When is the time ?

[UnderwhelmedEnid]

Hello! I've read lots of posts about the topic and feel more sad and confused than ever.
Our 15 yo beloved Tibetan terrier is coming to the end of her life. She has chronic kidney failure and is incontinent, she has arthritis but this is managed by librella, she has dementia.
We are up every day with her at 5am because she wants to go in the garden and barks incessantly to do so waking us all up but she's not going outside to wee as she's already done so all over the kitchen as she is incontinent owing to her kidneys
She doesn't want to come out on walks anymore.
But she has a good appetite and I think enjoys being around us still. My DP says it's time, he has had dogs his whole life. She is my first dog though we now have another, and I just can't see how it can be - she's still up and about and enjoys spending time with us I think.
We have discussed it with the vet who has said we'll know when it's the right time. We are really falling out over it at home which is I'm sure fuelled in part by the early starts.
Am I in denial? The vet when she saw her said she is inclined to agree with me, she was wagging her tail for liver treats when she was there. My family agree with me too.
I'm at a loss. DP says this can't go on.

If she has some quality of life I’d hang on.

It's time. I don't say this lightly,we had our last dog a Phalene PTS in January 23, he would have been 18 in march. He had CCD, for a year we took turns in staying up with him at night. For about 4 years he would follow other people when let off the lead. Then he started howling,then barking and crying at night.he was still going out for walks on the lead. He would walk across the room when he woke up and pee or poo. He was eating a lot,he had forgotten he had been fed, but was loosing weight. We tried both a supplement and medication, they didn't help. He did have rotten teeth for several years because the vet wouldn't put a dog this small and old under GA. We kept saying but he's still eating, she said that wasn't an indication of quality of life. We made the appointment for a couple of days time, making that and doing it was far worse than when he had gone. We gave him the best life, We're near the beach and countryside,he slept on our bed.

Our previous dog, a border collie was also 17. She had had CCD for several years. Then She developed kidney failure , got very thin, very quickly,her coat was all Matt. She had urea in her breath, wanted to go for walks,then collapsed. She was never incontinent.

Thank you both! The first two responses reflect exactly what we're having issues with at home 🤦‍♀️🥺
I worry greatly that if it's too soon it will stay with me always. But what is too soon- DP says to me - "how much worse do you want it to get for her?" But she is a living, loving animal

This is such a difficult and heartbreaking situation.

We had to say goodbye to our darling 14 year old dog last autumn and I am still reeling.

I think the decision is made harder because you see your dog every day and whilst you notice the deterioration in them it is so gradual that you almost become immune to it. After our dog was PTS I couldn't bear to look at photos and videos of her for a while as I was in so much pain with grief. After a month I started to look at them for comfort, but what I really noticed was how very slow, old and tired she was in the most recent photos. In my mind the young, zippy, vibrant star she once was was still there.....but really, she was ill, 100 in dog years and life was not the joy for her it had been.

Another thing I think you might be struggling with (as I did) is the feeling that you might be ending things because of the impact her illness is having on your life. That's not the case though is it - you would go to the ends of the earth for her. Put that to one side and think just of her.

When the time came for our girl to go she slipped away so peacefully and willingly I am sure she had had enough.

My advice would be to say goodbye when there are still moments of joy amongst the aging. If you wait until all joy is gone you might think you left it too late and wonder why you let your darling pup go through those last few days. Our kind and clever vet said, 'Better two weeks early than two weeks late' and I think there's a lot of truth in that.

It sounds as though your dog couldn't be more loved. I do feel so sorry for you - it's the most difficult decision.

I think your DP is right. She's in kidney failure, she has dementia and she's incontinent. She deserves to go while she still has her dignity x

I am so very sorry. We had to do it last month with our 9 year old girl, but we had little choice as she had inoperable cancer and it was growing very fast. Even so, she was still as bright and communicative as ever, and going for 2 walks a day. It felt utterly cruel and wrong.
But, looking back now, I see the walks were plods. Her nights were bad. She curled in corners as she had never done before. She growled at me when I lifted her into the car, something she had never done before. The only good part of the grief that has come now is that we didn't wait any longer.
It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But they say, 'if you love them, let them go.' And that's what it came down to in the end.
My heart goes out to you.

It’s definitely time, if not imminently time.

’better a week too soon, than a day too late’

Thank you all so much for your time and your wisdom. I think that it's time, but not imminently time, is a wise comment so thank you.

I guess we will spend the time with her wisely and well with the family. My concern is that I just don't know when 'the time' will actually be.

X

Definitely better to be too soon

If it helps at all, I went with too soon for my adored cat but I have never regretted it - it was the equivalent of saying goodbye to a 90yo vs a 95yo
He was alert, no toilet issues but losing weight, elderly and constant UTI problems and the vet said one day soon the treatment would stop working
I decided I didn't want the end to be at 3am with me driving to the emergency vet with him in agony so I went with a few weeks, possibly a few months early. But if I hadn't, it could have been too late IYSWIM

He went cuddled in my arms happy with no pain or rush

@pelotonaddiction That sounds like a very brave and wise situation.

If I could see my time over again I would have done it sooner. Not much sooner, but month or two would have saved a lot of hardship and our girl would have not have had some hard days.

If you think it's time, but not imminently time, then it probably is time (and you are blurring the truth with hope).