Help me decide whether we could manage a dog!

[dreamsofsleep]

Hello
i need advice! We are a family of five - three kids, my husband and me. We live in a quiet suburb of a big city with lots of lovely parks. We have a medium sized house and medium garden. Kids are 12, 9 and 6. We would all like to get a dog but have serious doubts as to whether we can manage one. My middle child absolutely adores dogs and it would make him so so happy to have one. I would love to be able to get a dog.
husband and I both work full time! Husband can do two days a week from home.
I am confident that children would walk dog after school. Not sure we could manage more than one walk on weekdays.
i have been thinking that we could consider getting an older dog who is already trained and whose personality is already known. A puppy is just out of the question as I just won’t have time to do all the puppy stuff!
any advice would be great! I just want to make sure I’ve really really tried to figure out a way of having a dog before I say no to the children.
thank you!

You can’t let kids that age take responsibility for a dog. What if it’s injured or attacked.
Plus rescues will want someone there to settle a dog at home. And what would you do on the days DH isn’t home? One walk a day isn’t an issue for all dogs.
Can you volunteer for a rescue or centre or cinnamon Trust?

Can you afford a dogwalker or dogsitter for the days your husband isn't at home?

If so, carry on (with the proviso that you are going to have to find time for a morning walk). If not, no.

Ah, different view there, Wolfie. Even our lazy, gentle old girl wanted to get out and sniff-check her messages in the morning before she'd settle down.

What will happen to the dog on the three days your husband is out?

Don't rely on kids to walk the dog - they won't do it.

Sorry if you have to wonder if you can manage a dog, then you can't
You can't expect your DC to be responsible for looking after the dog
The novelty soon wears off with DC
I'm a disabled dog owner who pays a daily dog walker

Thanks both, really helpful thoughts. Cinnamon trust is a great idea.

any thoughts on what breeds are calmer and don’t need tons of exercise?

Ah we only do one walk a day but it’s in the morning then they settle!

I would say not.

when you say you are confident kids would walk the dog, you do realise most dogs need a decent walk of around an hour (not just a trot round the block) including in grotty / wet weather?! Are your kids really going to walk a dog in the pouring rain after school in December when it’s dark by 4pm?!

what about weekends? Do you go out a lot to places where you can’t take a dog? One of the reasons we haven’t got a dog is I don’t want my weekend plans to be restricted by a dog

1 walk a day, done by the kids and 3 days where the dog is home alone or with a sitter/daycare? Is that right?

There are 4 big issues that leap out...

1. The children being in charge of a dog when walking (as Wolfie said). By the time they are old enough to walk the dog alone, teenage years will have kicked in and they are likely to want to be out with mates etc.
2. If you only have time for 1 walk a day, there are dogs that would be fine with that but it suggests you don't have much other time for the dog - one walk a day might be fine but the dog will need more input than that. It's not just walks: training, grooming, vet trips, etc etc. It will need more hours in the day than just the one walk.
3. Lots of dogs are not great in daycare type settings - and you would not tend to know until it was too late. So you should think of a fallback plan for those 3 days.
4. A dog can live 15 years. This is going to end up being your responsibility sooner or later - once the kids have flown the nest, are you really going to be happy being tied to a dog vs taking advantage of the initial chance to start holidaying, going out, generally enjoying the 'freedom' from not having children. Even before they leave home, they will be teenagers and teenagers rarely have time for dogs. So, you should plan of being the primary carer. If that is not for you, it's not fair on the dog.

Thanks all. Just to note - I am not assuming we can manage a dog, I know it’s a huge responsibility not to be taken on lightly. I also, with respect, know my own children. The 9 and 12 year old already walk a friend’s dog. I wouldn’t send them if I didn’t feel they could manage it and only if it was a calm dog.

I’m really grateful for helpful and friendly responses but there is no need for anyone to react as if my question has personally offended them. So many people plunge in and get a dog without thinking it through - I’m trying to do the opposite - think before I act. Thank you.

greyhound! retired one

but keep it on a lead!!

you will still need a dog walker though and cant leave it all day

This is really helpful, thanks.

OP, I am not trying to convince you otherwise - you do obviously know your family best.

But, I am scarred by an experience and would feel remiss not to mention it. WARNING involves a description of a dog attack.

A few years back my own dog was attacked in the street. A perfectly normal street - by an otherwise perfectly normal other dog who was a bit more unwell with cancer than the owner realised. (and was off lead - grrr)

That dog tore almost half the skin off mine in an attack lasting 10 mins, during which the other owner battled to get them off and my own dog screamed. What was left was a dog, barely alive, with all her insides on the outside.

It's not that your children cannot handle a calm dog. It's whether or not they could handle a situation that went wrong - because of someone else's mistake?

I was an adult and barely coped with it. If I imagine myself at 12 (when I frequeently walked the family dog - as it happens), it would have been beyond traumatic for me.

Anyway, do with that extra info as you will

Problem is, no rescue would let you have a dog that's going to be home alone 3 days a week (assuming that's the case when DH is not wfh?)

Just out of interest which city do you live near? If you have a guide dog training centre you could apply to foster a dog in training which is just evenings and weekends.

Sorry I think it’s a non-starter. You both work fulltime and you’re relying on young kids to walk the dogs. In reality there’s no way they’ll do so, day in day out, all year round.

The only way it might work is if you pay for day care all the days you’re out of the house. That will cost you at least £100/week. And you accept you’ll be walking the dog yourself, after dark.

The 9 and 12 year old already walk a friend’s dog. I wouldn’t send them if I didn’t feel they could manage it and only if it was a calm dog.

Would they manage if the dog slipped and bolted? Or ran into a road and got hit by a car? What if another dog attacked your dog and it needed vet treatment?

It's not about coping when your dog is calm and on a lead, it's coping when it all goes wrong.

it is good you are thinking about it first.

initial thoughts

lots of rescues will not rehome where there are children. Not all, but many. Also rescued dogs may involve additional work - they may have behavioural issues. Again, not all, but you need to go in with your eyes open.

You know your kids now, but they do like to change 😂 I knew when we got dogs that ultimately it would be my responsibility to ensure it’s looked after and walked daily. I have to pay a dog walker for the days I am working. My dog personally wouldn’t cope in daycare (he’s too nervous). And between kids/ school runs/ work etc any weekday walks by one of us are a bonus.

they need walking/ stimulation daily. So only walking once at the weekend may be an issue (it depends on the dog). An unwalked dog is more likely to behave ‘badly’ (find something to chew etc) but in that case it’s not the dogs fault. My dog can cope with a day of not being walked, just, but he’s climbing the walls on those days and I still have to find time to play games with him in the garden to expand some energy.

they are a massive tie. Going out for a non dog friendly day trip at the weekend? It’s up extra early to walk the dog (a good log walk so they are settled) and also they need someone to come in to let them out for a wee. Going on holiday abroad? My dog won’t cope with kennels. I have to find a housesittter or friend that the dog knows. And he misses us. Ditto weekends away we have to go somewhere dog friendly.

these are just the tip of the iceberg. There’s vets visits, grooming visits (depends upon the breed), plus associated costs (and costs of feeding them (mines fussy!), dog walker, house sitter, flea and worming etc).

lots of websites will give you ideas about typical dog breed characteristics and you can often filter to find suggestions based on what fits with your lifestyle. Consider if you want a dog where parents have been health tested, as many breeds are prone to conditions developing. And vet bills are eye watering (as is pet insurance).

I LOVE having the dog but it does impact on your lifestyle, your ability to be spontaneous, and your wallet. If you’re not 100% sure I wouldn’t. For those reasons I suspect once DDog is gone (hopefully not for a good while after living a long and happy life) he will be my last.

Oh and there’s extra cleaning to fit in! In the winter mine comes in filthy and needs a daily shower, plus additional floor mopping from dirty paws/ hoovering/ washing dog bedding etc

If you want, I can lend you my Lab for a week? That will put you off having a dog 😂

Seriously though, I echo what others have said about the children walking the dog. In theory, the elder one should be fine, but in reality, the occurrences of people with completely untrained and unmanageable dogs has gone through the roof.

I would definitely think about fostering, or even do a basic dog training course (the IMDT have a 1 day introduction) that would give you a much greater knowledge bed.

The other thing that seems to be missing from the thread is the complete joy that dogs bring. Mine was a shithead for the first few months, but is settling in to being a better behaved, well adjusted and much loved family member.

In my humble opinion, your biggest challenge wonuldn't be training the dog, it would be training the family to be consistent with the dog.

Some rehoming places will not let you take on a dog if your working ft away from home. Are your kids happy to pick up after a dog? My ds is happy to walk our dog with me as he refuses to pick up after her. All dogs are different even if same breed you can get lazy or full of energy ones just like kids!

Mmm.

Mine walked our neighbour's dog every week for over a year in an attempt to persuade me of her good intentions. Guess what happened when we (ok, I) finally got our own dog?

And the neighbour's dog was an utter loon who memorably once attacked a moving bus.

For those reasons I suspect once DDog is gone (hopefully not for a good while after living a long and happy life) he will be my last.

I said that.

Six months later... I'm looking for another dog.