Help - sleep deprived rescue mum needs advice leaving the sofa!

[Doodledangle]

We've had our rescue 10 days and she is a real poppet such good natured and already responding to her name and basic commands, eating well and LOVES a walk. She's very happy if I'm with her, doesn't like being left alone but I can now leave the room without a meltdown and she will settle during the day with someone else present and doesn't always follow me the minute I leave the room.

I started crate training a few days ago and already seeing good progress from won't go near it a week ago to enjoying a lick plate or going in on command and finding treats but we're a long way off it being her safe space or where could shut her in for the night!

Where I need help is nighttime. We have neighbours plus I didn't want to traumatise her so started sleeping on the sofa next to her bed (not the one in the crate I should add!). She mooches around the room a couple of times in the night but will resettle and no longer keeps trying to sleep on me or barking randomly. I'm bloody shattered and miss my bed but not sure how/when I gradually extract myself and start leaving her for some if not all of the night. We don't want her upstairs - we have cats who are still hiding from the dog and she's not 100% housetrained plus I just don't like pets in my room.

Anyone? Have I made a huge rod for my own back sleeping next to her?!?

Snap! My rescue pup has been here 10 days too! But I don’t have any advice you’ll want to hear: she’s slept in her bed in my bedroom since day one, despite not being housetrained at all when she got here. It meant I heard her the minute she moved and could leap out of bed instantly to take her outside. Interestingly, her bed downstairs is more comfortable than her bed upstairs, and the past two nights, she’s tended to stay downstairs after being taken out at around 7 am (I am not an early riser and go back to bed). With dog training, I’ve never sussed how you make a massive change, like sleeping with her to not sleeping with her, gradually. If yours is anything like mine, she’s still hypervigilant, so no chance of sneaking away in the middle of the night. I hope someone else can give you the advice you’re after.

I slept on a sofa in the dining room for the first 2 or 3 weeks, when our puppy arrived. One day she was suddenly fine being left overnight, and wasn’t frightened on her own.

If you really don't want her upstairs then I'm afraid you're just going to have to continue on the sofa until she's happy enough to settle alone.

But it's worth remembering that even if she comes upstairs now, it doesn't need to be permanent. It will just mean you all get some sleep and then as she settles, you can move her crate further away from you until she's back downstairs.

Obviously it's completely your choice but personally I would prioritise comfort and sleep above everything else.

@margotrose thanks if she was in a crate I would happily do this but we're only at the early stages of crate training. We live in a 4 story house so really don't want her having free rein of the whole house whilst we sleep!

Can you use a pen? Our older pup still sleeps in our room but we pen her onto one side. She’s a working terrier who can get into mischief still and it’s hard to dog proof it completely like we have downstairs. This works well. She sleeps in an open crate but has enough room to sleep out of it if she wants.

Crate training can take months so you need a better solution IMO. We have an elderly cat who is dog savvy but doesn’t want to be bothered by the puppy trying to kiss him so she only has access to the bedroom at night.

Personally I would shut her in the bedroom with me just so I could get some sleep. It doesn't have to be forever but there is no way I'd be sleeping on my sofa for weeks on end for a dog

It sounds like confined to our bedroom or possibly a small playpen on the landing outside our room, might be the answer for the time being.

We've trained her not to go upstairs so do you think it would work if we keep it that she can't go upstairs during the day and at bedtime we pick her up and put her straight in her bed and carry her down in the morning, or do you think that would totally confuse her?

Really appreciate the advice I feel like I'm going a bit stir crazy, I miss my bed/husband and have awful backache so really do need a solution.

It would be absolutely fine but I wouldn't rely on training alone to keep her downstairs - you'll likely need a door or baby gate long term.

She’s probably not come upstairs because she hasn’t 😉 It’s very difficult to boundary train a confident dog so I’m guessing it’s because she is unsure/underconfident/doesn’t know how rather than training.

Either shut her in with you or pen her into an area but also with you. I can’t imagine getting so little sleep and functioning and it will impact her too. You can move her out long term if you want to. We did with our last dog (rescue) when she was ready but it was quite a while.

Sleep is really important for everyone. That’s the priority.

I have a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs. I open it at night so she can follow me upstairs to go to bed, but it´s shut all day. At night, she doesn´t wander around the house: she sleeps, and starts snuffling around the room when she needs to go outside (but I did walk her around the upstairs on a lead first, for a long time, so she´s less tempted to explore at night). The snuffling around the room is already happening much less and she´s starting to sleep through to 7:30-8:00 am. She´s about 7-8 months old.

I foster for a rescue so have a lot of new rescues in the house. My general rule is I just let them get on with it. They are calms nd happy and I get to sleep well in my bed

I don't mind then having the run of the house so less of a big deal.

Could you put a stair gate at the bit that goes up to the other stories and just let her sort out for herself where she sleeps.

They are all different. Most prefer to sleep near me - current one is on a blanket in my room, some prefer downstairs, some on the bed.

Dogs generally tend to work stuff out for themselves and we tie ourselves in knots trying to do the right thing (sleeping on the sofa etc). Often the right thing is to do nothing and just live your life and let them for around you.

Sounds lazy! It is a bit bit I've been fostering for 4 years and my experience is the more I relax and just do my own thing, the more they do.

Make sure she's had a really good walk, mentally and physically a few hours before bedtime and most dogs will just smell through the night wherever.