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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

How do you cope with doggy dementia?

23 replies

Defeatedbydementia · 03/02/2024 17:44

DD (14) has been on karsivan for 3 months now. I have seen no improvement and significant decline. I wasn’t expecting miracles, so I’m not disappointed, but I really don’t like who I am now with my once beloved dog.

The first thing to greet me every morning, regardless of how early I get up, or how late at night his last toilet visit is, is a piss and shit clean-up (on a good day, just of him and his nappy, but on a bad one, of him, his nappy and his bed as well). This continues at random intervals throughout the day, regardless of how often I take him out. Intellectually, I get that he’s no longer registering warning signals, but emotionally, I’m fuming. Then every afternoon/evening brings hours of pacing round and round the living room, even though on our ‘sniffy walks’ he can’t manage much more than 500 metres.

I really wish I was capable of giving back for all the years of faithful and joyful companionship, but it seems I’m not made that way. I just feel angry towards him (even though intellectually I know that none of this is his fault) and drained and depressed by the relentless soiling and pacing. I force myself to stroke him and be affectionate, but I’m not feeling it. I try to remember the years and years of happy memories, but they feel utterly overshadowed by the present and he feels like an alien to me.

Tell me, those of you with a dog with dementia, how do you cope?

OP posts:
EdithStourton · 03/02/2024 17:53

The thing is, is he happy? Probably not, if he is effectively incontinent, can no longer enjoy a walk and paces so much when at home. He must be terribly confused and often uncomfortable.

angel1977 · 03/02/2024 17:53

You put it down before it gets so bad. Where is the dogs dignity?
He cant be happy or content, do the right thing.

Bohemond23 · 03/02/2024 17:54

We PTS at the point it was obvious that our girl was anxious about her lack of control. She had always been a bit dim and dizzy and she went very quickly downhill when her older brother died. Thank goodness we can do this for pets.

lifeispainauchocolat · 03/02/2024 17:57

Please, please do right by your lovely boy and have him PTS.

itsmyp4rty · 03/02/2024 17:58

Once our girl was afraid to go outside (after previously loving to be out playing) and just generally anxious and miserable we had her put down. She quite quickly became a shadow of her former self and was no longer a dog I recognised. I think it's definitely time for you to say goodbye as well.

tsmainsqueeze · 03/02/2024 20:30

I am a vet nurse , i had a dog that had dementia and it was thoroughly miserable for her ,my other dog and my family having to live in this situation .
My dog was nowhere as severe as your dog but i know i kept her longer than i should have done, i held back because of my children's grief -i will never do this again.
From what you are describing your poor dog has reached the point where you need to put him to sleep , it's not about what we the owner wants but about giving something that has loved you unconditionally the peaceful dignified end he deserves.
Please re read what you have written , this is no life for your poor dog , get a vet tomorrow you owe it to him.

Princessfluffy · 03/02/2024 20:37

My friend had a full time carer for her dog with dementia but this was not in the UK.

WetBandits · 03/02/2024 20:39

I love my dog too much to ever let him live like that Sad I would have put him to sleep long before it got to this stage.

blackpanth · 03/02/2024 20:44

Do the right thing.

Yllasin · 03/02/2024 21:01

My dear boy got to 13 and a half, it started slowly but then he became scared of everything and could only be near me. Then he wouldn't go for a walk, sat shaking when I brought the lead to him, then toiletted on the carpet. He had never ever done that even when a puppy.
The vet reminded me that all a dog knows is now, this exact moment, and told me my boy was suffering most of the time.

He went to sleep with his nose in the treat bucket.

I still had horrible guilt, felt "I let them kill my dog". But I know the vet was right.

I'm sorry but there is no good news at this point. 😭

fleurneige · 03/02/2024 21:04

the best thing for any pet you share your life with, is to know when the time has come, and do the right thing. However hard it is for you.

DreadPirateRobots · 03/02/2024 21:05

You put the dog to sleep before it gets to that point. Because you love them.

Do the right thing.

keffie12 · 03/02/2024 22:02

You need to take your dog to the vets. The time has come. It's not fair on your dog or your family.

My hairdressers dog hadn't gotten incontinent. However, her dog turned nasty as he didn't know who they were. Dogs tend to deteriorate very quickly.

She got bitten very badly. She was in hospital with it. It was her last abiding memory of her beloved dog.

You know what we are saying is right. You need to come out of denial, sent with loving hugs 🫂

serin · 03/02/2024 22:20

I cried reading this. I'm in a very similar situation. Our beloved dog is also 14 and has spent all of today shivering and shaking with anxiety. He is also incontinent after being clean all his life. His decline has been very rapid since Christmas. We have been kidding ourselves that we think he'll settle down but today has been difficult to watch.
I know we are being selfish now.
Thinking of you OP and sending a hug.

Original poster
Defeatedbydementia · 04/02/2024 18:36

Gosh, I didn’t expect these replies. I thought I was a bad dog owner for ‘selfishly’ thinking about having him PTS because I’m finding it hard to cope with his dementia, but it turns out I’m a bad dog owner for not having done it already. Poor soul, just when I’ve almost made up my mind, he has a little run in the garden or a good day or two. But I realise you’re all right and it’s time to talk with the vet tomorrow, before he has no good days whatsoever.

@ Serin, I’m sad you’re going through this too, sending hugs.

And thank you to everyone for chiming in with the same very clear message.

OP posts:
keffie12 · 04/02/2024 21:18

@DefDefeatedbydementia Bless you
You're not a bad dog owner. It's really hard. Come back and have a tear or 10 with us if you need to. It won't be easy, but you know it's right. I wish you well

Original poster
Defeatedbydementia · 07/03/2024 20:40

Update:

So I had my talk with the vet, and she said “any day now, call me whenever”, and it took me another month and a seriously sad incident to make the decision... He went today, at home and peacefully.

Honestly, to all the posters saying “better a day early than a day to late”, this is NO help whatsoever when your dog has dementia but is physically OK-ish, because how do you know what the cut-off point is?

if this thread ever comes up on a search, I consciously set a personal boundary and contacted the vet immediately he crossed it, because I had also learnt that with dementia, what appears like a one-off quickly becomes an everyday occurrence.

Even so, I was doubting myself up to the end (typically, he had a “good” day before the vet came). It’s so hard.

OP posts:
Devilshands · 07/03/2024 20:50

Honestly, to all the posters saying “better a day early than a day to late”, this is NO help whatsoever when your dog has dementia but is physically OK-ish, because how do you know what the cut-off point is?

My first dog (as an adult) had dementia. Started off as gazing into space and walking into walls. It was his face the fifth morning in a row where he’d been incontinent over night. His eyes…it broke my heart. He just wasn’t him anymore.

I often think about him (four dogs later!) and wonder if I did it to soon. And sometimes I feel awful. I feel like I don’t deserve to have dogs again because he could still go on walks and was, often, happy. Then I remember what he was like at his peak…and what he was like when he got old (15) and then what he was like the last few weeks and I know I made the right decision. Because at the end he wasn’t always happy - and he deserved to be. Nothing I could do was going to make him happy every day going forwards and he deserved to be happy.

TBH I don’t think there’s a single person who PTS their dog and doesn’t regret it a bit and wonder if they did it to soon or if they could have done something to give their dog a bit longer in this life. It’s natural.

I am so sorry for your loss though! It’s horrible when they go.

Original poster
Defeatedbydementia · 07/03/2024 21:00

❤️

OP posts:
Lou670 · 07/03/2024 21:08

I am so sorry for your loss. My 18 year old dog is getting to this point now. She has dementia and is almost deaf and almost blind now. The incontinence is hit and miss with her, most days are not too bad but it is in the back of my mind that the decision will have to be made soon. It's so hard as we had our other dog PTS at the beginning of 2020.

You have done the right thing by your dog, no vet will put a dog down unless they deem it a necessity. Be kind to yourself and allow yourselves to grieve. x

BloodyAdultDC · 07/03/2024 21:38

angel1977 · 03/02/2024 17:53

You put it down before it gets so bad. Where is the dogs dignity?
He cant be happy or content, do the right thing.

Edited to wish you the best op, you made the right choice.

Yllasin · 08/03/2024 07:51

Defeatedbydementia · 07/03/2024 20:40

Update:

So I had my talk with the vet, and she said “any day now, call me whenever”, and it took me another month and a seriously sad incident to make the decision... He went today, at home and peacefully.

Honestly, to all the posters saying “better a day early than a day to late”, this is NO help whatsoever when your dog has dementia but is physically OK-ish, because how do you know what the cut-off point is?

if this thread ever comes up on a search, I consciously set a personal boundary and contacted the vet immediately he crossed it, because I had also learnt that with dementia, what appears like a one-off quickly becomes an everyday occurrence.

Even so, I was doubting myself up to the end (typically, he had a “good” day before the vet came). It’s so hard.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I still look back 4 and a half years on, and think "could I have kept him going longer"? Like yours, he was physically great and loved to run, but I was guided by the vet as I trusted his opinion.
At some point you will enjoy the happy memories although probably with a lump in your throat and tears welling. (Like me, right now)
♥️

mitogoshi · 08/03/2024 08:00

It's a tough decision op but I think we do just know when it's time. And for the record I wish we could make the same decision for humans too. I've been there with human relatives and it's so heartbreaking, I wish the powers that be would allow humane final decisions

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