How to get everyone in the house to help?

[hackedoff123]

We got a puppy a year ago. My husband just gave in to the kids one day, I think it was in hope of restoring something to look forward to as I had just lost my dad.

Fast forward and I'm struggling. Dog is lovely but needy and hard work and it seems most things have become my job. I walk him everyday, feed, bathe, train etc etc. Kids love him but do bare minimum and husband literally not interested. All came to a head last night when the dog managed to smear shit over kitchen floor after a walk in the rain before bed. I bathed him then had to clean all the floors. Lost it with kids and husband and now I'm lying here at 3am feeling bad about it.

Just feel like their lives go on as normal and I'm stuck here taking care of a clingy dog. My husband never liked dogs. Fed up. How do you all manage it without going mad? Genuinely think I'm depressed and can't figure out how best to deal with it.

You give the dog up.

If they can’t or won’t take responsibility for a living creature then they don’t deserve one.
TBH if one person in the house doesn’t like dogs then you shouldn’t get one…this was bound to happen with a husband that didn’t like dogs and kids (kids are crap with helping out with pets - other than a few rare cases). Your DH is 100% to blame here.

It’s not your fault, OP. But dogs are needy and hard work. It really is a family effort in most cases and if you can’t cope, then the best thing to do is relinquish the dog otherwise this resentment will fester. It’s okay to say it’s not working and you can’t cope and the dog has to go. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure or a bad person.

Sorry, I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear - but I don’t see this improving. You either need to give the dog up or tell your DH/Kids they have to change or the dog goes (but IME things change then go back to the same way most of the time…)

You take the dog to a rescue centre and allow it to go to another owner. Better still make your husband go. He got the dog. He deals with it.

If they can't or won't step up, and you can't do it alone, then you need to return the dog to the breeder or sign it over to a rescue centre.

In fact, I'd make your husband do it and take the kids along with him.

I’m torn op, devilshands is right, it doesn’t change- we’ve a dog a year and a half now and the rest of the family give him a little pat and tell him he’s a good dog and off they go. Sorry, sometimes they’ll say ‘mammy, are you not going to pat the dog’ and I’ll have to muffle my inwards screams as in general I’ll have been up at 6 with him, walked/played with him, fed him and he’ll be following me around and if it’s raining, trying to get the lunches as I make them for the kids/barking at me as I eat breakfast.

I think family meeting although I’ve had a few with the family and while dh does what he can when he’s there, the kids do the bare bare minimum. The other day the dog went to the groomer and it was like a holiday but then I felt bad for thinking it because literally his whole life is just loving us/ me. If you decide to keep him, read Easy Peasy Puppy Squeezy- as much to remind you all the dog wants is love and make you fall in love with him as for training

Sorry for the loss of your father. Your husband's intentions were good but he made the classic error in adding a living animal who requires 12+years of love, time and patience, to the family without thought.
Please rehome the dog-they move on very quickly (I was a welfare rehoming officer for many years).

How often does this happen? All the time. Getting a pet should be a family decision, but it's the person at home the most who generally takes over the pet caring duties.
Sit your family down. Tell them you are not willing to continue and if they don't step up dog is being given away one month from today. Then do it.

Thank you for your replies. Disasters like last night rarely happen but I do feel tied while everyone else is free to do as they please. In honesty, I think I'm just knee deep in the trenches of grief and feel down about lots of things, not just the dog. I'm usually pretty good at keeping a lid on it but just struggling and lying awake at 3am probably isnt helping.

Easter holidays are almost here. Let's see how that goes with the kids at home. Thanks for your advice x

You have a come to Jesus conversation with your DH. He was ridiculous getting a dog and expecting the DCs to look after it. He should be the dog's primary owner as he got it.

We have a dog that I didn't particularly want, but DH wanted him so he does 80% of the walking and organising of vets visits etc.

Sounds like here nobody actually wants the poor dog.

Also I don't know what age the DCs are, but if you hope they might help more when older then remember they are likely to have after school commitments. DS17 has rugby training most evenings, matches on Saturdays and a blossoming social life, so whilst he might have good intentions to walk the dog, he rarely follows through.

Why wasn’t DH involved in cleaning up the mess?

Can you pass the dog lead to DH and say your turn?

Grief is a real challenge and your husband probably felt bringing young life would help you. In truth, you’re the dog’s carers. No one else will step in to do the necessary daily care.

dog rescues are inundated with dogs 8-18 months old when people realise the life time commitment needed. If your dog came from a reputable breeder, they will take it back. If not, there are breed specific charities who will foster, assess and get the dog ready for adoption.
dogs are needy, even the best , least complex or demanding of them. They’re expensive to keep, vets, boarding, food. Training groups. Don’t beat yourself up - do what’s right for you and the dog

How old are your kids?
I have dogs and my DC go through phases of beeing interested in the dogs.
They will play with them or teach some tricks.

However, they are teenagers and I can tell/ ask them to take the dogs out for a quick walk or feed them if necessary.
Cleaning up mess and long walks will always be an adults job im our house.

That's usually me, but DH will step in if necessary.

In your shoes, I'd weig up the joy v work you get from the dog. Then make a decision. Tell the family and stick to your guns!

I think @rookiemere makes a good point about who it is that wanted the dog. I wanted my dog, so I do most of the work associated with her. The walks, the feeding, the enrichment, the vets etc. She enriches my life so it doesn't bother me at all. Sometimes both adults in a relationship want a dog, in which case it's fair to expect the work to be more evenly split (if possible). Personally I don't think kids wants count. I don't make mine do dog tasks, getting a dog is a responsibility that only an adult can own imo. Instead I praise them when they play with her, say how nice it is to see etc. My teen does occasionally walk her, but only if a mate is around to join them. I don't rely on it.

It does seem in your situation that no one actually strongly wants the dog. Therefore no one is going to feel OK about doing it all. Rescue centers are in a crisis, but if you have a popular breed without any issues then it still might be snapped up. If the thought of rehoming the dog is unthinkable then maybe you need to accept being the one who does it all. BTW, your husband is very much in the wrong getting an animal and then showing no interest in it or willing to look after it, but you're probably better off rehoming the dog than expecting him to change.

Just to add, although he didn't particularly want a dog, my OH absolutely steps in when needed, eg if I'm unwell, busy with work, am away for the weekend, am out all day etc. It sounds like your husband is doing less than that? Definitely not fair considering he got the dog. I can see why you're down about the situation.

Tell husband he needs to be walking the dog every day. He's incredibly irresponsible to get one and then not be interested in looking after it, there's no way I'd be having that.

How is the dog smearing shit over the floor? Do you mean mud? Why are you washing dog and cleaning the floors? Why didn't you ask DH to clean the floors while you clean the dog?

Very few children care about looking after animals in the genuine sense of the word.

They may love cuddling the dog or stroking it, but that's pretty much where it ends. I think TV and social media doesn't help as it never shows the daily grind of pet ownership, only the fun, wholesome side of it

The reality is that dog ownership takes up a lot of time and is a big commitment. It's also the case that shelters and rescue centres are full to bursting because too many people get dogs that they can't or won't look after.

I don't say that to make you feel bad as it was your husband who got the dog, so ultimately it's his responsibility and he needs to buck up his ideas and do half of the work, even if that involves paying for a walker or daycare to take the load off you.

I'll be honest and say I couldn't look after our dog without DH doing his share. If something happened to him then I would be paying for outside help in a heartbeat.

It was silly to get a dog on the expectation that the children will help. They will say and promise everything under the sun where fluffy animals are involved and it is our jobs as parents to recognise it is very unlikely to ever happen and say no.

However, your husband is a very different matter. He made the decision to get the dog so he bloody well needs to step up and be a responsible owner and take some of this load off you. Tell him now, you expect him to do at least one of the walks a day and he is responsible for all doggy baths and vet visits.

It is relentless.

Can your DH pay for a dog walker/doggy day care once or twice a week?

A tired dog is a much better dog to have in the house and you will get some freedom back.

They're 12 and 15. We had discussed it as something for the future but I was so consumed by grief I think he thought I was going insane. It was just tricky timing.

Think he stepped in something and walked it through the kitchen and hallway. It was very rainy here last night so he was also very wet. These things happen I guess

12 and 15
and they never walk the dog?
fuck me

I mean, I don't think that's particularly strange. Most kids can't be bothered to walk the dog on a regular basis - that's why every single thread about buying one for a child is filled with comments saying "only get a dog if you want one as you'll end up doing all the work".

Dog walks are great in the summer with a dog who is obsessing and well trained, but walking a young adolescent dog in the middle of winter is a whole different kettle of fish.