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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

DH dog, AIBU?

49 replies

cheesehulahoop · 27/11/2023 14:40

Hello!

I'm feeling slightly guilty, and wondering if i was OTT in a 'discussion' with DH yesterday. DH is wonderful, in every regard, however I feel he is letting down his dog.

DH got a French Bulldog puppy, just before we met.
I have never owned, or wished to own a dog. However,as pooch was there before me, I learned to live with him, especially as I moved into DH's flat initially.

Some context (I'll try to keep this as short as possible!) - In this flat, pooch had 24/7 access to pee/poop on the entire balcony. Balcony ended up stinking bad. Stink would come into flat. It was also freezing as balcony door was open in winter. Dh worked in office 3 days per week and this was his solution. He also had constant food topped up in his bowl for access anytime he wanted. He was allowed on bed,furniture etc.

I rightly or wrongly took it upon myself to try and give him a feeding routine, and in turn a pee/poop routine so the balcony door could be closed. This led to accidents inside as DH wasn't consistent and let the routine drop. Pooch would poo and pee inside, on rug, on floor, despite puppy training pads there too. I let it drop as I was frustrated, as it wasn't my dog anyway, and wasn't going to keep trying for Dh not to stick to it. In the end the balcony door remained open, and I just rarely went in the living area as it stunk really badly. We had many discussions about this.

Fast forward to now. We moved into a lovely new home.

Pooch now has a den/gated area in the garage for night time. It has a crate,bed,blankets,toys, water etc, as he can't be trusted to not pee and poop at night time. I refuse to have daily accidents in our brand new kitchen when guests gather.

However, I feel that pooch should be trainable? This shouldn't have to be the solution. I feel DH at least needs to get a grip, and get him into a proper routine, so while accidents may happen, they aren't daily, and pooch can sleep inside the utility room or kitchen.

Dh has always agreed to take responsibility for him, as it's his dog, his decision. However I feel he is letting him down in many ways, and I told him yesterday.

I told him he needs to take better care of his dog, he needs to take it for regular walks (he didnt get a walk for 5 days straight, DH said it was too cold when i asked,but this happens often), he needs to take it to the vet (ear infection...), he needs surgery as he can't breath (snores 24/7,has BOAS, gives me bad headaches), he needs to be trained, and needs consistency with feeding and walking for his poops.

I want pooch to have a nice comfortable life. I don't think it should be down to me, when i didnt agree to get this dog, I want DH to step up and be consistent. AIBU?

OP posts:
FaryNuff · 27/11/2023 14:44

Poor dog. It must be freezing in the garage in winter, there’s not must comfort basically living in a garage. The dog would be better off being rehomed where it would be better cared for tbh.

PorridgeWithSaltOrSugar · 27/11/2023 14:46

Jesus, that poor dog has been neglected all it's life. Please re-home it so it at least has a chance at a happy normal life.

thistimelastweek · 27/11/2023 14:50

Sorry but the dog's needs aren't being met.
He's neglected and your partner needs to find a proper solution.

Waitingfordoggo · 27/11/2023 14:51

YANBU OP.

For me, the choice of breed is a red flag to begin with (unless rescued) even before you get on to the other stuff. Deliberately choosing a breed which is known to have health problems as a result of overbreeding doesn’t suggest ‘dog lover’ to me.

Not walking it for 5 days is terrible. I know Frenchies probably don’t need long, energetic walks, but they presumably still like to go outside, explore different areas, do all the sniffing….

I think it should be rehomed but presume your DH will be horrified at the suggestion.

I don’t know what the answer is but it would put me off my partner if they treated their dog like this.

Hatty65 · 27/11/2023 14:55

This is horrific. He should never have got a dog. I can't believe he's failed to house train it - that is the absolute basic requirements to own a dog imo.

He needs to rehome it.

Whiskeypowers · 27/11/2023 14:55

Your partner is a shit irresponsible neglectful dog owner.
you are right int hat the dog needs routine and stability etc. you are awful to make it sleep in a garage that’s cruel.

the dog should be rehomed the poor creature

FuckingHellAdele · 27/11/2023 14:58

Yeah animal neglect would be a deal breaker for me.

FictionalCharacter · 27/11/2023 15:02

I couldn’t be married to someone who neglects a dog like that, but if you are staying with him, insist that he rehomes the poor dog to a responsible owner.

HarrietStyles · 27/11/2023 15:03

This is 100% animal cruelty and neglect. Either he commits to training, caring for and walking the dog every day……. Or it needs to be rehomed.
And do not have children with this selfish man.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/11/2023 15:07

I'll be very honest. I can't even believe that you chose to marry this man.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 27/11/2023 15:10

Maybe rehome dh and train the ddog yourself?

margotrose · 27/11/2023 15:13

You are both neglecting this dog.

Please re-home it somewhere else.

Quitelikeit · 27/11/2023 15:13

The garage!!! Are you joking?

That poor dog. It’s bloody zero degrees in our garage at the minute.

How can you justify leaving a dog in freezing cold conditions?

Isheabastard · 27/11/2023 15:19

I agree your DH is a terrible owner.

You admit you are not a dog lover, but even you can see he has been very neglectful of his dog. You don’t say how old the dog is now. He needs exercise and warmth for his joint mobility.

The poor dog needs toilet training, regular walks, (a dog coat if it cold), somewhere warm to sleep at night, basic vet visits and certainly if there’s a health problem, and company as they are pack animals.

I agree that even the choice of dog with the well known breathing problem is a red flag.

Are there any dog lovers in the family who would/could have a strong word with him? I’d start buying your DH dog training books and throwing them at him.

Is there anybody you know or could find who could be paid to train the dog if your lazy DH won’t do it.

At the end of the day, you only have a few choices if you can’t make him be a responsible dog owner. Do it yourself, or re home the dog.

Or report him to RSPCA yourself, or hope that someone else does it. Perhaps talk to the breed rescue charity for advice.

Poor dog.

ginasevern · 27/11/2023 15:21

OP, in the nicest possible way your DH sounds like a cunt. He bought a breed which is known to have problems without any research. He must also have been aware that his work schedule did not allow him to properly look after any animal. How selfish, irresponsible, shallow and fucking cruel is that. He has also been happy to live with excrement all over the balcony, so he is a filthy pig too. I commend you for your concern, especially as you are not particularly a dog lover, but this situation needs sorting fast. The dog cannot be left with an ear infection, the suffering will be unthinkable! He cannot be left to freeze and be lonely in the garage either. The whole thing is horrific. I suggest the dog is either rehomed or you take charge of the situation as you sound caring and competent. By the way, what do you see in this awful, selfish, cruel man? I personally wouldn't want to be anywhere near him.

itsmyp4rty · 27/11/2023 15:23

It was too cold to take it out for a walk during the day but it's fine to dump it in the garage over night? It has an ear infection but he can't be bothered to take it to the vet?
He's not wonderful in any regard, please don't have a baby with him if this is how horrifically irresponsible he is. Please rehome the dog, this is just neglect and cruelty.

Quitelikeit · 27/11/2023 15:25

@itsmyp4rty

exactly it’s crazy! The op can hardly cover herself in glory as by the sounds of it she is the one who has dumped it in the garage

FaryNuff · 27/11/2023 15:45

Pooch now has a den/gated area in the garage for night time. It has a crate,bed,blankets,toys, water etc, as he can't be trusted to not pee and poop at night time. I refuse to have daily accidents in our brand new kitchen when guests gather.. So you shove the dog in the garage in freezing temperatures and ignore the problem? Shame on you OP for treating an animal like this whether you like it or not.

DH said it was too cold when i asked,but this happens often), he needs to take it to the vet (ear infection...), he needs surgery as he can't breath (snores 24/7,has BOAS, gives me bad headaches), he needs to be trained, and needs consistency with feeding and walking for his poops.. Your DH should be ashamed of himself not getting veterinary care for a dog who not only is living in a garage but also has an ear infection. This is neglect.

Be a responsible person and rehome this poor dog as I said earlier, at least give it a chance of a loving home.

Original poster
cheesehulahoop · 27/11/2023 15:49

Thank you for the replies.

I am not covering myself in glory, or acting high and mighty about this poor situation. I want to find a solution.

With regards to the vets - pooch has been to the vets about his ear twice already, meds not worked. Need to go again, potentially might need surgery, not an issue, but DH just hasnt taken him. he needs it sorting ASAP and I keep telling him. I was also hoping the vet would also tell him off for not going sooner.

The breed - yes I completely agree 100%. Dh said he got one as they're 'good for flats'(!). All brachycephalic breeds are awful choices. I feel sad for them, but pooch is here now and we are in the situation we are in.

Garage - yes, not a longterm solution for him to sleep in there (with heater), DH said he would get him into poop routine at night, then he would move into the kitchen/utility. Not happened.

We could maybe let the kitchen floor (lino) be ruined with accidents overnight, until training is done, and DH will just have to suck up costs to have it torn out and replaced by xmas when people come over. (i cannot describe how badly the flat floorboards stank, I will never live with a floor like that again!)

Pooch is spoiled during the day, but i feel it is superficial. He has allsorts of beds inside,toys,treats, posh coats/jumpers, but I want him to have a routine, be potty trained and have his snoring and ear fixed. I don't think IABU about this, but DH gets defensive and sometimes i feel guilty for bringing it up constantly.

I am also starting to resent me trying to get him into a routine and DH not following through. I want DH to care for him, and stop being lazy to a living animal he chose to get.

OP posts:
Bobbotgegrinch · 27/11/2023 15:51

Why on earth would you marry a man who you knew neglected his pet?

However, given that you have, then you need to take it on as you're now just as culpable as he is. It doesn't matter that it's not "your dog", it lives in your home with you and it's as much your responsibility as his. If it was his kids, you wouldn't let them go without their basic needs being met, so why would you just because it's an animal.

We have a cat in our house, despite the fact that I loathe cats. Part of the agreement of us getting one was that I wouldn't be getting involved with the litter tray, with feeding etc. I only agreed to that because I knew that DP and DD would deal with it. However I'm well aware that if for some reason both DP and DD became unable to care for the cat, then I'd have to step up and take responsibility for it.

ShennyInfinity · 27/11/2023 15:52

I'm with everybody else on this, that poor dog, in a garage at night time for crying out loud, why on earth did he get the dog in the first place? Re-homing is best for the dog because he's certainly not being cared for at the moment.

margotrose · 27/11/2023 15:54

You're complicit in neglecting this dog, though, because you also haven't taken him back to the vet and you're also the one making him sleep in the garage.

He's not just your DH's responsibility, he's yours too because you live with him.

If neither of you can be bothered, take him to a rescue centre so someone else can give him the love and care that he deserves.

RayofSunshine18 · 27/11/2023 15:56

This post is so so sad. Please re-home this dog. He deserves a better life than either of you are willing to give him.

wobblyweasel · 27/11/2023 15:59

It makes me wonder why your DH got a dog in the first place, if he wasn't going to invest the time in training/caring for it. We have a border collie, and live in a 4th floor flat. We trained him to indicate when he needed to go out, and only had to use puppy pads at night for about a month (we've had him from 12 weeks old) All dogs need some sort of exercise and the chance to socialise with others. Even the simplicity of going on a sniff walk is great for a dog.

As for your OH not taking the poor thing back to the vets, that's just cruelty.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/11/2023 16:00

In this flat, pooch had 24/7 access to pee/poop on the entire balcony. Balcony ended up stinking bad. Stink would come into flat.

This led to accidents inside as DH wasn't consistent and let the routine drop. Pooch would poo and pee inside, on rug, on floor, despite puppy training pads there too.

I just rarely went in the living area as it stunk really badly.

How can you be with someone who thinks it's acceptable to live like this? How did you find it acceptable to live like this? It's very, very disturbing. Wild animals don't live like this. I just don't understand how your standards can be this low, and then add to it his cruelty to his dog, it just beggars belief.

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