Please can I talk about an eldery dog

[Ifnotnowthenwhens]

We have a 15 year old dog . The breed is the type that is person centred and has always wanted human company more than things like an intrest in other dogs.
the average life span is 12 to 15 but the breed can live until age 20 .

Over the last fee months
eyesight has deteriorated
quite deaf
sometimes likes short walks to sniff wee / poo - but likewise sometimes she does not look happy on a walk as she does not know were she is due to sight
she onky likes local v small walks never travels now in car at all
the last holiday was around her needs - place with a promanade we could push in pram - she will go in that sometimes still

she has beginnings of cognitive issues- she is able to ask to go outside in the day time but at night we put puppy pads down as she wees in the night now and sometimes poos or is sick

she sleeps most of the time
when awake - she follows me - looks for me - happiest when I sit next to her - she sleeps

sometimes sick if eats too much

most days lies on her back and wiggles - seems happy and enjoys her food ( tho demands treats a lot more now and ‘ shouts/ barks for treats. This is now v loud and persistent and relentless( v annoying for neighbours).This is her happy time - getting treats - wiggling - sometimes plays - when I pretend to chase her.

A couple of people have questioned her quality of life.

they have also said that they would not cope withthe daily overnight indoor toileting as would feel dirty .

sometimes she looks lost in the house- stares with tail down - when I touch her she starts and tail goes up and she is back in the room . She has good days and bad days with this . Some days she can get lost in the garden ( sight or confusion ?) bit mostly manages out of habit.
Have done the quality of life test at vets suggestion when we asked her. As she enjoys food , has sniff walks that are sometimes good ( 50/50 ?) and clearly still has the bond with us - it suggested that she still has some quality of life.

it feels really hard to judge this situation compared to a dog with a stroke for eg . i am afraid that we dont know how to judge this - as we see her daily we cant see decline for eg as clearly as it is gradual Etc .

I dont know if she is a happy old dog or one who is not enjoying her life .

I am starting to forget the dog she once was . i am loosing confidence and feel immense guilt for praying she will pass away peacefully as I feel i am loosing her as i knew her - but at the same time I want her to stay and hate myself for having these thoughts because I don't want her to go but we are struggling emotionally . We definitely signed up for this -its just it feels a struggle .- never had an old dog before . We dont know if its us just not handling it well . We swing from we love her so much we cant bear to let her go to do we pts to avoid further decline or -she may have years like this of some happy times when awake we sometimes think - and it would be so wrong to deny her that chance .
I am not experienced and need to get a grip .

I’m so sorry. Your dear dog sounds a lot like my old girl who I pts at 16yo. I would say she hasn’t long to go. You could pts any day from this point on with no guilt at all, knowing that you gave her a long and wonderful life, and saved her suffering at the end. I do understand why you are hesitating though - it’s a really hard decision to make. Don’t ask the vet - you know her best and you must decide. I would say if she enjoys a sniff in the garden, enjoys her food and settles comfortably in her bed to sleep I’d say that’s ok. If she’s fearful, agitated, pacing or can’t settle that’s not ok and it’s time. Sending you hugs x

Thank uou so much all of you - and for sharing the joy and pain of loving a dog .
ive been sitting with her all evening telling her she is a good dog … over and over Ive told her its ok to go if she needs to .

it has been so good to share these feelings of love and loss . Which is part of the love .

would say if she enjoys a sniff in the garden, enjoys her food and settles comfortably in her bed to sleep I’d say that’s ok. If she’s fearful, agitated, pacing or can’t settle that’s not ok and it’s time.

I would agree with this. It’s utterly heartbreaking the end of life stage and mental torture on whether you are doing the right thing or not but I do think @Helgathebrave is correct just take each day as it comes.

wish she could still sleep with us - feel sad she has to be alone at night now . She tries to get out of. Bedroom to wee and so she seems to on balance be better downstairs. She would wake us several times a night wanting to go at random times - she can wee 5 mjns after been - so we cant toilet her then be ol a few hours to enable her to be with us

If your dog is used to being with you at night I don’t understand why you have put her downstairs your post isn’t very clear?

Because she gets stressed as she wants to go out of the room to wee . She gets up many times in the night .
initially we had her in the bedroom with the door open - she gets confused on the stairs in the night even wirh all lights on .
when we put her downstairs she settles - despite sometimes trying to come with us at times- she does not settle anymore on the bed or nearby .
its a comprmise we have sadiy had to make as we need sleep to survive and drive safley etc - its not a choice we wanted to make - more had to .

I mean i simply cannot function having disturbed sleep from from one to maybe 4 times a night - i wd be ill and no good for one one inc my dog .

Helgathebrave thank you
yes she enjoys sniffs , food , belly rubs and sleeping. My worry is that she barks avidly for food - as if she cant recall being fed amd has abscences - she stares and her tail is down when this happens - then when i touch her she jumps and realises i am here amd tail goes up. This can happen lots in a day , but then not the next . She has some confusion on some days - then can be seemingly more alert.

Telling her she can go if she wants to - a natural death could be weeks away, and could be painful and distressing when it happens. Most dogs won't just pass away quietly in their sleep. You're going to have to make the decision. Yes it's awful to have to do it but that's your responsibility as a dog owner. You're never going to be ready, that's the problem i found.

If not now, then when it time to make the decision for my cat, i had to work out what was my line in the sand. For me it was when he started displaying signs of arthritic pain on the max dose of the only painkiller he would tolerate. He was never going to get any better and i let him go when he still had quality of life. Animals know nothing of tomorrow - all my cat knew was whether he was in pain right now. I could have kept him going for weeks or months and watched him decline because i wasnt ready, but he owed me nothing.

It was my responsibility to give him a good death after so many years of him being my loyal friend. I had the vet come to the house and he was pts dozing on his favourite chair in the sunshine with a belly full of his favourite food.

If you are forgetting the dog she was , you do need to make the decision. Many of us on here have had to do it, often more than once. It's the final thing we do for our beloved dogs. It tears you to pieces but you can't leave her like this.

I’ve been there so many times over the years & know how hard it is. It does sound like she’s getting a reasonable amount of happiness in her life still. The incontinence is a fact of an old dogs life, difficult but not impossible to cope with & , personally I wouldn’t count that as the final reason to make the decision. My latest little one that I lost last year, a once in a lifetime dog who I miss dreadfully even though I still have four that I love dearly, was very similar to what you have now. She still loved her food, loved cuddling & just being near me. She was deaf, almost blind, had a couple of health complaints that were managed by drugs ( bought online with the vet’s prescriptions) but pottered happily with the others & still loved to come everywhere with me in the car, she adored the car.
she trundled along like this for nearly a year, slowing but content. The thing that made me decide that the time had come when she really wasn’t coping & her life had finally become a burden was that she became very restless. She had arthritis which she’d coped with for years but then began to become agitated, she had a soft bed in the corner & she’d suddenly spend ages digging it up to make it comfy, whimpering all the time, even crying. She’d never done this before. She just couldn’t settle at all. She also stopped wanting her food, or any of the treats she used to love like cheese or beef. I knew then. And you will too. There really comes a time when you will just know, she is so close to you that you will, I promise. I wept all the time driving to the vets & there with her in my arms while the vet injected her. And then the strangest thing, a quiet peace , it just felt so right even though my heart was aching.
And it’s not true that dogs never go peacefully in their sleep. I’ve had dozens of dogs & some have died quietly in their sleep when old but they were ones who never had any obvious problems, just slowed down into a peaceful old age, one the week before she turned twenty.

I am the type of pet owner that does it before most . You have the choice and need to realise she is unlikely to go to sleep and not wake up quietly . Dogs often bleed out or die in fear . I wouldn't not want that .

Most vets agree it's often too late but hardly ever too soon.

15 is a great age for a dog

Dogs often bleed out?? Is that true?

Well I've known of two friends dogs who did because they left it too late and came down in the morning to a horrid situation . I think as humans we feel we are letting them down when in fact it's a gift we should all be allowed to give to humans or otherwise

I’m the same. I’m a firm advocate of “better a week too soon than a day too late”.

She’s deteriorating now, little by little, every day. Every day something gets that little bit harder for her, the absences get that little bit longer or the confusion is that little bit more overwhelming.

I’d be making plans now, and I wouldn’t be leaving it too much longer TBH. Maybe an early spring day with a bit of sun on her morning walk, and then a release from all the pain and forgetfulness and confusion with the person she loves alongside her.

It’s the worst and hardest part of having a pet. But they give us everything, and in return we have to give them this final act of dignity and courage before it’s too late.

Much love, OP.

And it’s not true that dogs never go peacefully in their sleep. I’ve had dozens of dogs & some have died quietly in their sleep when old but they were ones who never had any obvious problems, just slowed down into a peaceful old age, one the week before she turned twenty.

Nobody said they never die peacefully in their sleep. But to be honest, that's not a risk i would ever want to take with my own pet.

@ChanginRooms Only if there are heart issues I believe. Happened to friends Lab, it was a small amount. He was rushed to the vets and helped peacefully.

My little girl and I say little girl because honestly I loved her like she was. I lost her 6 years ago and i don't think I'll ever get over it , she went blind and her health deteriorated quickly over the space of 3 months I brought her to the vet and they pointed out she was actually having breathing problems as well they reckon she might of had a tumour or something bit I didn't want to put her through anything else it wasn't going to save her I prayed and prayed she would go in her sleep but she didn't , but she did let me know when she was ready . The day I was to bring her to the vet to cross rainbow bridge she repeatedly found her way out our back garden and under bushes blind and all and lay down I had to go carry her in a number of times. it's what they do I'm not sure why I think it's to hide from Predators while dying , but I knew she was ready and that I was doing the right thing. Unfortunately you're the only one who can judge what's best and what their quality of life is . I'm sorry you have to make that decision but do what's best for the dog so they are not suffering we owe them that we can't be selfish when it comes to that x

I was given this when going through the same thing....I feel your pain 💐