Help! Demanding dog is wearing me out

[Doodledangle]

Apologies this could be a long one. I've had my rescue miniature poodle nearly 5 months and he's come on a huge amount and is a really lovely boy, but my god I'm exhausted physically and mentally. He is a complete velcro dog - I work from home & he has separation anxiety so can't be left alone at all so it's very full on. I can't even pop out to the shops & we can't go anywhere as a family without asking friends for a favour (which I don't like doing too often) and he is very demanding of my attention generally.

He's still only 14 months so high energy to be expected but I feel he's overstimulated and not sure how to break the cycle without him barking all the time (barks loudly for attention & we are probably too quick to respond as neighbours have complained in the past).

Today is fairly typical to give you an idea of how 'on the go' he is:
7/7:30am - up for toileting in the garden. Back to bed but never properly settled as he'll react to external noises, kids getting up & ready, us moving around the house following us etc.
9:30am - 45mins - 1 hr walk sometime shorter if doing long lead training.
10:30am Breakfast (won't eat any earlier). He's usually very hyper afterwards so I do 10/15 minutes of training (recall, sit, place, wait, front/middle etc) plus playtime (hide & seek, ball games, sniffy games, tug etc) for another 10-15 minutes in the hope he'll resettle and I can get some work done!
11:30-2/3pm sleep but will wake & bark if a car comes past or neighbour is outside, deliveries etc, trots around a bit then resettles.

2/3pm toilet in the garden, playtime and 5/10mins of departure training (for his SA anxiety). Will usually resettle with a kong or chew.
5pm 30-40mins walk and home for tea. Goes a bit crazy wanting to play or have attention so try and play whilst doing tea or kids will engage with him.
6/7pm often have to ferry kids around so he comes with me & one evening we have training class.
8-10:30/11 - sleeps on the sofa
10:30/11pm walk around the block then home for bed.

I did think doggy daycare 1 day or even just a walker once or twice a week might be the answer but struggling to find anyone who will take him as he's not been castrated or ready to be let off-lead yet.

I definitely feel like I'm going wrong somewhere but first time owner & feeling overwhelmed and wanting my old life back some days. (He's not going anywhere we love him dearly but need help!)

Does he not get off lead at all ? I think a lot of your issues would resolve if he got rid of some energy by being off lead and free to sniff, run, make his own choices (within reason of course). Do you have secure fields, stretches of beach or quiet woods nearby ? Do you have a safe, secure garden where he can potter bu himself every so often ?

I think you're doing too much and he needs to learn to settle. Even the separatin anxiety training could be too much - does it need to be every day ?

I sympathise as I have a high energy velcro dog who can't be left but ignoring her and letting her settle by herself without toys or chews was the quickest way to teach her that quiet is good, normal and everyday. The chews etc are used only when I need more from her.

Oh and doggy day care didn't tire her out, it just caused her to be wired to the moon.

Our garden is tiny and the only off lead field near us is also pretty small so unfortunately no not much proper running unless you count the long lead at the park a couple of times a week.
That said, if I'm walking with pal & their dog I will let him off as he sticks to them like glue but am nervous in case we meet other dogs and he's not reliable enough to come back to me yet (seriously unfood motivated which doesn't help the appeal of coming back! ) . Maybe I need to try and do more social dog walks.

He’s a working dog. What are you doing to use his brain? Sign him up for some classes - anything! They will both tire him out and give you ‘homework’ to do to help calm him at home.

Ball chasing is the worst for hyping up a dog. Stop that. He sounds like a pretty normal 14 month old working breed tbh.

Sounds much a like a normal young dog to me , as pp said he would benefit from being offlead and having a good run but aside from that sounds par for the course for a poodle . My dogs not food motivated and as a patterdale x not renowned for their recall but I tainted him using tennis balls - he’s only allowed balls on walks and I trained a very strong ‘down’ command so even if he wouldn’t come back he would stop where he was for me to collect .

Do your dc do any training with ddog? Age and breed of ddog dependant them being able to manage adult ddog out is massive help!! Your pooch is ideal size!

Interesting about the ball play & yes he is more motivated by that than food so can definitely incorporate into training and hold off at home (if you know the reason to stop in barking every time they go under the sofa!).

We go to a class once a week and use the exercises as part of his training and mental stimulation is usually incorporated into playtime - hiding toys, treat trails, enrichment mats etc

How to stop barking - don’t let him have balls in the house.

Ball chasing has zero benefit to the dog and only really does harm, physically and behaviourally as it’s so addictive.

Re. The SA he’s still really young and not mature enough for long periods alone yet but have a look at the Julie Naismith resources as there is a lot you can do to help encourage independence which will help with the need to be entertained too.

Have you tried training his recall to a whistle ? And using a favourite toy when he returns.

On a practical level, go to the neighbours and apologise but explain that you're going to take a week to try and break the barking but that it will likely be worse in that week. Then try and steel yourself to ignore his barking. Don't acknowledge, don't treat, don't make eye contact. He's not in pain or distress, he has just learned that barking gets him attention, even if it's negative.

Pull the couch out if need be so he can retrieve his balls himself - I know this game well - and seriously consider gun dog training as that would give him a purpose and tire him out. It should also teach him patience and self control.

It's awful when you're in the thick of it but he'll come good

I wonder if you're hyping him up a bit? He seems to get a lot of your time and attention, when you say he has separation anxiety and needs all the stimulation, what actually happens?

It seems like he's struggling a bit to just 'be.' We love our dog literally more than life itself, but we also have to remember that he's a dog, and has to be treated as one sometimes. Not a criticism at all though OP, I can very much tell that you're trying to get it right!

@TokyoSushi my husband would say I am not helping definitely. And he's probably right as are you I do pander to DDog - partly because he's cute, partly because the barking drives me/neighbours nuts (it's seriously loud and high pitched!) but also fear of causing distress that makes him worse.

We are following the Julie Naismith training program for separation anxiety but in 2 months have barely got to a minute and that's when he's fully settled and satiated. The first (probably only if I'm honest) time we left him the 45 minutes we were put he barked literally non stop and was a quivering mess when we got back in.

Barking, yes we need to address as literally any time he wants something he barks non-stop - bad enough at home but worse when we're out or at friends who have kindly let us bring the dog! . Good shout about chatting to the neighbours and trying to break the habit in a cold turkey fashion next week and checking when they're usually out and try and avoid circumstances of attention when they're home.

He sounds very overstimulated if he's only sleeping for 2-3 hours during the day and is awake and demanding your attention the rest of the time.

I would be focusing all my energies on teaching him how to settle and be calm in the house. He needs to be taught how to switch off and sleep - it's so important for a dogs' mental and physical well-being, especially when they're as anxious as yours is.

Don't try and fix the separation issues yet - if he can't even settle in the house with you next to him, he's not going to manage it when you're out.

I would also get rid of balls completely unless you're using them in some kind of scent game on walks and out of the house. My dog isn't allowed balls etc. in the house at all as they have zero benefits and lots of downsides.

Rescues are needy, demanding and very often turn out to be horribly high energy because they want to make the most of every minute they are alive. They are terrified of being abandoned again or being left. They are neurotic messes (very often) - particularly if they are a working breed.

Yours is 14 months old, you've had him five months, so he was nine months old (at best) when he was left.

How long had you had him when you left him for 45 minutes?

I have a rescue. I've had her for three years (she's six now). I didn't leave her alone until I'd had her at least 18 months and even then it was 10 minutes maximum.

I would also strongly advocate for not giving him a kong or a chew. Maybe a soft toy (no squeak). IME songs and chews are an ineffective way to teach a dog to relax - because they don't teach a dog to relax. They teach a dog that when they're calm and chilled that they can still be stimulated by food/the kong.

They are really not for the most part. My breeder pup has been far harder than my last rescue so far. I’ve trained many many rescues and dogs from breeders and they are all very individual.

poodles are known for being clingy but they can be trained to be left. It does take bags of time though and he’s very young still. We didn’t really bother starting any training until ours was well over a year. We bought her at 9 weeks. My last rescue it was well over a year before we left her. She never suffered any SA. It just took time and maturity. She was probably 2 or more.

Chewing is calming. Scientific fact. Why do you think dogs with SA can be destructive? They do it to find relief.

I assume you are talking about rescue dogs that have not spent at least a month of their life in a rescue centre.

OPs dog was born. Probably spent two months with mum. Then at nine months was dropped at a rescue centre. So, that's seven months outside a rescue (at best, but more likely six given rescues don't rehome instantly...) before it was shoved into a crate in some grotty rescue centre. That's base case scenario of only being in the rescue centre a month. That is never going to be a well balanced puppy that doesn't have severe SA.

I also said no kong or chew. But a soft toy - for relief. People usually fill kongs with food - which makes a dog more energetic (and OP has already said post food her dog is energetic). So a Kong is a terrible idea. Also, chewing is not always calming - it can overstimulate some dogs.

Finally, your nine week old poodle is not comparable to a 14 month old rescue that was dumped off at a rescue at 9 months (i.e. its most informative period). That's like comparing apples and chocolate.

Nope. Last dog spent ALL her critical socialisation period and the start of adolescence in rescue. Went on to win lots of ribbons in a couple of disciplines 😉 I’ve taught dogs from champions who have struggled to lead a normal life. Lots and lots of rescues compete in the highest levels in various sports. You can’t achieve that with a neurotic mess, as you put it.

Dogs are individuals. Train the one in front of you.

Could you research places to be off lead that are slightly further away for the weekends even? The beach? Some dog-walker-friendly woods? You could go the first few times with your friend who also has a dog.

Had you thought about agility. I found it suited my mini poodle far more than other training as she could see a point to it. They are clever dogs and like to think.. Agility encourages this. And it does tire them out which can help with separation anxiety. My poodle is 12 now and although we no longer do competitions she still loves the jumps and tunnels.

Ooops sorry forgot to come back to the thread.

DDog was more rehome than rescue so not had the trauma of abuse or even been in kennels. He wasn't trained/socialised as a puppy and has now been taken from 2 x homes (1 original unsuitable owner & 1 x foster) which probably explains the Sep Anxiety. The one time we left him for 45 minutes was early Jan and completely unintentional - it did however confirmed what we already knew and undoubtedly didn't help but what's done is done!

All that said, I'm confident with better knowledge on our part and with age & lots more training he'll be great and feeling much more upbeat about it now I have a plan.

• Gun dog training once current classes have ended.
• No more balls round the house & very limited use outdoors.
• The whole family (& lovely neighbours) know we are on a strict ignore all barking regime - wish me luck!
• Incorporating more settle/wait commands into training as agree this is a priority and will help his SA.
• Continue to follow Julie Naismith program for separation anxiety - VERY slow going but steady progress from couldn't open the door without a meltdown at Christmas to now be OK left for 1 minute.
• Find more off lead opportunities and try to meet up with other (well trained!) dogs more often for off lead time and learning manners.

Still not sure how to encourage him to fully relax and avoid being on high alert the whole time but really appreciate all the suggestions and advice and lots to learn for both of us!

@Doodledangle I know this gets recommended on here a lot, but I'd really recommend having a look at Dog Training Advice and Support on Facebook if you haven't already - they have loads of really good info on barking for attention and you can post your own questions etc (we used it for our rescue poodle cross)