Newly rehomed dog with separation anxiety

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi.
Just wondering if anyone has experienced similar and desperately hoping it will get better.
We rehomed a 3 year old whippet just under a fortnight ago. DP had the easter holidays off and I've had this week off. We thought she'd be able to be left alone for short periods of time by now but.....no.

DP is away on holiday this week and I've been with her.....at all times. She whines if I go out of the front door for more than 30 seconds and is unable to settle. I've tried doing the door is a bore training throughout the week, very little impact thus far and I've been as structured with I as I can.

Just spoke to DP on the phone, he's due home tomorrow. He seems to think I'm over worrying and she'll just "have to get used to being left alone". I've told him in no uncertain terms that all behavioural advice is to do the training slowly and never force them to be alone and cry it out as that makes it worse....

We've sorted dog sitters for the next two weeks while we're at work but beyond that DP thinks she'll be fine. I'm starting to suspect which got a long road ahead of us and I'm almost in tears and overwhelmed.

The dog came from a family home where they had to move house and couldn't keep her.....apparently she had no separation anxiety there so this has obviously been triggered by the awful upheaval for her.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here.....reassurance that training helps?

It can get better but takes time and patience. Unfortunately there aren't any quick fixes and trying to rush the process can be counterproductive. Our rescue developed terrible SA after he'd been with us a few weeks (once he settled in and bonded I suspect). Luckily for him the pandemic happened and DH switched to WFH. He's ok to be left for a few hours now, just sleeps on the sofa! (DDog not DH 😁)
Be Right Back by Julie Naismith is a really useful book and think there's an app too.
Good luck

Training absolutely does help OP, it just takes a lot of time, patience & effort. It is absolutely a case of slow progress though with separation anxiety and is a case of literally close the door for 5 seconds, come back and reward, close for 10 seconds, back and reward, close for 20 seconds etc, and once you hit one she struggles with then you go back into the “safe zone” and work your way up again. But it does need to be done very slowly.

It is absolutely doable though so try to be reassured by that- we also have a dog who had awful separation anxiety, couldn’t even leave the room for the toilet without crying, she’s now absolutely fine at home on her own for anything up to 3/4 hours (we wouldn’t leave any dog longer that that for toilet breaks )!

Also worth knowing that if they genuinely did not have separation anxiety at her previous home then most likely it is just the upheaval of all new people and all new space causing this, it will be due to insecurity rather than genuine separation anxiety and once she settles into her new home & new people she should improve quickly x

Yes, it will be a long road. Training things like anxiety out of older dogs can take a very long time to work. A few weeks is nothing in the scheme of things.

The dog won’t even be properly settled in to their new home yet. It’s months and month of consistent technique, slow repeated actions over a longer period.

I think it will take time more than a few weeks although going out then coming back in quickly will reassure her, I think extending the dog sitters for a few more weeks and see how it goes. Is she crate trained? I know some people don't like them but a covered den might make her feel secured.

So, what is the 3x3x3 rule? In simple terms, it says that it takes 3 days for your new dog to decompress from travel, 3 weeks for them to learn your routine, and 3 months for them to truly feel at home

This is the 3 rule.

Thanks, yeah my hope is that this isn't genuine separation anxiety (I have since spoken again to the previous owner who said she was absolutely fine on her own before with the news on in the background 😄) and that she'll settle once she's used to us.

I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst- I'm trying to sort out sitters for the next month minimum and I'm doing door is a bore training as best I can 💙

My heart breaks for her, she must be so scared

This sounds like a dog you bought rather than a rescue you have rehomed from a charity, is that right?

If so, I wonder why you trust what the previous owners say?

I agree with PP that the rule of 3 is a good guide.

Have you tried a diffuser like Adaptil, as it might help take the edge of the anxiety?

Thanks, that's reassuring! Interesting that yours took a few weeks to develop it....that makes sense though as they say that after the first few weeks once a rescue has settled in thats when their anxieties and difficult behaviour start to show 😬

I just need to drill it in to DP that we cannot leave her to cry and howl as it'll make her worse...I'm not sure he believes me yet....

Yes, correct. I have been mindful that the previous owner may not have been totally honest. That being said she has stayed in touch, tried to answer all questions I've had, offered advice, and she seems reasonably genuine.

Sorry to add - not got a diffuser but got her an adaptil collar to wear

Are you sure she didn’t have separation anxiety at her previous home?

I'd also suspect she had separation anxiety in the previous home, I'm afraid to say.

I also hate to worry you, but it can take years to get them okay with being left. I say that from bitter experience.

Agree with this.

If she had it in her old home, then it's going to be 100x worse now as her worst fear has come true - she was abandoned.

TBH, OP, private re-homes often involve only half a story being told...I'm afraid you may find more issues emerge as the weeks progress.

Thanks all.....not what I wanted to hear obviously but I guess I need to be realistic 😳

We were searching for the right dog for 6 months or longer and I was surprised how honest people were being when talking about their dogs behavioural issues and separation anxiety and stuff, as I was on the lookout for red flags (or so I thought).

My dogs previous owners were keen to take her on a walk with us to show how she is on the lead, show her recall, show how she is with kids etc. She seemed super confident about the dogs behaviour and very honest. (And tbf, apart from the separation issues her behavior has been really good and her confidence is improving by the day)

I think it's too early to say. She's only been with you for a couple of weeks, so she will still be unsettled. As others have said above, you are looking at 3 months for her to settle in properly.

In the meantime, lots of walks together, and play with her as much as you can to build the bond.

It could be that they were totally oblivious to her anxiety - many people just leave their dogs home alone and have no clue whether they're actually happy or not.

How long do you need to leave her for normally ?

I work outside of the house 3 days a week for 6 hours, on those days I'd have a dog walker come in for an hour.

Thanks, yeah we've been doing lots of nice walks with treats and positive reinforcement and lots of playing and cuddling.

That's a very good point. So sad if it's true 😔

I walk a couple of dogs who are left home alone - the owners insist they're fine as there's no destruction or mess, but I can pretty much always hear them howling as I arrive and leave

Oh Jesus that's so sad. I guess the owners don't believe you when you tell them that's the case? I can't imagine how they're so oblivious? I couldn't imagine leaving my dog howling for 30 seconds let alone all day every day

I think if my first family had disappeared and then my second who seem nice keep disappearing I would be anxious they might not come back.

It's very very early days and can take months for a puppy to get used to being left and I think rescues are no different.

Hopefully not cuddling in the literal sense? Many dogs don't actually like this, and it may have the opposite effect to the one you are hoping for?

If you just mean attention and stroking, then all good. 👍

Is there a daycare nearby that you could use instead of a walker ?