What do I do about my dog?

[Helpmehelpmydog]

Hi, have NC for this as it’s going to be very obvious if someone in real life knows my dog.

I have a 4.5 year old French bulldog who I’ve had since he was 8 weeks old. And I am at my wits end with making a decision as what to do with him. The story is long, but I think to get the answers I need I need to give all the information.

He was a gorgeous little puppy, although a bit too full of confidence and no manners at all. I did classes, got a 121 puppy trainer and took him for weekly socialisation with other puppies. He loved everyone and got better at saying hi to and interacting with other dogs. I had problems with him scent marking and humping, and when he was 9 months old his vet suggested we have him neutered, so I did. He’s my first dog, and I trusted when the vet said this would help him. A week later, we went into lockdown.

I believe this is where all the problems started. Essentially I took away his hormones and his confidence and then had to keep him away from people/ other dogs for the best part of a year. He went from loving everyone into an anxious dog who basically hates everyone he doesn’t know and is extremely lead aggressive. Since 2021 I have worked with 3 separate behaviourists to try and help him, and maybe one or two things they suggest will temporarily work, and then it all just stops working again, even when I use the techniques religiously even now. No vet checks have ever turned up any health/ pain problems, so I do believe his troubles are psychological.

In amongst all of this, I had a baby. I was extremely worried about how he would cope with this and put a lot of work into preparing him for the upcoming changes and made sure if anything needed to change in his routine that it happened well before baby arrived. It went really well. He was gentle and curious but beyond that, not hugely bothered by the baby at all. Fast forward to baby learning to walk, and everything has unravelled. He HATES the walking baby, even though I’ve always been super careful never to let the baby bother him or approach him, he would sometimes initiate interaction, but then would snap at the baby if they tried to interact back with him. He’d also give out no warning signs.. no tense body, no yawning, ears back, trying to move away or not even any warning growls, he just went straight to teeth.

So, from that point I just kept them separate at all times. This has obviously meant that the dog spends less time getting cuddles etc, as I can’t leave such a young toddler unsupervised. The rest of his routine including walks has not changed. But this has led to his behaviour deteriorating even further. All he’s ever wanted is all the cuddles in the world, which he’s now not getting. He’s now horrendous on every walk, can’t say hello to any dogs at all and just shouts and snaps at them as well as any kids that he sees, and can’t cope with strangers coming into the house ever. He’s even gotten funny with people he’s known since he was a pup. He’s really regressed and one of his previous training or behaviourist techniques are working at all. He’s started to what I can only describe as resource guard attention from people, and now on two/three occasions in the past couple of months when someone has stopped petting him and he wanted more he has jumped up and bitten. Luckily he hasn’t broken the skin, but it’s still not okay at all.

It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to share his life and home with a child and I made the heartbreaking decision to re-home him. Only, I have found it’s basically impossible. No local rescues will take him. I’m not hearing back from national rescues, and breed specific rescues just don’t have homes coming up for dogs that need dog-free, child-free homes. We are with one breed specific who has said they will keep trying, but this situation can’t go on forever it’s not fair on him at all. He’s a good dog who just wants a quiet life and lots of love and it’s breaking my heart every day that I can’t give them to him anymore. But it’s also not safe for him or for my child for this to continue.

The only place that says they will take him is Battersea, but they said it would be on the understanding that that would not try to re-home him, and they would put him to sleep. If that is indeed my only option, I would make arrangements for that to be done here in his home so he doesn’t suffer any more stress. I just don’t feel that he’s a lost cause.

Am I being stupid/naive or can I just not see it because I love him so much? Please help me. Does he sound like a dog that can find a new home, or does he just need to be put to sleep? I’m so close to the situation that I just don’t know what to do for the best anymore.

Thanks for reading this essay, and for any advice you might have to give. I do feel those are my two options, as my family will be growing again next year and I don’t think any amount of work will mean he wants to live with children.

Have Battersea met him?

The first thing I would do is get in a qualified behaviourist to assess him for you.

Not someone happy to take your money but with no qualifications at all.

They need to be MSC level of education and belong to the ABTC

.Re health check you need a detailed blood test urine test not just a 3 min hands on check by the vet. You then have the information to make the correct decision for your dog

Can you not keep them separated like you are doing and give him lots more affection/attention inbetween times-like when baby is asleep? He may get used to this new way of doing things and settle down abit. Who can say really, it's what you feel you can ultimately cope with OP.

While you’re in limbo can you get a very good walker/behaviourist who can walk him lots? They’ll work on the walking reactivity training, you won’t be responsible for every walk, and at least that part of it will be easier while you’re waiting to see if the breed rescue can help.

You aren’t being stupid but realistically do you know anyone that would really want a dog and human aggressive/ reactive dog? And if someone does, I would question their motive (and sanity).

Easy for me to say as I have no emotional attachment to the dog, but a dog that has these behavioural issues is generally not a happy dog. Stress takes a toll on a dog.
Euthanised, cuddled by the person he loves, in a calm environment, is not the worse thing that can happen to him.

Have you tried FLOOF? They seem to be an amazing breed specific group, you can find them on Facebook.

For anxiety in him, have you tried any medicines like nutracalm?

There are worse fates for a dog than being PTS being held by the person they love the most.

The first thing I would do is get in a qualified behaviourist to assess him for you.

This ☝

@Helpmehelpmydog Many people claim to be behaviourists who have no qualification whatsoever. That is because it is a very intense course of study to get there and, as @IngGenius says, is masters degree level. I am looking into doing this myself at the moment, and it is likely years of study. Please check into the qualifications of anyone who claims to be a behaviourist. It's likely that your vet will be able to recommend one. Many can only be accessed via a vet recommendation.

I am a firm believer that with the right help and time devoted to working on the dog's issues, great things can be accomplished, however it will take time. Only you can decide whether you have the time to devote given your other circumstances. Nobody would judge you for doing what is in the dog's best interest and if that means re-homing, then so be it. It is fairer on the animal and on your child to be brutally honest, but I would urge a discussion with a proper behaviourist first in order to know the facts.

Good luck.

Has he had blood tests taken to rule out anything underlying?

He sounds unhappy, could you not give him loads of attention when your child is asleep? Or is there anyone you know who would take him on?

Have you spoken to his breeder? That’s usually your first point of contact and they may well be able to help with rehoming him

We have lived with a dog similar to this for 14 years. However my daughter had left home and the grandchildren have grown up knowing not to interact with her. Rehoming her was never an option. There are plenty of uncomplicated dogs that need homes so why would someone take on a known aggressive dog. I love my dog but the last 14 years have not been easy with her and I wouldn't do it again. I honestly think the kindest thing would be to have your dog euthanized at home with you.

I don't have any other advice than has already been said above but I just wanted to send my sympathy. It sounds like an impossible situation and it's clear how much you love him. I'm so sorry. I hope you can come to some sort of solution.

I think from your description, there are a lot of issues here. This doesn’t sound like a happy dog - his experience is of being stressed/scared/overstimulated a lot of the time - this is a dog who needs a home with no kids, no dogs, walks without meeting other dogs, undivided attention - obviously behaviourists/training might improve the situation but there’s no guarantee and it would take a huge amount of time and dedication.

Unfortunately because of cost of living / Covid etc, rescue centres are all full - there just aren’t enough spaces, there aren’t enough homes, and so the rescues can’t pour loads of resources into a dog who is unlikely to realistically find a home.

I think sadly euthanasia is a likely outcome for this dog, as I think in the current climate you’re unlikely to find a suitable solution that meets his needs.

This sounds like such a sad and stressful situation. With regards to those saying “give cuddles whilst your toddler is sleeping” - I don’t think this dog should be in your house long term or for long at all. The fact he has already snapped without warning at your child and at adults who stop stroking him is quite scary and it isn’t reasonable to be able to keep them separate all the time. It sounds like you are managing it really well but the risks sound very high.
I have a 1 year old cockapoo but if he became this reactive I couldn’t keep him in the house at all costs with my children. It wouldn’t be possible in my house and he would be further upset by being kept separate.

What people have said above re seeking a full assessment of him from someone with full qualifications so that you have an understanding of the extend of his issues and if this person (not us on mumsnet!) thinks he could be rehabilitated elsewhere. Or if it is the end of the road and PTS is the recommended option.
I guess if it had a positive outcome re possibility of training helping him it might be go some way to encouraging a rescue to give him a shot at assessment. I don’t think you or your home is the right place to undertake this training.

I guess lots of people/centres are willing to work at dog/car/animal reactivity but when you have a dog biting people…..

I am sorry you are in this position and you are really trying to do the right thing by your dog, that is clear.

Your child should be your priority. Protect her.

Dog needs to go immediately.

Thanks for your replies everyone.

To answer some points: all the behaviourists have been ABTC accredited and the vets checks have been completely thorough. He’s in perfect physical health.

His “breeder” disappeared the moment the money was transferred. He was so poorly with giardia and coccidia when I got him that I spent more money keeping him alive the first weeks I had him than I paid for him as there was no transitional insurance and couldn’t claim on mine for the initial period.

I think in my heart I know what needs to happen. I just needed people to be blunt about it. And posters are right… in the current climate with so many “good” dogs needing new homes, why would someone pick one with challenging behaviours.

He might be wound up in general if he's being put in alot of situations he's not happy about like meeting dogs and being unrestrained when guests come over, have you tried keeping him completely calm for a week or two as in crossing the road so he's not over threshhold when passing dogs or people, and keeping him crated when guests come over? Stress hormones can be horrible to a dog and make a problem seem like a personality trait, when it takes a few days for a dog's stress hormones to level out. If they don't get that imo they have a nervous breakdown or similar to it.

I've had some horrible dogs (My dogs are always adult dogs I buy off pet websites that are described as having problems because I'm a soft touch for a messed up dog) and they've all been completely fine in the home if theyre ran hard for 30 mins a day and exercised for about 90 mins and kept away from things that make them kick off when outside. Never had resource guarding or snapping in the house for longer than 3 months doing things like this. Completely understand your worry about the baby and being concerned about having them together, but if you still want to keep him aslong as he's exercised quite hard he should be content being babygated off for most of the day using frozen kongs and lickymats after he's been exercised hard enough to be flat out with some cuddles and simple sit/lay down/spin/heel sessions for ten mins at a time. Otherwise euthanasia would be your only problem, but it does seem a shame to put down such a young dog.

I’m so, so sorry OP. It sounds like you’ve done everything to give your dog a good life but it still hasn’t been enough.

With your recent post about the breeder I wonder if one or both of your dog’s parents had unstable temperaments. While training and upbringing is very important for dogs there is also a huge genetic component. That’s why there are some dogs that are treated terribly and are still stable, happy pets and others like yours that are treated well yet still are reactive and aggressive.

You say that the breed specific rescue’s reason for not taking him is that they have no homes waiting?
Do you think he could settle & be happy in a home with no children or other pets & someone alone who would be glad of his company & cuddles, who doesn’t/ can’t get out much but has a safe garden to let him explore?
I was wondering about The Cinnamon Trust. You could try contac them & see what they say
https://cinnamon.org.uk/