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The doghouse

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Original poster

Dog refuses to be separated from DH on walks

13 replies

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 29/09/2023 16:34

Our golden retriever Riley is 3 years old but we’ve only had him for around 8 months. He is a rescue from Turkey and was abandoned by his previous owners, which I realise might be related. He is a lovely dog and has no challenging behaviour apart from this.

If me and DH take him for a walk together he absolutely will not be separated from DH. If we need to go in a shop when we’re out with him one of us always stays outside with him. If DH stays he’s completely fine but if I stay he cries until DH comes back. Once DH wanted to stay out to do something and told me to take Riley home without him but he refused to move so we had to give up on the idea. Today DH took Riley to the groomers and asked me to collect him afterwards so he could get some work done. He point blank refused to come home with me. It was very embarrassing as it was in public and people kept staring at me trying to persuade my dog to walk. He’s a big dog and I can’t carry him so in the end had no choice but to call DH to come and get him

I realise Riley might just prefer DH to me and that’s fine. But what I don’t understand is that I take him for walks on my own all the time. I do most of the work with him because DH works and I am currently on maternity leave. It’s always me who takes him for his morning walk and quite often me that takes him on the evening walk too. I have also taken him to the groomers and collected him before with no issues. He doesn’t seem to mind leaving DH at home and coming on a walk with me, but refuses to leave him outside of the house.

Has anyone else experienced this and can offer advice?

OP posts:

Azaeleasinbloom · 29/09/2023 16:39

Poor Riley. I would guess that this anxiety is based on something in his earlier life. Your DH represents a security which was lost and he doesn’t want to lose it again.
I would be inclined to do as you would for a puppy acclimatising to being on his own. Start at home, both sit in room with Riley, DH leave for a few minutes; same outside; in your own street - DH goes back to house briefly, then practice each scenario until he gets comfortable that DH will always come back. It will take practice and patience but he is worth it.

margotrose · 29/09/2023 17:28

What have you tried to get Riley to walk with you so far?

Original poster

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 29/09/2023 17:30

Nothing really. He loves walks and usually has no problem going with just me. It’s just if DH comes with us he can’t stand to be away from him.

OP posts:

Riverlee · 29/09/2023 17:34

When DH goes in the shop, can you reward him for staying with you. Call his name and everytime he looks at you, reward him. Make you the most interesting person around. Maybe have some high value treats - cheese, etc. perhaps start with short separations and build it up.

margotrose · 29/09/2023 17:39

Is he food motivated? Toy motivated? Praise motivated?

Like @Riverlee says, I'd want to reward him for staying/coming with you - start in the the house and then move to the garden, then out on walks etc.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 29/09/2023 17:46

I think you're going to have to bite the bullet and do some training with your dog.

I'd say it's about gradual desensitization to being away from your DH, with gradual steps, rewarding calm behaviour when separated with treats and praise, but I am not an expert.

You need to get some specialist advice from someone who can see Riley in real life.

Original poster

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 29/09/2023 18:07

We do take him to a training class every week. His obedience and recall has improved a lot since we got him but nothing in the training covers this specifically. He’s usually fine with being left for short periods of time as long as it’s in the house. He seems very comfortable there. It’s just outside that he behaves like this and only when both of us are with him. I took him on an hour long walk this morning with just me and him and he walked beautifully and didn’t object at all to leaving DH at home. I’m not sure if the solution is just to stop going out all together or if we should keep trying.

OP posts:

Peacendkindness · 29/09/2023 18:10

Food - only a good he gets from you - eg sausages or liver bacon - something to get his nostrils going - DH never has it or gives it to him. If Riley comes to you for any reason he gets it.

mine like dried fish (!) it stinks but they love it - big black Labradors but it is their favourite treat by a country mile

VivaLaVolvo · 30/09/2023 09:21

I rehomed a cockapoo and he wouldn't leave me. Howled if I went into a shop and he was left outside with DH. Left the room when I did etc

3 years later he probably prefers DH but will pretty much go to any family member.

Maybe he just needs time?

Aria20 · 30/09/2023 09:39

I think it's quite common, my spaniel is 2.5 now we've had her from 10 weeks and if we go on a walk as a family and then some of the group split up she is reluctant to walk on - will continue to look back or pull to go back for the others etc and look at me like why are we leaving them behind?! She is ok with it in certain situations eg walking dd to school she understands we leave her and walk back and that's ok, waiting outside a shop for one of us is also fine. But a change of routine like walking into town to drop ds off at barbers for example is confusing as we don't do that often so it will then take me ages to walk home without ds as she'll keep stopping and trying to go back for him! I think just keep getting her used to it and reward with special treats.

HappiestSleeping · 30/09/2023 09:49

Does he know the difference between 'stay' and 'wait'? This was significant with my rescue.

Newpeep · 30/09/2023 10:25

Dogs are pre programmed to keep groups together. It’s normal behaviour. How we deal with it is when one of their people walks away the other gives a treat. You start small with one step and back, two, three etc. a treat as they walk away, nothing on return as that’s the reinforcer. Nothing asked of the dog just person walks away OMG A GOOD THING HAPPENS!

Last weekend my OH brought our pup to visit me at a dog competition. I was helping there. He took her home and she spent the rest of the day looking and waiting for me. We’d never done that before so she had no idea I wasn’t coming back too. He is with her more during the week and she’s equally bonded to both of us, just this was different. You’ll find if you mix it up a bit and become less predictable then it will improve too as will maturity. I remember our last dog being the same into young adulthood then she became more adaptable.

MyCircumference · 30/09/2023 11:00

sounds all very normal to me, although the grooming situation a bit extreme.
i would work around it

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