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If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Don't know what to do

22 replies

MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 14:14

Hoping for some advice on my two female dogs. They are a similar age (one 14 and one 13.5), both terrier crosses we have had since they were tiny puppies. We had the older dog first and then got the second dog as company for her 6 months later, so they have always been together. As they are bitches, they have had a few fallings out over the years but the younger dog is besotted with my older dog (although she bosses her about on occasion). The younger dog has had a cataract in one of her eyes since she was 5 and when I took her to the specialist vet this week they said her eye pressures were now high and she has secondary glaucoma in that eye - the vet advised managing this with painkillers as likely to be giving her some pain. The alternative would be to remove the eye but I'm reluctant to do that as she does not stand for any interference and we wouldn't be able to bathe the area or tend to it without her snapping. She is very anxious, a lovely dog but incredibly nervous and therefore you can't even wipe her feet without her snapping or growling. We have a young child so we have had to keep the dogs separate and have multiple stair gates to manage this downstairs, a shame for our daughter as she isn't able to freely come into the kitchen but we manage. Since our daughter was born we have always said we would manage the situation with this dog as best as we can, but it is difficult.
My other dog has been diagnosed with cushings disease and is very unwell. The vet has prescribed medication but it's having limited impact. She struggles to get in and out of the back door even with help and is like a completely different dog. We have spoken to the vet about euthanasia but wanted to see if the medication would improve things for her.
My partner has very much decided that the best thing to do is to euthanise both dogs together as my younger dog would be extremely depressed without her pal. When we take the older dog to the vets the younger dog paces and pines for her. He thinks the kindest thing to do is to put both dogs to sleep together. He feels the older dogs is suffering and the younger dog is also in pain, plus her anxiety is a concern. We very rarely have guests, and most certainly not children as, whilst we know to close gates etc. behind us, others don't and then we feel this is risky due to the younger dogs anxiety and the fact she has snapped in the past. We are also up at least three times a night with the older dog barking to be let out as one of the side-effects of cushings is excessive drinking. This of course has caused tension in our relationship as we are constantly exhausted. However, I absolutely cannot put the dogs to sleep due to inconvenience and my partner says this is not the reason. Basically I just feel incredibly sad. Before our daughter was born we went through years of fertility treatment and the dogs have been like my babies, which I know isn't how I should have treated them but I can't cope with the thought of losing them. I don't want them to be in pain though, I couldn't do that either. Essentially I don't know what to do for the best, but my partner feels strongly that this is the best choice. He isn't being forceful or unpleasant about it, he just feels this is the kindest thing to do for the dogs and for us as a family.

OP posts:
Zebracat · 04/04/2024 14:24

Gosh that sounds incredibly difficult. You obviously adore your dogs. I adore mine too, and the past dogs we have said goodbye too. It’s definitely time for the older dog. Cushings is horrid. I can’t see how you can manage the younger(13 yr old!) dogs eye condition, if she doesn’t let you clean her feet. There will be drops and so on. So I would agree with your Dh. You have clearly been there for these girls through the good times and the hard, and accommodated their requirements even when that hasn’t been easy. I think it is time to say goodbye.

Devilshands · 04/04/2024 14:26

I agree with your partner.

If one dog is in pain then you should PTS. And if the other one can't cope/won't cope without the other dog and will be in pain/suffer then the best thing to do is also PTS that dog. Medicating a dog against pain is a really bad idea long term (who knows what other issues manifest and are covered by the painkillers - particularly in an older dog) and just masks symptoms.

You need to think about your daughter. She should be able to have free run of the house.

I don't think you're putting a dog to sleep because of inconvenience - but rather because she will suffer.

I've been here OP (two dogs from the same litter - would never do it again for this exact reason and now always have a good age gap between dogs). It's horrible watching one dog waste away after their best friend dies - whilst knowing that they cannot/will not cope with a new (dog) addition to the family. If your dog going to be in pain on top of that suffering...it just seems like the right thing to do.

I am really sorry. It's a horrible situation

MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 14:28

Zebracat · 04/04/2024 14:24

Gosh that sounds incredibly difficult. You obviously adore your dogs. I adore mine too, and the past dogs we have said goodbye too. It’s definitely time for the older dog. Cushings is horrid. I can’t see how you can manage the younger(13 yr old!) dogs eye condition, if she doesn’t let you clean her feet. There will be drops and so on. So I would agree with your Dh. You have clearly been there for these girls through the good times and the hard, and accommodated their requirements even when that hasn’t been easy. I think it is time to say goodbye.

Thank you for being so kind, I really appreciate it as feeling so emotional. I also appreciate your viewpoint as I just can't get to a place where I'm clear on what's best and I don't think I ever will - I'm too devastated at the thought of it. I've had these dogs since I was in my 20s and I'm now in my early 40s so they've been there through a lot with me. Just can't imagine not seeing their faces every day. The older dog has an appointment with the vet next week so I think we might take the opportunity to discuss with him again. Cushings is horrible, my lovely girl looks so frail and it happened so fast.

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Stillnormal · 04/04/2024 14:31

im so sorry you’re going through this - I know how it is to have a very well bonded pair of old dogs. It sounds very tough. Gently, I think your partner is right though. One thing we can do for our beloved pets is release them from suffering. Very hard to get your head around but one thing I noticed when mine went was that I was no longer constantly anxious about whether they were in pain - it is a big release to know they’re not suffering. Sending love and light xx

MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 14:33

Devilshands · 04/04/2024 14:26

I agree with your partner.

If one dog is in pain then you should PTS. And if the other one can't cope/won't cope without the other dog and will be in pain/suffer then the best thing to do is also PTS that dog. Medicating a dog against pain is a really bad idea long term (who knows what other issues manifest and are covered by the painkillers - particularly in an older dog) and just masks symptoms.

You need to think about your daughter. She should be able to have free run of the house.

I don't think you're putting a dog to sleep because of inconvenience - but rather because she will suffer.

I've been here OP (two dogs from the same litter - would never do it again for this exact reason and now always have a good age gap between dogs). It's horrible watching one dog waste away after their best friend dies - whilst knowing that they cannot/will not cope with a new (dog) addition to the family. If your dog going to be in pain on top of that suffering...it just seems like the right thing to do.

I am really sorry. It's a horrible situation

Thank you so much for your post, I'm so sorry you've had to suffer this too. I don't think I could do this again, but definitely not with dogs who are of a similar age - it's heartbreaking. I totally get what you are saying and this is definitely what my partner thinks too, he feels our daughter should be able to have the freedom to move around without us being so worried and having gates in place. I completely agree, we have tried to keep everyone safe but ultimately everyone also missed out.
I knew this day would come, but it's so much harder than I imagined. How do people cope? I'm not very good at putting a brave face on but I will of course for my daughter. She's nearly 3 so I am also really worried about how she will feel and how to manage it if we do put the girls to sleep. She always says how much she loves the dogs.

OP posts:
WYorkshireRose · 04/04/2024 14:34

We unfortunately have very recent experience of having one of ours PTS over Easter weekend, so I can appreciate what a difficult decision it is. But for all the same reasons as your DP, I agree that the kinder thing to do would be to let them go together. It doesn't sound like your younger dog will have much quality of life if left alone, both due to the physical eye condition and the trauma of being separated from their lifelong friend.

MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 14:35

Stillnormal · 04/04/2024 14:31

im so sorry you’re going through this - I know how it is to have a very well bonded pair of old dogs. It sounds very tough. Gently, I think your partner is right though. One thing we can do for our beloved pets is release them from suffering. Very hard to get your head around but one thing I noticed when mine went was that I was no longer constantly anxious about whether they were in pain - it is a big release to know they’re not suffering. Sending love and light xx

Thank you so much. You are right, it's is absolutely the one thing we can do for them. These messages are really helpful and making me realise he is right. I was hoping he wasn't, although I knew he was coming from a good place - it's just hard to accept. I do think if they went together it would be the kindest thing for them both but I so wish it wasn't yet.

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WYorkshireRose · 04/04/2024 14:36

*also to add, we have a 5YO and haven't tried to hide the upset of losing our Ddog from him, because we felt it was important he understand that crying is a normal part of the grieving process when you lose someone you love. He's been absolutely fine.

MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 14:37

WYorkshireRose · 04/04/2024 14:34

We unfortunately have very recent experience of having one of ours PTS over Easter weekend, so I can appreciate what a difficult decision it is. But for all the same reasons as your DP, I agree that the kinder thing to do would be to let them go together. It doesn't sound like your younger dog will have much quality of life if left alone, both due to the physical eye condition and the trauma of being separated from their lifelong friend.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm a mess at the thought of it so I can only imagine how hard it must be. Thank you for what you said, I'm starting to realise now this is the right thing to do. It's very hard to accept. So sorry you are suffering too Flowers

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muddyford · 04/04/2024 14:41

I wouldn't try to put a brave face on for your daughter. She will worry about what you aren't expressing. You can be horribly upset after losing two family members at once. She'll see how much you loved them. I think you are brave and making the right decision.

MaMisled · 04/04/2024 14:42

Stillnormal · 04/04/2024 14:31

im so sorry you’re going through this - I know how it is to have a very well bonded pair of old dogs. It sounds very tough. Gently, I think your partner is right though. One thing we can do for our beloved pets is release them from suffering. Very hard to get your head around but one thing I noticed when mine went was that I was no longer constantly anxious about whether they were in pain - it is a big release to know they’re not suffering. Sending love and light xx

Absolutely agree and OP I'm so sorry. We made the painful decision to send our very special 11 Yr old terrier cross to sleep in November, he was blind in one eye, partially blind in the other, had Cushings and diabetes. He coped for a short time then suddenly rapidly deteriorated which aided our decision. Our other dog (12) was utterly miserable, bereft for nearly 4 months and still isn't the same happy girl. I was heartbroken but, as Stillnormal experienced, my gnawing anxiety lifted. You'll make the right decision OP. We can read how much you love x care for them. Sending strength. X

Blistory · 04/04/2024 14:49

Taking time to plan my girl's last day helped me tremendously. I booked it a week in advance and for it to happen in her favourite place after one last night cuddled up together and a wander around her best walks. I then took her straight to the crematorium and picked her ashes up the next day.

Having a plan was difficult but it meant that I had no emergency appointments or the trauma of walking out of the vets with just an empty lead. I had time to say goodbye and she had a whole world of love packed into that week.

Don't get me wrong - I went to cancel half a dozen times but knowing that whilst every day had happy or content moments, there was also pain and sufferiing kept me determined to do what was right for her, even though it wasn't and never would be right for me.

This bit is about them which is what will get you through. And in time, you will look back with gratitude that you were blessed with two amazing dogs to share that part of your life with. It won't always hurt and the memories will always be with you.

MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 14:49

Thank you @muddyford that's a really good point, it's normal to feel sad and I don't want to teach her to bottle up emotions. Thank you for your kind words, it's incredibly difficult but I somehow feel a bit more at peace having spoken to you all - I think I knew this was the right choice but couldn't quite face it.

OP posts:
Beamur · 04/04/2024 14:51

Your 3 year old won't be terribly upset for long.
Explain that the dogs are very unwell and not going to get better. It's ok for you to be upset. Losing pets in childhood is a good way for children to begin to understand about life and death.
She'll probably talk about them and maybe ask some questions.
Big hugs for you though - I'd be heartbroken to have to put 2 pets down at the same time.
My only caveat to your husband's argument is that the loss of the older dog will affect the younger but not necessarily as predictably as he imagines. Despite being bonded, dogs can behave very differently if a more dominant dog goes.
Personally I think I would not get both PTS at the same time and would see if the younger dog is more compliant as an only.

MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 14:52

Thank you @MaMisled and so sorry for your loss. It must have been so awful to see your terrier so poorly, I know how horrible cushings is on its own. I do love them very much, it really is one of the most heartbreaking decisions I've ever had to make.

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MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 14:55

So sorry for your loss @Blistory and thank you for posting. It sounds like you gave your girl a really special final week, I think that might be a good way for us to say goodbye too. When the vet spoke to us previously he mentioned companies who can come to your house and I think that would most likely be the option we would go with so they aren't stressed or worried. My youngest dog absolutely hates being in the car so I couldn't do that to her.

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MaryLouWho · 04/04/2024 14:57

Thank you @Beamur I appreciate this different opinion as want to make sure we do the right thing. Yes, being matter of fact and honest with my daughter will probably be the best option, I really hope you're right and she won't be too sad for long. As the dogs have had to be quite separate I'm hoping this will help but she definitely sees them and talks about them every day.

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OldSpeclkledHen · 04/04/2024 16:48

@Blistory your post made me cry at work, such a lovely time to have spent with your pup (albeit with the worst ending ❤️)

NosnowontheScottishhills · 04/04/2024 21:22

Two anecdotes;
A few years ago we put an old dog to sleep his companion then 8 yrs old had been with him since he was a puppy and was devoted to him, he even slept on his back, like your younger dog if we took the old dog to the vet he would cry and fret.
The old dog was put down and literally for about 20 mins the younger dog looked upset and was obviously looking for him and then almost appeared to shrug his shoulders as if to say “oh well moving on” he’s never looked back!
In contrast I had two dogs the old one mentioned above although significantly younger then and another of similiar age they been together about 4 years they didn’t hate each other but they did have the odd spat, and no one would have described them as devoted to each other or even good friends. One died suddenly the other one pined for him for well over a month.
Finally I personally wouldn’t keep any animal alive that was in chronic pain that I’m not sure I was adequately controlling with pain killers our pets are relying on us to put our emotions to one side to do the right thing for them.

tsmainsqueeze · 04/04/2024 21:55

I can see you have such a hard decision to make , if this helps at all in my many years experience as a vet nurse i have had to assist with euthanasia for a clients both dogs at the same time on a few occasions -not something that happens often thankfully but in each case i felt that it was the right thing to do at the time and each one was totally justified.

ACynicalDad · 04/04/2024 22:53

I've seen it said here many times but better a bit too early than too late, it will be horrible, but it's going to happen soon, just let them go.

EdithStourton · 05/04/2024 03:45

OP, it's very tough, but I think your partner is right. Both dogs are suffering.

If you remove your concerns about convenience from the equation, that still stands out.

Saying goodbye to a dog is bad enough, and having to say goodbye to two must be even worse. But your 3 yr old will be fine about it.

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