Shouted at my difficult dog and feel so bad

[Polkadotpjs]

He's reactive. We are working on it. But tonight he barked and snapped at every person, dog, van, car and I shouted "just stop it". He cowered and I cried.
I mourn the dog we had before he was attacked. I'm so sad I won't have my carefree dog again and it's got to me tonight. Please don't have a go at me. Just tell me he'll forgive me. I am the main cater after everyone else wanted a dog and I was cautious. I walk him, feed him, he sits with me/ on me all the time. Greets me like I've been away weeks after an office day (he's been at home with DH before anyone thinks he's being left)
I hate myself for getting cross and seeing the behaviourist again shortly so will ask for advice. Maybe after first snapping and barking I should've come home. But it was a tall bloke all in black and j know he doesn't like unidentified black shapes.
I've snapped at DH too and said he needs to help more. I do all the walks and am so stressed now every time we go out. Jumping into bushes all the time, crossing roads etc. to avoid dogs. I'm crying again now. I feel like the shittest person ever

Take a deep breath. He still loves you.

Can you both take a break from walking for a bit. Maybe some games around the house to just reduce the stress.

Well, he's going to get over it much more slowly if you're yelling at him. You need to behave calmly around him. It is not his fault that your husband is not doing his share.

Maybe trying taking him on a different route. Can you go to a quiet park instead of walking along the streets (if that's what you would usually do)? It might help break the habit of being scared if he sees new scenery. You could also spend more time throwing a ball for him somewhere or just running around in a park.

You'd be scared too if you had been attacked, so do you best to be patient. Let him go at his own pace for at least part of the walk and try to have fun with him so he has fun and feels reassured. Good luck.

You feel like you have no control over this situation, but your doggy needs you to be in control or he will not progress. I am really sorry that this happened to you. Keep walking and try different strategies to help your dog to be able to cope. If you pass a dog keep a tight lead and reward your doggie straight afterwards. I am no dog psychologist but I do love them and have three of my own.
Sometimes when I am out walking I note that I have more control over my three than some people do with one. Don't give up OP

And perhaps walk with someone else who has a dog so he feels safety in
numbers

I need to buy more interesting treats, pick myself up and start again. I know I know I know me shouting is never going to help and wish I could time travel back and just come home and accept tonight was a acted time. He's asleep on my legs now. I love him so much. I think we'll have a quiet day tomorrow and I might go buy him a new toy to shred/ shake and kill.

@Antst we had a lovely walk at lunch at the woods / a field where I can get good visibility and throw a ball but grab him back to me if we see another dog and change direction. This is why I'm so cross at myself. I was so happy with him earlier. Tonight started badly. I should've come home and played instead.
I don't often walk on streets now at all. He was attacked by our house which doesn't help as he sits by the window and barks at passing dogs he doesn't like too. Poor poor baby

I’ve been in the same place. My lovely wonderful dog was attacked and is a completely different dog to what I had and wanted. I’ve posted previously how sad I am that dog ownership is always going to be a struggle now.
Training has helped to some degree but I have to admit I have also lost my temper and shouted. Pulled the lead a little harder than necessary.

Your dog will have forgotten about it already. You are doing the best you can.

Recently read that such ddogs should be walked every other day. Daily is too stressful.. And a change of route takes 2 weeks to see a change in behaviour associated with the route that affects him.. Tried that myself and that actually worked! Horrific ddog here got a month before Covid hit..

@Polkadotpjs, he'll settle down. It will take time though and consistency. He knows that you treat him well.

I’m a shouty person in general. You should hear what I call my dog. I work on the principle he doesn’t know if I’m calling him an utter fucking cunt or my gorgeous handsome boy 🤷‍♀️

Don’t beat yourself up. Having a reactive dog can be hard work and frustrating at times. Have a look at trick woofs on insta if you have an account. Might seem
a bit twee but they always seem to post something that resonates.

@RunningFromInsanity it doesn't - it has happened 4 times now. We've had a run of dogs going for him. Worst was when he was playing with two others then one of them went for the ball he had and when he went to pick it up , lunged and bit him. The one before that was a snarling snapping but no bite- but he was on lead and the other dog was loose so I think he feels restricted on lead. The most recent was some off lead dogs again and one went for him and snapped and not his leg. Not badly hurt because DH picked him up but what a run of bad luck

@RunningFromInsanity that made no sense sorry. It doesn't feel easy and is so upsetting when you had the perfect dog and now he's not. I got evils from an older guy with a fluffy dog who looked angelic too and that tipped me over to being really upset. Nobody gets it unless they've been through it.
@Freezingcoldinseptember I might walk less and play more.
It's so hard. Thank you for your kind replies. I just snuck in bed with my DS before he goes to sleep and polkadog ran up to join us madly wagging tail (he loves DS) and snuggle in. He knows the word "cuddle".

He will forgive you. He loves you. You're both recovering, not just him. And you're both learning.

Grace and forgiveness and repair is all part of the process. Lots of snuggles, for you as much as for DDog – he's not holding it against you.

And you're right, spreading the responsibility will make a big difference – I'd put money on how you're feeling being less about the one-off shout and more about the exhaustion of it all, and not seeing a way out. Get your DP involved so you're not feeling so much pressure.

Reactive dogs are hard work, lovable, amazing and the best dogs but they are hard hard work.

It is ok for you to find it hard, it is ok to need help and it is ok to sometimes get overwhelmed. It is also ok to want some time out. Dont feel you have to always walk your dog, get your behaviourist to show you ways you can both have fun and time together without the stress to either of you.

Speak honestly to your behaviourist.

Tomorrow is another day

Bless you. I know exactly how you feel. My dog was reactive, luckily with a behaviourist we worked through it. But the walks are as stressful for your dog as they are for you. Can you private hire a field once a week to give yourself a break?

I'm not sure if you are aware but there is a group for reactive dog owners on Facebook where there are regular posts from owners seeking support due to how hard it can be. RDUK I think it's called.

The common themes seem to be feeling they are letting their dogs down and lack of understanding from dog owners who don't have a reactive dog.

It sounds tough. Your dog will have forgotten. It's only us humans that ruminate on things we think we shouldn't have done.

@AreYouShittingMe o think I might be on that but my Facebook is weird and all adverts so I dont much go on.
I went to take him to
Groomer today who's also our dog Walker and he loves her dogs. He must feel safe there. He had a little run around garden and played with her puppy. So he can and does like to play with other dogs but is so wary of the majority. He's had a LOT of cuddles and chicken today