New dog with 2 toddlers

[Ellovera2]

2 weeks ago we lost our 2 dogs in the most horrific, sudden circumstances. They were 6. I'm struggling with it so much and actually feel quite depressed. They were like therapy dogs to me, though I hadn't realised how much I relied on them to help when I'm struggling.
They were rescue spaniels/gun dogs. We got them before the children and now we have 2 kids, aged nearly 3 and 1.5. They were incredibly hard work due to being extremely fear reactive. We managed this with the support of vets and a behaviourist but they were absolutely nothing like having a 'normal dog" in that they couldn't go to the park, we had to be incredibly careful about where we walked them, couldn't walk them with the children or take them in the pub or whatever. I've had lots of dogs including rescues but these poor boys were just so damaged. Regular training led to huge improvements over the years (couldn't even get them to walk initially) but the anxiety and reactivity was always close to the surface. They were however a happy and safe in the life we provided them until a freak accident where we lost them both. Obviously extremely carefully managed around the children and we never had any issues there but of course I never trusted them (wouldn't trust any dog fully but these two were afraid of their own shadows).
The dog shaped hole is absolutely enormous and I've already found myself looking for another dog. Am I absolutely nuts to consider this with 2 little ones? Of course we are used to everything that comes with owning a dog. I've been considering a kc bred whippet or another breed that is 'low maintenance' (my mum has whippets so I have some experience of the breed). I WFH (part time) and am so lonely now.
My husband never had a dog before and has said to me never again but I don't think he understands that we could have a 'normal' dog that could come to the park with us, we could walk it at normal times and after the first couple of years wouldn't need to do vast amounts of training. It could come on holiday with us or even stay with my mum and her whippets if needed (absolutely no-one else could care for our 2 spaniels which has been extremely limiting, not that we go on holiday much or anything).
The breeder my mum uses keeps the pups until 12 weeks and hers arrived pretty much toilet trained and although excitable as puppies it was nothing like the horror puppy stories I read on here. She may have just been lucky of course.
I'm happy to wait a year or so for a litter but I feel so empty without a dog it's all I can think about. Am I crazy?

@RedRobyn2021 thanks so much, since your post we have decided to look into getting a ragdoll and it's given us something positive to think about which is great. Heading over to the litter tray now to find out more about them!

I was going to suggest a cat. Male Gingers are usually very affectionate.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your dogs. You must be devastated. x

@Ellovera2 Hey OP, I am in an almost identical situation except losing just the one reactive dog. I am wondering what you ended up doing and how it went?

We are thinking of getting an adult dog from a KC ethical breeder. We have met her and she is an absolute gem - quite literally faultless. I have never had a dog who isn't reactive so I don't really know how 'easy' a normal dog is so having a little panic about the decision.

Hi @Happitwist , we actually ended up getting a cat. It's absolutely not the same but it satisfied my longing and she's grown to be a real character.
I am actually very glad we didn't get another dog. Life is hectic, working full time with 2 under the age of 5. Lookin back, I have no idea how we fit in the twice daily walks and long weekend ones.
Maybe we'll get another one day, but nothing will mend the pain of losing my boys and I'm glad I didn't act on the impulse.
I'm so sorry that you've lost your dog. And just the whole experience of owning a reactive dog takes out of you.

Thankyou for your response. Sadly a cat isn't an option for us because we go away a lot to see family (dog always came). It's so tough to know what the right answer is.

@Happitwist My first dog was reactive. He was a great family dog, but didn't cope well in the outside world. Walks were stressful as we were constantly on the look out for other people and dogs.
I now have dogs that are happy and friendly. Good with other dogs and people. I can take them anywhere. Life is very different and walks are relaxing.
Can you take the dog for a walk to see how she is in public spaces? Why is she being rehomed? Has she been used for breeding and now they are getting rid of her? Or is she retiring from working/showing?

She is still with her breeder who are well respected. She was meant to be claimed as a puppy but the people who wanted her couldn't in the end after the breeder had looked after her for them for months. Then, after deciding whether to keep her or not, they decided to re-home. Never been bred from, will come with the full KC contract, genetic health testing and endorsements.

She has been tested in all situations for us and shown no reactivity. This Inc pubs, a festival, livestock, dogs, beaches. She was also impeccable with the kids when we met her.

Her breed (Eurasier) is one that was created as a family pet, so no working mentality etc:

On paper it's a no brainer but I must have reactive dog ptsd to have any doubts! Having said that if someone said we could have our reactive dog back again I would in a heartbeat. So maybe it's reactive dog Stockholm Syndrome 😅

@Happitwist I loved my reactive dog and I learnt so much about dogs and dog behaviour through having him. But I wouldn't want to go through it again. I have three dogs now, who are all friendly and get on well together. Life is so much easier/more relaxing with these three than with that one.
She sounds like a pretty perfect dog to me. ❤️

@SpanielsGalore thank you, it's helping me make the decision I think we really want to make. It's so nice to know that three easy dogs are simpler than one difficult one. All I keep thinking is 'what if, what if' and 'how would we manage her in this situation' but I guess that (hopefully) won't even happen!

I was at the beach the other day and I saw owners with reactive dogs looking so stressed, darting away from other dogs, short leads, those sighs when despite best efforts they barked their heads off anyway, all while trying to enjoy a family outing. Then because I wasn't one of them myself anymore I could actually sit back and see other dog owners relaxing, their dogs happily splashing or playing ball, climbing over rock pools, or one shepherd just chilling with the paddle boards. I suppose it is a different world!

@Happitwist I think if you are completely confident that this dog hasn't been used for breeding (I despise breeders who get rid of their dogs when they can no longer be bred from) and is happy and stable and lived a good life so far, I would go for it.

I also echo what Spaniels said.

I have four adult Goldies and manage fine (except the fur, but that's another story). DMum has a rescue cocker (fondly known as 'Satan') and, being honest, the first few years of DMum owning her were awful - she was aggressive around men (my dad had to sleep in the annex for months), around other dogs, around children, nervous, had severe SA etc. I struggled more walking Satan 1-2-1 than I have ever done walking my dogs. I was on edge the entire time, worried, stressed, darting about trying to keep people away from her...with mine, I can just let them go and it's so much more relaxing.

@Happitwist I remember that feeling. We could never take our dog to the beach, and I was so sad watching all the other dogs joining in the fun and thinking that should have been us.
My walks were/are like @LandSharksAnonymous describes. They used to be in isolated spots, with me always on edge. Now I can saunter through the woods, with them all running free around me. It really is a whole new world.
Good luck with your decision. And let us know when you collect her. 😁

Today is decision day and tomorrow is collect day. I have a few reservations so hoping someone can answer some?

What is it like having a none reactive dog in the house? Our boy was really sweet with family but he would get very anxious, pace, bark etc: relentlessly with guests (even those he knew for years) after having the kids, and no one but me could hold them as a baby or play with them in anything other than calmness as a toddler. This meant we just didn't have people over unless we could send him away for the day. It was miserable.

If you have a calm, friendly dog do they just go and relax somewhere after greetings? I can't get my head around an easy dog, I keep thinking of how tough it was at times with our boy. I don't want to miss out on a wonderful, bombproof family dog because I don't understand what having a normal dog is like 🤦‍♀️

Good morning @Happitwist , I'm tentatively excited for you but totally understand your concerns. I too have reactive dog 'PTSD'.
I was in my local pub last night and this absolutely gorgeous lab x Springer just lay on the floor by his owner's feet for an hour while he had a drink. He got up once and had a sniff about, I gave him a stroke, he lay back down. Lots of people coming in and out and he didn't bat an eyelid. I would love a dog like that. I asked the owner how he trained him and he said he didn't - bug that he went everywhere with them from a pup and that's it. I just can't comprehend it even though we've had previous family dogs like it.
My mum has a rescue whippet that's the same. Absolutely bomb proof dog but I think he was raised in a busy household in the UK so had a 'normal' life until his circumstances changed.

My reactive dog was an absolutely brilliant family dog, so we had no problems when it was just us. But he couldn't cope with visitors. If the children had friends over, they had to play upstairs and the dog was gated in the living room. If the visitors were downstairs, the dog went in his cage. It was his safe space, so he didn't mind. It did make me reluctant to have visitors though. I kind of resented them upsetting and stressing my dog.

I now have three spaniels. One will bark for a few seconds at the sound of the door bell. The other two stand there, excitedly wagging their tails. Once the visitor enters the house, they are all over them like a rash. Then they pretty much go back about their day. If the visitor sits down, at least one of the dogs will sit next to them/sprawl across their lap wanting a fuss. If we are standing up, the dogs settle near by. Or if we're in the garden, the dogs will potter around. I can have workmen in to do jobs for me with the only worry being the dogs pinching a screwdriver.
My 4 year old was an only dog for a while. We went into town once a week and she came into shops with me. She's been to cafes and pubs and settled under the table while we had a meal. She came to Bourton-on-the-Water with me and even went around Birdland. She coped with the hordes of people better than I did.
I've been away with the two cockers too. It's so relaxing being able to do 'touristy' things and not have to worry about who you will meet. We could do the popular walks, sit in the park and all eat ice cream. And relax.

I know we said it before, but having a 'normal' dog really is a totally different experience.

The only thing I will say is prepare for the dog to be a little stressed or anxious to begin with. I have rehomed two older dogs - one was 7 months old; the other was 9 years. Both had a touch of separation anxiety for the first few weeks and took a little while to settle in and relax. Which is perfectly understandable since their entire world had been tipped upside down. That might not be the case with this dog, but forewarned is forearmed and all that.
What does the rest of the family want to do? Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you at this time. Good luck.

@Happitwist Is it collection day today?

@SpanielsGalore it was but we decided not to go ahead. I was so, so close but we have decided to wait a year for the kids to grow up a bit and one going to school. I just couldn't shake the fear of things going wrong and, weirdly, I also started to feel guilty about inviting another dog into our late dog's home. Even though he was a pita I loved him so deeply.

She truly was an incredible dog and I am staying in touch with the breeder for her future litters when we are ready.

@Happitwist I am sure you have made the right decision for you and your family at this time. The perfect dog will be out there waiting for you when you are ready. 😊

I got a lurcher puppy when my youngest was about 9 months old. I also had a 3 yo and two older primary school age children. I don’t recall her being too difficult around the children, although she was a bit nippy when excitable for a few years and very food orientated.

If you are home most of the time and have the energy for a puppy along side toddlers it is manageable, provided you choose the right breed (calm, not too needy or wanting to work).

I got a spaniel puppy a few years after her and he was much harder work in some ways than the lurcher. She’s passed away now, last year, she was 15 and my youngest had never known life without her.

We still have the spaniel who is now 6 but I’d think carefully about getting another if he lives a full life span as I’ll be pushing 60.