Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Having a dog put down due to aggression - help please

27 replies

friendlyfired23 · 15/12/2023 10:36

I am posting here in the hope of some support or words of advice.
Today I have a vet appointment booked to euthanise my dog. This follows us exhausted all other avenues for help. He was adopted from a rescue centre 7 years ago (he is 8 now). He has always presented with fear based aggression but I could manage this, most of the time. We hired a behaviourist, did dog training classes and utilised the support from the rescue centre. He was always nervous around humans and larger dogs, and could escalate with little to no warning signs and bite. As I say, this was manageable as I knew him and his triggers, so did what I could to keep him feeling safe in the environment - eg few visitors, his own designated space, clear boundaries, lots of love and attention.

Unfortunately, over the last 18 months he has turned on me. He has always aligned himself with one primary attachment figure and this would either be me or my partner. Over the last 18 months he seems to have developed the idea that I am the enemy. He guards my partner and I am at risk of attack if I approach. He is small so usually goes for my feet or legs. I have had multiple bites now, small but drawing blood. Our management strategy at present is to keep him or me separate - which obviously isn’t ideal. I think his change towards me happened due to my pregnancy and he has since acted as if I was a different person.

Furthermore, after thinking that we could not conceive we have now had our miracle baby. Please, no judgement here as I know people have views that what we are doing is selfish. Clearly the risks our dog presents with mean we can’t take our eyes off him for a second with our baby around. We keep them separate to keep our dog calm and our baby safe. I feel that our dog's quality of life simply isn't good anymore.

Over the last 6 months I have contacted 20+ rescue centres to discuss rehoming. The rescue centre we adopted him from said that he could not be rehomed safely and this may cause him even more stress. They said there did not seem to be any variable that could be changed to improve his well-being and behaviour. As such, they advised euthanasia.

I have never been in this position before and it is horrible to think about putting down a beautiful, physically healthy dog. He has always presented with emotional problems and fear based aggression but his recent escalation is simply not manageable anymore and I don’t know what to do.

As I said, we have the vet appointment booked for today but I am not sure if I can go through with it.

Please, can anybody provide any words of support or guidance?

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Blahblah34 · 15/12/2023 10:40

You have given him 7 years of a good life. It’s ok to let him go. You can’t have an aggressive dog in a home with a baby and, as the rescue said, rehominh will be stressful for him. You are doing the right thing by him. Forgive yourself.
(I have a fear aggressive dog who I currently manage but I know I will in all likelihood end up where you are one day)

tenbob · 15/12/2023 10:40

Oh OP, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how hard this must be.

But you have done EVERYTHING possible for this dog. Sadly they can’t all be saved, and whatever happened to him before he ended up in the rescue has clearly caused more damage than can be fixed.

He isn’t happy, you aren’t happy and he will know he is in a stressful environment

A calm humane end isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a dog. Living under constant stress is arguably a worse state to be in.

It’s normal to feel sad but you shouldn’t feel guilty when you’ve done so so much to try and help him.

💐💐

MiddleagedBeachbum · 15/12/2023 10:41

I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry and it sounds like you’ve done everything you can.
For your dog to have turned on you and now attacking you for no reason must be so hard and isn’t a normal behaviour.
Unfortunately you have to put adult life’s and safety before that of a dog and I think you’re doing the right thing.

AmongstTheCosmos · 15/12/2023 10:45

My heart goes out to you. It sounds as though you've given him a lovely home and done the best you can for him. I think you're making the right choice.

HappyHamsters · 15/12/2023 10:48

That's a sad and brave decision, the vet and the rescue centre have supported you.personally I would not want a dog around me and my baby where its unsafe, it's really not worth the risk. He has had 7 years of love with you, you did everything you could, a lot of people would have rehomed or given up on him years ago. Don't overthink it, you are doing the right thing imo, hugs and congratulations on your new baby.

pickledandpuzzled · 15/12/2023 10:51

You’ve given him 7 stable years he wouldn’t otherwise have had. It’s time.

You will grieve and have regrets.

It will be too quiet.

It will still have been the right choice for him.

cerisepanther73 · 15/12/2023 10:57

@friendlyfired23

Be proud of yourselfs for giving your dog such a good home when others would have giving up on him and wanting to rehome him straight way,

You didn't, you perserveed despite the odds being stacked up against you in a lot of respects in that regards,

it's stressful and difficult for your dog to understand change even though they can acutely sense this,

Don't feel so guilty as it will be a humanely peaceful passing like falling into deep slumber for your dog,

Rember the good times you have had with your dog.

SoundTheSirens · 15/12/2023 11:00

He may be physically healthy but to be constantly on alert, escalating so quickly to biting, hardly able to trust another living soul, is the sign of a mentally unwell, stressed and unhappy dog. You've given him as much stability as he was capable of receiving, and now you're going to give him peace from his stress and mental trauma.

Be kind to yourself and focus on the positive memories.

MrsVeryTired · 15/12/2023 11:04

So sorry you are in this situation but you are definitely doing the right thing. I have a reactive rescue dog who bites occasionally when scared and I would do the same if I had young children. We manage him in the way you have done but it just wouldn't be possible with children.

There are lots of non-aggressive dogs in rescue centres needing rehomed so extremely difficult for any who are aggressive.

Giggorata · 15/12/2023 11:08

Part of being a responsible dog owner is knowing when to let them go, for whatever reason.
We have done this sad task numerous times over the years, usually through age and infirmity but also including a large reactive, fairly insane but much loved dog.
(We give them a really nice last day, with long walks and forbidden treats, like ice cream.)
They have great lives and some good years with us, and this is what we remember of them.

SheerLucks · 15/12/2023 11:09

A calm humane end isn't the worst thing that can happen to a dog.

This.

I'm so sorry OP but you've done your best over seven years.

I would just try, if you can, to hide your sadness when you take him today, and just try and be very calm and affectionate, so he thinks he's just going to go to sleep in safe hands.

Elfoutthewindow · 15/12/2023 11:15

I'm so sorry this is happening for you. You are brave, and doing the right thing for the dog, and your family.

CornishPorsche · 15/12/2023 11:15

You're doing the right thing. He's permanently stressed and not coping with day to day life. That's no ones fault, it's just the way things have panned out fit him. You never knotlw how badly his brain was damaged before he came to you, but it's clear he's not the healthy or happy dog you would love him to be and that's OK.

As a PP says, a calm dignified end is not the worst outcome here by a long stretch, and that's OK too.

It doesn't make it easier I know and you'll be sad and it'll break your heart but ultimately he's not safe to be around people and it's time to say goodbye.

Much love to you - we had to put our girl to sleep in March and it's so hard even when it's the right thing for them and you.

Sleeplessinseattle234 · 15/12/2023 11:27

I had an aggressive dog that I did everything for. I name it I did it. And in the end I didn’t know what to do. The vets said to put to sleep. But I found a springer rescue that would take him and work with him with a behavioural trainer to give him one last chance. I cried the day he left. But I knew if I hadn’t of given him up he would have been put to sleep. U have done the best anyone could. And I’m sorry it has happened to u

Original poster

friendlyfired23 · 15/12/2023 11:35

Wow... Thank you all so, so much. You have no idea how much this means. Just to feel that I'm not alone in this or making some sort of evil decision. It's so very hard :-( thank you for the hand holding.

OP posts:

WinterDeWinter · 15/12/2023 11:36

SoundTheSirens · 15/12/2023 11:00

Be kind to yourself and focus on the positive memories.

I agree with this - it sounds as though the dog is in a state of near constant emotional/psychological distress. It's no life, OP - this will be a release for him. As @SoundTheSirens says you have given him as much relief as he was able to receive and now it's time to let him go.

I feel for you very much, and admire your constancy.

EdithStourton · 15/12/2023 11:38

It's awful OP, but you have done your absolute best. As PP have said, this is a stressed and therefore probably unhappy dog.

A friend of mine recently went through something similar: she had managed her dog for years and thought she knew what would set him off. One day he bit her entirely out of the blue, and at that point she made the decision. She felt terrible at first but has come to terms with it, as rational thought has gradually replaced the initial emotion.

flapjackfairy · 15/12/2023 11:45

I am so sorry. How v sad for you but just think how you will feel if the dog attacks your child as you won't be able to keep them apart forever. You really have no.other options and are doing the right thing though it must be so hard.

Trikey · 15/12/2023 11:47

OP, I have had to do this recently. It is utterly heart-breaking and I am still distraught about my dog. Please no hate on here, it is a devastating situation. There is a Facebook group called Losing Lulu for people who have had to make this decision which I have found helpful. Best wishes to you xx

Sprinzy · 15/12/2023 11:51

It’s the right decision OP, as others have said you’ve done absolutely all you could. Very difficult for you, you’re bound to miss him, warts and all, but you’re doing the right thing for all the right reasons

Newpeep · 15/12/2023 12:17

I'm sorry it must be so hard.

Our last dog sounded similar but hers did not escalate and we had no children in the mix. It was manageable and we did so for over 16 years. She was very lucky and I know our vet in the many years of treating her often commented on the fact dogs like her do not often make old age (he saw her at her worst). Her situation was not the norm and I know how hard it is to live with a bite risk and how you have to manipulate their environment.

Thinking of you with absolutely no judgement.

WilburVonTrap · 15/12/2023 12:40

I've had to do this, and cried for all day and night before hand. I thought I would feel guilty after, what I felt was a certainty that I had made the right decision.

Any other decision would have been for my own benefit not hers. She would have hated living in a rescue, if I could have found one to take her. None would, and re-homing was putting someone else at risk.

Much love to you all. Make sure your husband is there at the end.

Shirley089 · 15/12/2023 13:48

This sounds like it's the best option for your dog. Unfortunately homes just don't exist for dogs with these issues, you'll put up with far more than most people would due to your bond with your dog, a new owner is likely to give up as they don't have this relationship.

Also, as someone who's worked in rescue, there's nothing worse than building a bond with these nervous dogs just to watch them go downhill in kennels and eventually pts anyway. There are much worse things than them passing with their owners with them. The Facebook group Loosing Lulu is a brilliant support for people who have had to pts for behavioural reasons.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 15/12/2023 14:51

Behavioural euthanasia is often a very kind option. Dogs like that will be so stressed a lot, if not all of the time.
There aren’t queues of people willing to take on dogs with a bite history, let a long an incredibly extensive bite history, and rescue environments are hugely stressful for dogs.

It’s the kindest thing to do.

Balloonhearts · 15/12/2023 16:11

Imagine his life if you don't. He'll have to be segregated from the baby and realistically this means from you too. Being shut away for most of the day and night, little time or attention for him will make him sad and confused. Or he will have to be rehomed which realistically is impossible and he will live a sad few months in kennels before being put down anyway. Either way it's no life.

This way he will never know rejection or loneliness. He will have you with him and from his perspective just fall asleep with you holding him. Its the kindest thing we can do for them sometimes but God does it hurt.

I cried my heart out putting my little hamster down. I just kept thinking I promised to look after her and no one would ever hurt her and now I'm paying to have someone take her away and kill her. But she was suffering and it was best for her. We have to do what's best for them.

Flip

1 2