Our beloved dog was 15 . We had a loveky day before she dies - she snoozes next to me .
She developed a painful condition that would have meant treatment that was painful plus after care she would have hated .
she waa blind , deaf and had some dementia.
I had had surgery one week ago and was due to have my stitches out the afternoon of the morning I found her suddenly panting amd I knew she was in pain.
This was at 9am.
I rang the vet surgery and the vet rang me an hour later saying she would be with us about 11 /1130 - in the last yeaR the vet Came to the housw aa she hated the vet plus oanikes as she could not see.
The vet said she was in pain and gave her pain killers.she said she could not guatantee that this issue of treated would not return and the treatment would be invasive and there would be a series of treatments during recover that we know she would not like.
the vet said i f it was her dog she would pts.
we agreed as we could not see her struggling with this .
the vet said she could stay with us for 24 hours on pain meds to have time with her . But that she could not guarantee that she would not be in pain as the meds ran out.
i asked her who this would be for and she said you not our dog . I said i did not want to delay for us as I would not want any pain for her .
the vet gave us a few mins amd we fed her some chocolate to soothe her as she loved it but it was forbidden-then the vet explained that she would give her first a sedative to relax her , then fit a cathetar to administer euthanasia. But she would be relaxed.
i said i wanted to play her her favourite music and she was in a lovely bed - this is meditation music i played and she recognised and associated with relxation .
this is where may massive regret begins..
i went out of the room to avoid hear her squeal with the injection - thinking i wd be then with her as she relaxed and began to dose. My dh was there.
when i came back in the room - expecting her to be gently alert then dose - she was deeply deeply asleep.
she did not know i was there and cdnt hear me as she was deaf.
I wasnt with her as she drifted away at the time she needed me most .
my dh keeps saying but she was in her favourite bed , she cd smell you- this was the place where we had snuggled together for hours the day before.
but i didnt get to say goodbye and i feel i let her down .
I was not with her as she feel into deep deep sleep.
It is haunting me . I am feeling so guilty. I was the person she was closest to and i was nt with her ( my stupid panicked brain did not hear that this would happen quicky ( dh said the vet did say she may sleep quickly ) .
i let her down at the last minute as i wanted to avoid the injection and thought id have time with her .