Finding the right dog

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Finding the right dog seems impossible. Can anyone recommend me a low-shedding breed that is medium-sized (not bigger than about spaniel sized), good with children and not known for being particularly smelly (I had a Labrador growing up and he was a wonderful dog but good grief did he hum!).

I thought I’d settled on a Cockapoo (I know Mumsnet hates them so I expect to be flamed), but finding a decent breeder is impossible. Every larger outfit seems like a puppy farm and every home breeder could be seen as a backyard breeder!

So I’ve started to think that we might need to look for a proper breed, so we might have a better chance of finding a breeder who’s not just in it for the cash. Any breed recommendations welcome!

And yes, I know I should adopt from a rescue, but none will rehome to us as youngest child is 4.

For those who have recommended miniature poodles, do they like a cuddle (in general, of course every dog is going to be a bit different)?

DD has ASD (‘mild’ if there’s such a thing, no unpredictable outbursts or anything like that) and finds a lot of comfort in animals - we’d like a dog that would enjoy/tolerate a gentle cuddle!

The Kennel Club.

Many years ago when I decided to get another dog, and wasn't sure what I wanted I found the KC website to be very useful.

I just had a look now, and if you play around a bit - you can enter info that you would like i.e. long hair / short walks and things about yourself i.e. large house etc
A selection of breeds then will come up.

I was suggested about 5 breeds 15 years ago, I researched each breed and chose one. Then I looked for a breeder. I looked at the show results for that breed, and found the top 3 winners in each show and found that some names kept appearing. I then contacted some of the breeders and made enquiries i.e.
' I won't be showing my dog, are you willing to consider me as a potential buyer ?.'

One said no, one said I could go on the waiting list for future puppies, one said ' oh yes we have 2 that won't be suitable for showing ', one said ' oh I don't accept enquiries from mobile numbers ' he was the one I did get puppy from - after 2 telephone interviews, a visit with my existing dog ( which as he wasn't local involved us staying in a dog friendly b+b overnight ) and we went back x weeks later to collect puppy.

I made sure I wasn't buying from a puppy farm, ensured the puppy was bred and brought up in the home. I met the mother, and the siblings. Enquired in advance about any relevant health checks/tests. Also asked what happened to the bitches when he was finished breeding from them.

That puppy was my 4th dog, one other had been a pedigree from a breeder - very different kind of breed ! and the other 2 were rescues from small local rescues.

Since then I have rescues that came from puppy farms in the beginning and rescues that have been privately rehomed.

How about a spaniel or a poodle? My spaniel sheds very little if I comb him every few days. And in almost four decades of Labrador ownership, none have ever smelt strongly.

I'd also suggest a Lagotto or a bulldog (but you have to be careful about choosing the breeder).

A Kooikerhondje would tick almost all of your boxes, but I wouldn't recommend them around unpredictable young children, they don't like loud noises and are very sensitive.

Honestly, most dogs do not like being handled unnecessarily, especially by children. This is how most bite accidents happen, when small children grab at dogs. There is a reason why no rescue will agree to give you a dog, a 4 year old is simply too young to handle a dog, and you will not be able to supervise them all of the time. Some breeds tolerate it better than others, but they tend to be the bigger breeds. Even Corgis (who are known to be terribly clingy) will avoid little children.

I just have to add more to my previous message because I've seen too many dogs PTS or abandoned because the parents thought it would be a splendid idea to get their kid a puppy to bond and cuddle with: Young children do not know how to handle dogs. Young children are uncontrollable, boisterous and loud. Young children have tantrums and they hit dogs. You will not be able to watch your child every moment of every single day. You will end up locking the dog in the bathroom/ kitchen and causing a multitude of issues. It really doesn't take much for a placid, well socialized dog to snap because they’ve been pinched, or pulled too hard, or been "cuddled with" while asleep. And there is NO dog breed that this does not apply to. Also, puppies bite and need loads of time and attention. Get your kid a stuffed toy and wait at least 3 more years.

Fixed some typos

A lovely medium non smelly dog, Airedale!
Amazing dog, easy to train, ours is not prey driven.

Next door's Airedale is all of that but very aloof and doesn't interact much with the family, other dogs or anything really except breakfast.

I'll throw in Wheaten Terrier and Bichon into the mix.

@PuppySnores we have a cuddly one, and yes i love that he doesn't interact much with other dogs. rather nice when walking on a leash. he's respected and respectful when in off leash area's. ours has decent recall as well, much better when liver is involved ;)

You can’t have her, but this is the perfect dog. She’s a labradoodle. Mid size, doesn’t shed (much), smells beautiful (although I might be biased), is loving and playful, bright as a button, obedient, did I mention loving?

Obviously ours is the best one though and no others would compare.

@GelatinousDynamo thank you for your response. I do understand what you’re saying and will consider very carefully whether now is the right time for us to get a dog.

But it is clear that there are many families (some on here) who have dogs with fairly young children. I live in a very ‘doggy’ area where many families have a dog. Surely their children have managed to co-exist happily with dogs? My children are as dog-savvy as they can be for children who don’t have a dog, and they would certainly never pull/pinch/hit a dog (or any other animal). They know never to approach a dog without first asking its owner, never to assume a dog wants to be touched, and they would (with instruction) know not to approach a dog when it was in its safe space (bed, crate, wherever).

We are deliberately only considering breeds which, on the whole, like to be around people most of the time and are affectionate (when they want to be). Perhaps no such breed exists, but other posters’ comments and pictures on this and other threads seem to suggest otherwise.

I will absolutely think seriously on your comments, though. Please don’t think this is me dismissing your views.

@FailWhale I’ll definitely give it a read!

For those who mentioned Discover Dogs, thank you! I’ve suggested to DD that we go to Crufts this year and spend some time at Discover Dogs finding out more about some breeds. We’re only an hour’s drive from
the NEC so an easy trip for us!

I think @GelatinousDynamo is completely correct.

Any dog can turn aggressive or snap for any reason - and anyone who says otherwise is deluded. There’s a viral video atm of a golden retriever trying to rip the throat out of some frenchie - and goldens are considered to be one of the most child/dog friendly dogs going.

Young children and dogs don’t mix. Plus, quite frankly, I think you’d be insane and potentially naive to take on a dog when you have several young children - something will give eventually, and it’ll be the dog that suffers.

We waited until youngest child was six before getting a pup. And I’m soooo glad we did. Puppies are bitey little buggers who need watching every moment they are awake to ensure they don’t pee in the house!!
Crufts is a good idea. Discover Dogs is a great chance to ask people about their breed. Worth noting that different breeds will be in the ring on different days. So you’ll see many many more greyhounds on hound day for example!

Of course you can have a dog and children - you are past the toddler stage so it's reasonable to expect your kids to learn the rules about how to behave with dogs (sounds like they already know quite a lot). Even so, the puppy year will be challenging - no kid likes having their toys chewed. You'll definitely have your hands full.

Temperament wise, beagles are great - if well trained and socialised they are people dogs and very good with kids. But they might not suit you because of the off-lead thing - they can be trained for good recall, but it's not as easy as with other breeds and given the right temptation they may still bugger off.

We have a whippet. My criteria was similar to yours, and it really mattered to me that we did not have a smelly dog.
Plus points for a whippet:
Not smelly
Very snuggly and affectionate
sweet with children
1hr to 1 1/2 hour walk per day and knackered for the rest of the day
If necessary can do a walking holiday
Medium/smallish size and curls up small like a cat
Doesn't like getting wet or dirty so don't need to wash after every walk
Zero grooming required.

Minus points:
Big prey drive. Whippets won't go down holes but will chase and kill prey. Ours lived with a cat and is good but would definitely go for other cats
They're not super easy to train and I've been a bit crap at training her
Very food motivated which is good for recall and training but not great wrt stealing croissants from children in the park.
Would be terrible guard dog.

It’s not just trusting/teaching children to behave with dogs in general.

The big issues are - are they going to cope with a bitey puppy? Mouthing puppies hurt and they often make a beeline for children because they’re more exciting.

and... are they mature enough to be left alone while you’re housetraining?, you end up rushing outside then hanging about out there for sometimes long periods of time.

It's definitely not intended as a personal attack on you or your family, and I'm really glad you'll at least think it through. People tend to get overwhelmed when there are young children and puppies involved. Puppies are cute, because otherwise no one would have them. You can switch "children" for "puppies" in my previous post and read it again. Puppies are like destructive tornados and the first year is a rollercoaster, you need to realistically plan 4-5 hours a day for the puppy alone (spread throughout the day, but they don't nap in a corner while you work the way a grown up dog would). So really, truly consider if you are prepared to manage a 4yo (and probably other children at the same time) and a puppy and put in the work and time required. If your honest answer is yes, then I guess you should go for it. But am right in thinking that you've never had a dog you yourself raised from a puppy, just a "family dog"?

Miniature poodle

I have a cockapoo. He's mental and high energy and also the most loving kind dog.
He's good with my cats and great with kids, doesn't smell or shed. I love the breed.

Wheaten terrier - no shedding at all ( house full of allergies/ very fussy husband). A truly wonderful family dog.
Beagles are lovely but do shed and are a little smelly ( quite oily scalp apparently). Also are tireless in their efforts to escape.

Bichon frise

Show cocker spaniel (ignore pictures of the actual show coat, you can groom / clip them how you want).

In the evening our miniature poodle shares her cuddling time out equally between us. It’s one of the things I love about her so much, she really loves a cuddle.

I would say mini poodle as well.

When it comes to 'cuddly' I'd say it can vary wildly between individual dogs.

Some love laps, some prefer to hang out with you on the sofa.

I have autism & our spitz is so good for my sensory issues, she lies on my lap & is a warm weight I find incredibly soothing & stroking her fur helps me focus.

Except that one time she'd rolled in pigeon droppings, jumped on my lap & I ran my hands through its moist clumpiness, that caused all kinds of sensory hell.

I have just got a toy poodle and she is brilliant with my suspected asd son. She is almost 3 and I call her a velcro dog as she is always cuddling someone. She can be left okay. She does chase birds but in our case u think its as she lived in a flat before living with us, my sisters miniature does not chase anything and is equally as cuddly. I am not allergic to her (I am with some others including my friends jackapoo) and she is so friendly with other dogs. They will need to go to a groomers once every 6 weeks but grooming daily will help you bond too. They are very intelligent and quick to learn. I am definitely a poodle fan (previous great dane owner!)