Pet grief advice

[orchid1384]

Hi,

Heartbreakingly we had to say goodbye to our beautiful dog last week. He was 13 years and had to be put to sleep due to a variety of reasons.

I found the entire process and lead up really difficult and to be honest even the past 6 months or so I frequently worked myself up and got upset at the thought of loosing him as his health gradually declined.

The few days before the appointment I felt permanently sick, wasn’t sleeping and just extremely sad. Part of that sickness left once it happened, partly a bit of relief that he was no longer suffering and I wasn’t worried about something happening to him in the night.

Im finding the process a bit strange so far, I went back to work on Tuesday and I think since then I’ve almost tried to go back to normal and believe in my mind that it’s not really happening, then in the evenings I’ve been super busy with things. Then tonight when I’ve been alone it just all caught up with me and I remembered how terribly sad I am and how much I miss him and always will.

I’m really conscious of trying to not bury my emotions or trying to just keep busy as I do this a lot. I just want to find the best way of working through it and accepting I won’t ever see him again. It’s really tough.

How have your experiences been with grief? Does anyone have any advice or things that have helped them? xx

Accept it will be really sad and it will be really sad for much longer than anyone thinks you will be sad about it and much longer than you expect to be sad about it. Give yourself at least 6 months to move beyond heart breaking grief and a year to be able to stop crying every time you talk about it.

find other people whose dog also died and talk to them about it and cry about it, because no one else understands. I’ve had my my most healing moments with strangers.

Only time helps. It does get easier.

Time really is the best healer. And being honest about how you feel with friends/family is really important - non ‘pet’ people might not get it, but others 100% will. Don’t be afraid of being sad or crying.

However, Everyone responds to pet grief differently. When I lost a dog about 17 months ago, I went out and got a puppy less than a month later - I already had two dogs at home still, but having the puppy (totally different breed - went from a cocker to a golden) really helped me. I stopped going on walks thinking ‘oh he should be here with his sister and my other dog’ or watching the remaining two play and thinking ‘oh he should be here,’ and instead I was thinking ‘so today, I’ll train the golden on XYZ.’ It helped take my mind off it - otherwise I’d have spent months crying and grieving. I still grieved - but it just wasn’t as ‘all consuming’ (if that makes sense). When I’d lost solo dogs previously and waited to get a new dog, I had a significant depressive period - and I know now the best way to avoid it is to get a new puppy nearly straight away. BUT equally I know someone who hasn’t had another dog since they lost theirs 10 years ago as they didn’t think they could love another dog so deeply.

All of that was a long way of saying, everyone has their individual ways of processing and coping. You’ll get some great advice on here, but no two human/dogs bond the same way. It’s always different.

I’m sorry for your loss, losing a dog is so hard - especially one you’ve loved for over a decade.