Advance on toddler/puppy combo

[OK2023]

Please be kind. I am feeling very vulnerable after a long two weeks…

We’ve got a 10 week old golden retriever puppy, and a dd who is three in a couple of weeks.

Has anyone got any practical advice for how to handle a toddler and a puppy at the same time? Alone?

I feel that the puppy needs training basically constantly unless he’s asleep, but when the toddler and puppy are together it is impossible to do anything else except supervise them. Making training - or any other of life’s necessities - pretty difficult.

We are having to basically separate them a lot of the time. I will take my daughter upstairs and he will be with the dog downstairs. It works for now.

The issue I am trying to work out is, what do I do when I am with DD alone all day and have the pup too? At the moment DH is working downstairs and helping out with the dog, but it’s hard to see how he can keep that up and get any work done! We have a crate but I don’t want to dump him in there for practicality, it seems unfair on him.

We both work from home, I am part time, and we have a garden and access to plenty of outdoor space. I thought we had a good set up lol…

But I’d really appreciate any practical advice on how to keep the pup occupied while we’re working, and how to get our toddler understand how to play well with him!

Anyone who’s been there and done it would be really helpful to hear from

PS. We are in the lockdown phase where we’re not aloud to go out until his jabs - it feels like a lifetime

I know it’s not what you want to hear, OP. But I’d contact the breeder and ask if you can take him back. If you can’t cope now, you won’t cope over the next 2-8 months. Dogs need constant supervision as puppies as they eat/swallow everything. You can’t dump them in a crate to make your life easier - it’s cruel.

Goldens are lovely (mine is 15 months) But they are energetic. Needy. Unaware of their surroundings (aka knock over small children). Need lots of training. They mouth (a LOT) and don’t know how forceful their bite is (mine drew blood several times). My niece (6) was kept away from him other than v. Careful interactions for months because he was mouthy (and not even bad by breed standards tbh) and kept knocking people over.

Even after jabs it doesn’t get better - you can only exercise for 10-15 minutes twice a day or you risk seriously damaging its joints (dysplasia is a bit issue for the breed). Exercise isn’t a solution to energetic puppies. They need mental stimulation.

I’ve had dogs my entire adult life and I struggled to cope with mine- I WFH (flexibly) full time and have no children. You can’t WFH with a puppy and get work done. An adult yes, but not a puppy. I took a month’s leave when I got mine and worked really flexibly afterwards (I.e until gone midnight some nights to make up for not doing work during the day - which is fine if you work somewhere where that’s doable).

Someone might be along to offer some really good advice, but I honestly think if you can’t cope now then you should return him. There is no shame in it. Sorry, OP. I know it’s not what you went to hear but better to do it now than in six months

TBH I don’t think a responsible breeder should give someone with a toddler a puppy…this is on them more than you!

No decent breeder should have let you take a puppy while you had a toddler in the house. It's really, really not a good combination.

I hate to sound negative but will be hard - really hard - for at least a good year or two. Expect lots of tears. Expect toilet training to take a long time. Expect your toddler to hate the puppy because it bites her, scratches her, knocks her over and chews her toys. Expect accidents, tantrums (from puppy and toddler) and lots of sleepless nights. Expect weekends of being stuck at home because you can't leave the puppy or take them with you to toddler-friendly venues.

That being said, I think if you have realistic expectations then it is possible to raise a puppy and a toddler but really, it's not something I would want to do or put myself through. Puppies are hard enough without having a bouncy, energetic toddler to entertain as well.

You have had excellent, knowledgeable advice from Devilshands - take it. I am also surprised that any breeder worth their salt would sell a puppy to anyone in your situation - especially a Goldie as they are not easy as pups nor as teenagers.
Let him go back to the breeder who will find him an owner who can give him what he needs - this is not you at the moment and I do not mean this unkindly.

People do make it work but you’ll need to have one adult with DD and one with pup unless pup is asleep. They do need 24/7 supervision well into adolescence (9 months plus) and it’s tough. Nobody talks about how tough it is.

My DH WFH when our dog was a pup and he often caught up when I got home (his job allowed him to do this).

That really is the crux of it. Walks won’t change much tbh. There is no shame in returning to the breeder but equally you can do it if you make significant changes. You also need to adjust expectations. Your DD will get bitten and blood will be drawn more than likely. My 4 Kg puppy did some serious damage to my arms and hands.

It does come good in the end but it’s a hell of a ride to get there. I think people need to talk more about how vile and really unpleasant a lot of puppies are.

The breeder was insanely irresponsible to let you have a puppy, and so are you for getting one at this point in your lives. I despair, people think they should have exactly what they want, when they want it, and what’s right for the dog just doesn’t matter. Goldens aren’t for the faint hearted and you cannot give one what it needs now, let alone through its long adolescence and years to come.

It is do-able. We had a farm ratter type JRT puppy when the DC were 1, 3 and just at primary school. DH was out of the house at work so it was up to me, and we managed. I wouldn't say the end result was a particularly well-trained dog, but she was on a par with the average, and fantastic with children. And the DC have all grown into dog-lovers.

Puppies need a lot of sleep and DC need to learn to respect that, and to handle the puppy with kindness.

There is also no scientific support for the whole 5 minute rule thing with exercise.

Literally nobody talks about how hard it is. People don’t realise. Were just coming out of our first puppy phase (18 months) after many years of me teaching agility dogs, behaviour work and rescue dogs and my god it was hard. OH at this point wouldn’t do it again. We’ve still got lots to do on longer alone times, general training and lots of niggles but by and large it’s much better now. Do I regret it? No. Would I do it again? Not for a while! Granted my dog is a very sparky working terrier but the puppy bit is the same. It’s really hard and if we found it that way then goodness knows how people with young kids do it.

I have a 15 month old twins and a 2 year old golden retriever. She is fantastic with them. They need plenty of exercise. So after jabs are done make sure to get outside lots. Plenty of mental stimulation, toys , things to chew on and a stairgate. Keep them separate when you are not able to supervise. Our babies would be lost without their golden, she teaches them so much. It is do able just put in all the effort right at the start, training and boundaries. It'll be worth it. Our girl is amazing will do exactly what she is told and adores the twins too.

You had nearly a year to install good behaviour. You didn't have children whilst the worst teething phase was going on. Then you had babies - who could easily be kept away from the dog in their cribs.

I am assuming you were on MALT/didn't work either for the first few moths after your children were born? So again, very different to having a parent working full time and someone working part time.

Toddlers and a puppy are very different to a baby/babies and a puppy.

Sorry, but the situation is entirely different - you might as well compare apples and oranges.

You are getting some harsh realities spelt out here OP! The posters are not wrong but if you are absolutely committed to the hard work involved, it IS possible
Your instinct of keeping them separate is a good one. To manage, the pup will need to be really happily crate trained so you can keep them separated when you can’t heavily supervise - by that I mean pup on a lead/houseline and child being actively taught appropriate behaviour around a dog. Then it’s a case of rotation…..pup is out when it’s nap time for toddler, when toddler is occupied off the floor etc etc and when you can put the supervision in.
Walks,training sessions, mental stimulation will have to be factored in, plus the help of a good trainer. It’s going to be like another toddler in terms of commitment and time, but one who bites and scratches and doesn’t speak your language.
It’s one hell of an undertaking to get it right. I’m a dog trainer and I’m not sure even I would commit to this right at this age of child! It is doable but this is the reason most good breeders won’t home a puppy to a family with kids this young

Alllll the stairgates.

@Devilshands is right.

I saw the title and was like "dont do iiiiiiit"

I have a newborn a just 2 year old and a 7 year old dog.

My beloved lowish maintanance girl is stretching me to the limit.
Having a dog makes everything so so much harder, you have to factor them into everything.

You will REALLY have to commit the time if you want to keep the dog.

No reputable breeder would sell a puppy to someone with a toddler. There is a reason that people get turned down…

If you’re committed to making it work you need to crate train, need to set reasonable and easily followed boundaries for the toddler, need to make sure that there is never a second they are allowed unsupervised in the same room.

Puppies are very bitey, adolescent dogs are just arseholes and I think you need to have a serious think if this is going to be manageable.