Rehoming advice

[Myotherface]

I've rehomed a 6 year old cockador four days ago. This is our first dog so a bit anxious about making the transition as smooth as possible for her.

She has been an absolute superstar. She has gotten very attached to me and the youngest of my three children (ds8) and follows us around everywhere. Her tail is constantly wagging and when we come back in the house from playing in the garden or from walks She runs to the sofa and just wants cuddles and scratches. Today I had to lift her from my sons games as she was wrecking the game by lying on it and she ended up lying in my arms on her back like a baby when I was moving her. She looked so happy and relaxed I sat down holding her and stroking her like that for ages. She pressed herself as close to me as possible and fell asleep so I'm guessing she must feel fairly comfortable around us.

My main question is around work. There is normally always one adult in the house apart from five hours one morning a week. This week it would be on her sixth day with us when she wouldnt be with us. I have a lovely friend with a friendly dog who looks just like the dog our new pup lived with before. She hasn't met them yet though. Would it be way too early to take her to stay with them for 5 hours this week or should I take the morning off for the first couple of weeks and introduce them to each other slowly? I'm thinking it could be quite a shock to be left in a strange place when she's only just moved to ours and is probably anxious and confused.

Another smaller question is about smacking/lip licking. She seems to adore cuddles and being stroked and often comes to lie next to us or almost on top of us. Before I approached her to go and stroke her she looked really relaxed and was closing her eyes as I stroked her but kept licking her lips and making like a munching sound. I read it to be a sign of anxiety. I left her then and moved onto the other sofa and unlike most times when she would follow me onto the other sofa she this time just stayed by herself and fell asleep. I wonder whether my presence was somehow causing her anxiety? She seems to follow me around everywhere and gets excited to see me even if I've only been to the bathroom. Now I'm worrying I might not have been reading her cues right. She's very quiet and just so keen to please but I'm just not wanting her to be anxious and hate how mega submissive she is with us despite everyone being super calm and gentle with her.

Some advice that I hope helps:

1. She is a rescue. You need to remember that. It might all appear fine on the surface, but that does not mean that it is (lip smacking and approaching for cuddles isn't always a good thing).
2. Don't approach dogs for cuddles. Let them approach you. Even the friendliest dog will have occasions when they don't want to be bothered.
3. Don't pick up dogs on their back - it can cause serious damage and also freak them out. Dogs are also not children - do not be drawn into treating them like they are. TBH I don't advocate for picking dogs up randomly at all. Putting them in the car/lifting them out/putting them on vets tables etc all fine - just to remove them? No. You give them a treat and you lure them away.

And on this:

I have a lovely friend with a friendly dog who looks just like the dog our new pup lived with before. She hasn't met them yet though. Would it be way too early to take her to stay with them for 5 hours this week or should I take the morning off for the first couple of weeks and introduce them to each other slowly?

It looks like a dog your dog once lived with? That means nothing to dogs. Literally nothing. Five hours is way too long with a dog that your dog does not know. That is a recipe for disaster. Definitely do not do that. Introductions need to be done gradually.

You sound like you really want this to be a success, so I hope you do manage to make it work. But please remember a dog is a dog, not a baby.

Op you sound so lovely xx no advice but just wanted to say that!

I agree with PP don't leave her with a strange dog for five hours, she will be better off at home. Definitly introduce them though, on neutral ground like a park. My best advice would be to make sure she has been well exercised, fed and been to the loo before you go out, even if you have to get up earlier to do it; leave her lots of chew toys and remove soft furnishings (I speak from experience) I also put classic fm on the radio at low volume but that's probably to make me feel better not the dog. Ideally you would leave her for short periods at first, half hour, then build up slowly, but if you can't you just need to keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best. Oh and warn the neighbours in case she barks. Good luck OP let us know how you get on. I have had rescues that have never lived in a home before and at worse I've lost the odd cushion, throw, sock etc, though one did chew my grandsons tablet, so make sure everything is tidied away.

You have had some dog advice here OP, so I'll not add to it. I just wanted to say I hope you have a wonderful life together - and I so need to see a picture of a Cockador!

It's very, very early days and I certainly wouldn't be picking her up and carrying her about at the moment. If you need to move her away from something, then call her name and encourage her with a treat or toy instead.

I wouldn't be leaving her on her own for five hours or leaving her with a stranger and their dog yet - she needs to be with you at the moment, or with someone in your home that she's already familiar with.

Long-term it would be a good idea to get a dog walker to come in and check on her while you're out of the house, but you need to know that she's okay alone first - she may not be so be prepared for her to panic and become quite distressed. Of course she may be absolutely fine too, but always best to expect the worst with these things!

I rarely approach my dog to fuss him unless he's actively encouraging it with his body language - generally dogs (especially new rescue dogs) should be left alone while sleeping and relaxing.

@Devilshands thanks for the advice, you sound like you know much more about dogs than I do. I've loved dogs (and all animals, would have a rescue farm if hubby would let me) all my life but have realised I don't actually know much about living with them.

1. I've kept reminding myself of this. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages. She seems very happy a lot of the time but also sad and anxious at others, submissive and desperate to please us. My main aim is to just show her she's safe and can start trusting us and relaxing. Her previous home seemed very loving and kind although tiny for three medium-big dogs. They had to give her up due to a change in their living circumstances.

1. I'll know now to let her approach me for cuddles and will tell the kids to do the same. She does it a lot anyway.
2. And won't be picking her up anymore. My aim wasn't to hold her like a baby but to move her. She just ended up that way when she looked so happy and relaxed.

I think after reading your advice I'll take some annual leave for the next couple of weeks to allow her to get to know my friend and her dog to see if that would work and will work on leaving her alone for short periods first and then a bit longer. In her previous home she was locked in her crate when left alone and at bedtime. At ours she's allowed to sleep qhwrw she wants and chooses our bed next to us so hasn't gone in her crate once. Don't know what to think of the crate. I've heard it's meant to be a good safe space but it feels cruel to shut her in it.

@dreamygirl25 what a lovely thing to say. Thanks so much. I'm always thinking I'm doing the wrong thing with everything despite the best intentions so it's lovely to receive kind words like yours. X

@FamBae thanks for the advice. I'm going to use up some annual leave so I'll have a bit of time to try to get her used to being alone very gradually. Don't think I realised that I should have made sure life kind of paused for a few weeks to allow the new family member to settle properly. Must be terrifying and confusing for a dog to be taken to a new place, new family away from your family and home and not know what's going on at all. I wish I could somehow explain it to her.