forward to and to take my mind off the agony. Honestly, the month between losing my cocker and getting my golden was the worst time of my life (other than when I lost my grandparents). I was completely depressed and I still had two dogs to look after and walk with and so I was getting out and about etc.

I completely understand how you feel.

Addressing your partners points:

dh says no its too early - Did he love her as much as you did (I am assuming so)? Is he, perhaps, just not ready and he doesn't want to say that out loud? Ultimately getting a dog is a decision for the entire family. It could well be that he is not ready, in which case you may just have to wait - even if you are ready - because the last thing you want is for him to resent/hate a new puppy because he can't bond with it. Grief works different for all people.

dh says we need to experience the freedom of not having one- weekends away etc - This sounds great in theory but if you're a dog person, then I fully understand if you don't care about this. For me (personally) weekends away aren't weekends away without a furry little friend (or three!) and I'd find this a wooly reason. But if your partner genuinely does want to go away for a long weekend in Paris or something then I can understand why he wouldn't want the 'burden' of a dog.

i will compare all dogs to her - and so its not a good time or fair to get another - That'll be the same in 1 week or 1 year tbh. I still compare my current dogs to my childhood dog (flat coat). Different breeds. Different ages. Got them at different points in my life. Sometimes I look at my golden and compare him simply because they're both retrievers. It doesn't mean I love my golden any less.

Honestly, if it was me, I'd get another dog. But I also know that getting a new dog so soon after losing one is what works best for me - it might not work for others. Personally, I know that if I don't have something to focus on then my grief is all consuming - it was when my grandparents died, it was when my cocker died etc - and if someone tried to stop me from making myself better then I would resent them and quite frankly it probably would be the end of the relationship/friendship.

I think you need to be clear with your partner about just how awful you feel. He may just not have realised how devastated you are.

But you do need to remember, people grieve differently and if he's not ready then I don't think you can force him as the last thing you want is to bring a dog/puppy into a situation where they're not 100% wanted. That being said, you may end up having to decide what's more important - his feelings or your mental health.

Sorry, OP!

Sorry for your loss OP.
I lost my old boy almost 3 years ago, and I totally relate with how you're feeling now.

Before he passed, I was convinced I didn't want another dog (I wouldn't love a dog as much as my old boy, I want to enjoy a dog free life etc...)

Two weeks after he died, I started to feel that, actually, this dog free life might not be my thing, but let's give it a try for 1 year, whilst starting to look at dog breeds etc...

3 weeks after, I booked a flight and did a little roadtrip in Central Europe.

Did it again 4 months later, this time I went away for 6 weeks in Eastern Europe (I was working, I was a "digital nomad")
During that amazing trip, I knew I somehow peaked as a dog free person, and decided that it was time to trigger the process of getting a new dog.
At this stage, I had chosen the breed and knew that I'd have to wait a bit.

Once I put down a deposit and "booked" a little male on a future litter, I felt instantly better and back to having a purpose.

I waited 6 more months to have my pup, during those months I started to plan my life with him, went on a lot of walks in my local parks, imagining that soon, I'll have a little dog by my side. That was a nice time.

And then I had him, it was hard (because well...puppies are idiots) but also felt like I was back to my best self.

So, my advice is to wait a bit, start planning having another dog but enjoy a dog free life, imo it feels better when you know it's temporary...

Huge sympathy, OP. Our greyhound fairly recently had to be put to sleep and we were all distraught, with a big hole in our lives. A week later we went to the rehoming kennels with a view to looking at a few hounds to see who we might consider adopting. One had been carefully selected to be introduced to us. We took him home. He's been wonderful - different colour, size and slightly different temperament compared to our previous hound. We still miss our old one very much, but are appreciating the new one on his own terms. It's worked for us, but others may be different, of course.

Oh I am so sorry for your loss and I totally understand everything you are feeling. I have had dogs my whole life but when my last dog died I just wasn’t in the position (working ft in the office) to get another one. I would say I endured the next few years but was never truly happy because
like you, having a dog by my side made me ‘Me’. She was my constant companion and made my lifestyle what it was. People pointed out the ‘freedom’ I had when she died but pretty much everything I enjoyed doing involved having a dog with me and places I would visit were all full of dogs so it made the loss even harder if going alone. I tried walking other people’s dogs but that made it harder - I needed to be a dog’s ‘person’ and for them to look for me, not someone else.

I stayed sad until I made the decision to change my job so that I could work from home. The death of a family member brought home that life is very short, too short to be unhappy, especially if there is a relatively simple way to change it. I risked taking a pay cut (luckily it didn’t come to that) so I could have back the most important thing to me. And then I got my latest dog. I still miss my last girl, I miss them all, always will, but I have my life back and I’m Me again.

I’m not sure how quickly I would have left it before getting a new dog if the job wasn’t an issue and I had the complication of a reluctant partner. It would however have had to be a truly remarkable man who could have given me enough to replace what having a dog in my life gives me.

I don’t know what the answer is in your case because your dh does have to be fully on board before getting another but you need to have a frank conversation about what your loss means to you. And then maybe agree to have another conversation in say a month to see how your feelings have changed. And in the meantime, look at options for friends who might look after a dog for you if you (or rather your dh) wanted to go on a dog-free holiday or break away. Did anyone look after your last dog for you? Get together some options so that your dh can see how compromises could be made.

It is such early days so your grief will be very raw at the moment. When I was suddenly dog-less the one place I went to a lot was the cinema because there were no dogs there and I could immerse myself in a film for a couple of hours. Everywhere else, including home, was a constant reminder that she was gone so I know exactly how you feel.

💐

I am so sorry OP, it is dreadful to lose a pet. They are so much part of the family. Every time I have lost a dog I have said 'no more dogs' but end up with another one.

You have to do what is right for both of you.

I am so sorry and I understand your pain. I miss my old boy 18 months on. He was my world.

My dog is my first dog and I've been dreading losing him since I got him as a puppy so I completely understand how your grief has taken a strong hold. I wonder if you could start to plan these weekends/holidays your partner wants you to take and get them booked so that you've got something to look forward to and then plan to get a new dog when those things are done.

I think if your partner is saying you shouldn't get a new dog because he wants to do weekends away but none are booked, that will prolong your pain. Saying, 'let's get a new dog when we get back from our X holiday' or whatever will seem more concrete for you.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

Freedom is overrated! I have had many fur babies through my life, each is the last one! No more muddy floors, no more having to walk the dog in the cold. Or dark. Or rain. No more picking hairs off my clothes. Sooo many reasons not to bother with another dog but .... My house is not a home without a companion to welcome me back with excitement whenever I leave for 2 minutes. Current furbaby laid on my feet giving me cramp - love it!

Volunteer at a shelter or pound your next dog will then find you while the others give you joy

I lost my GSD after 16 years these too found me via rescue

Sorry OP it’s so difficult when they leave. You won’t compare another dog - they’re all different and it’s not disloyal to your old dog. I’ve never lasted more than 8 weeks dog-less - like you they are a part of who I am and I need to have them in my life.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling, my family lost our little dog last year and the pain is still there, it’s awful, I miss her so much, when I was tired, upset or angry in my room she would come up and lye with me and make everything ok. I’m getting emotional writing this thinking about her. Driving up my driveway and her not waiting at the window is hard too. My whole family have struggled especially my child who had her his whole life. She was just so special and like a therapy for everyone in the house. I feel like I want another dog too but then I feel guilty as if I’m replacing her so think it’s too early for us. i try to be thankful we had her for so long.

2 weeks is very normal and what you are feeling is to be expected, it does get easier, I was in a black hole for 3 weeks but it does lift. We are spreading her ashes somewhere she loved to walk once we feel ready. You will heal and you will find joy from another dog again but for now you need to grieve. 💝

Meant to say 2 weeks is very early x

I waited 2 years

Was utterly stupid, was sad every day - was horrendous

Not one day of sadness since I got the new dog (and then got 2 more)

Totally fuckwitted to not have done it sooner

Sorry for your loss, they do leave a massive hole in our lives. I do agree with your DH though. I don't understand people who go out and get a dog within days/weeks of losing their pet. You wouldn't go out and get a new husband straight away would you?! You can't replace the pet that has died and that's the one I wanted, not any pet, I wanted her 😥

Sounds like DH doesn't want a dog and is glad you're dogfree.
I think his reasons are stupid and not true.
Of course you can get another dog straight away, it's not for everyone but it's been a while already, I'd just get another and send your DH off for his dogfree weekends alone.
So many in rescue centres right now deserve a good home. I'm sure you'll find another perfect match. And why spend your life in misery counting down the days til you're "allowed to want another one"
P.s. the new place hotel in shirrel heath has dog friendly rooms and really good dinner, bed and breakfast deals.

Oh op🥲 I can totally relate to this - and my dog isstill with me. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about what my life will be like without him. It’s going to be just as you describe. I love him so much. The games we play, the cuddles, just everything. They give us the most joy but the most heartbreak.

I disagree with your DH.I think getting another will help. You can’t replace her but another dog will be different & you can make different memories. Time is a healer too. Let yourself grieve, cry & all the rest.

I’m so sorry and I totally get it.

I completely, completely understand. Lost my darling girl last month to cancer. The sadness has been like stones pressing me down. As I write, the door is open in case she's out there somewhere, her night time little bowl of milk is on the hearthrug, just in case she thinks she is forgotten.
The loss is appalling.
I also miss the walks, but haven't had the courage to try them on my own. There was an oak tree she always hid behind at the end of the walk. She would peep out, teasing me, eyes sparkling as I pretended she was lost, and then dash out like the best surprise in the world, every single time.
I would love another dog, right now. I would have one if it was up to me. Everyone says, 'too soon, thought you loved her, fancy wanting to replace her,' stuff like that.
She will never be replaced, but as soon as I can I will get another. Two, if I can manage it. I hope I'm not too old.
Every word you said, I could have said myself.
I hope you find another furry face too. I hope we both do. And I am so sorry for your dreadful loss.

Hey OP. In November we had the same thing happen as your going through now. Our 16yo girl had a stroke and we had to pts. I’d always said I never wanted another day after we lost her due to the mess she made (malting, paw prints etc) and the ties however, the day we lost her I fell apart. There really is nothing that compares to loosing your beloved pet. She was always there, you’re never alone, quietly being your biggest fan. The silence after they’re gone is deafening.
We lasted around 3 weeks. The pain was too much, the sadness was overwhelming. So we got a pup and it was easily the best thing we ever did. She brings so much joy to our lives and love. It doesn’t irradicate the grief of loosing our girl but it takes our minds off it and has made life good again. So go for it. The odd weekend away isn’t worth giving up the lifetime of love you get from a fur baby.
Im so sorry for your loss OP. I really do feel your pain.

So sorry for your loss. Thank goodness you found each other in this crazy world and forged such a beautiful bond.

Hi op. My darling dog was pts just over 2 weeks ago. The house is very empty. She was 15 years old. She was the first dog I've ever had and I love her so much. The grief was awful for a few days although my colleagues at work were great. I think for me though I feel a sense of relief now. Not relief that she's gone, but relief that we've got through making the decision. She had dementia, cataracts and was fairly deaf. She suddenly stopped eating and drinking, so we thought this is the time. She's made the decision.
We were fortunate that a lovely vet came to our house and it was so peaceful. She fell asleep on the sofa with her whole family around her.
I know I want another dog, but dh is not so keen. We can't get one at the moment due to the hours i work. I had a beautiful dream about her the other night... she was full of life and it all felt so real.