Dog grief

[honeyandbutterontoast]

Small dog is nearly 6. When we got her as a puppy she had Big dog and Cat as her companions. The three of them made a little pack and would play together. Small dog would usually sleep with Cat, but would always lay with Big dog when we went out and they were always in the garden haring up and down.

Cat died in January. Small dog was sad but slightly mollified by the addition of a kitten (who is not a fan of dogs or being friendly). So she clung more to Big dog, who died in June :(

Since then Small dog has been unhappy. I have tried everything, new interesting walks (she used to look for big dog on the usual walks). She won’t go in the garden on her own, won’t play, won’t go to the toilet in the garden so we do more walks (that she doesn’t enjoy).

Appetite remains unaffected thankfully, but she howls if I go upstairs or into the garden and is constantly demanding food, attention. She goes crazy with excitement if she sees another dog on a walk, any dog, and then whimpers on the way home.

Truthfully I cannot really afford another dog, and I’m not sure that is the answer. What if they didn’t get along? Life is easier in a way with only one dog, but I think she doesn’t know how to be alone.

Vet has suggested antidepressants. I don’t know if medicating her is the answer?

I've been there. I remember sitting on a path holding my remaining dog and sobbing, whilst she howled into the undergrowth for her lost friend.

Sorry - I know you don't want to hear this, but the only thing that fixed it for us was another dog.

I’m just worried it’s the wrong thing. That she won’t like the new dog and her life will then be worse.

Im also scared to love another pet after losing two this year, I've turned into a massively neurotic dog mum.

I hoped the new kitten/cat would have filled the void but she refuses to let small dog sleep with her and delights in biting her 🙄 Not ideal!

Can you foster or borrow a doggie? Current dog came from Battersea and had been in foster care- all bills and food paid.

My curly dog grieved evil dog for like 2 or 3 months, curled up in evil dogs nap spot crying, not eating, not wanting to go on walks, barely even lifting her head, but she got through it. Evil dog didn’t even like her, though, not sure why she bothered grieving for her when all she ever did was snap at her. Entering a room? Snap. Walking past? Snap. Breathing? Snap.
Curly dog didn’t even have being excited over new dogs on walks as a starting point to a better mood, she doesn’t like other dogs much at all. We still had little dog, and it didn’t matter to her. Evil dog and little dog got on, and bullied curly dog, but it’s curly dog who grieved evil dog.
We didn’t get lanky dog until 6 years later, and the decision had nothing to do with curly dog, lanky dog was WANTED which is only fair. The two get along like a house on fire. Now it’s curly dog and lanky dog getting on while little dog lives his twilight years curled up on the sofa.
The point is, grief is grief, it’s not depression, it’s acute sadness with a known cause, let your dog go through it, make sure she knows you’re there for her, and she’ll pull through.

I’m just worried it’s the wrong thing. That she won’t like the new dog and her life will then be worse.

Most rescues will do a bit of a dog matching service - they'll always want the dogs to get on, but more so if you explain the circumstances.

Our older dog was 3 when we brought our younger one home as a puppy. They were great companions until the older one died aged 12 three years ago, obviously the younger one had never known life alone. I would say he grieved for at least six months, very mopey and listless, not really interested in going for walks, just seemed to have lost his love of life. Gradually though he perked up and I would say that after a year he seemed to start relishing life as an only dog and now he is 12 and seems very happy. Hang in there, I think like humans it takes time. We had/have no intention of getting another dog; another dog might be an easier option but it sounds like that is not for you either.

I'm so sorry you've lost two beautiful pets this year.

I think I'd give her a little more time to adjust then, if she's still struggling, look into shared walks or fostering or something similar. Off the top of my head there's the Cinnamon Trust who match dogs with elderly or unwell owners to local people who can walk or foster them. Other dog charities may need volunteer dog walkers or short term foster placements. Or there's some sort of a dog homestay franchise called barking mad that's always advertising for volunteers to have dogs to stay in their home for a small amount of money in expenses. (Not sure how dodgy that one is, so don't take this as a recommendation!)

I'm going to suggest you do something fun with her to increase her bond to you. I have always had a multi pet household but been careful that they bond to us not each other else you do get this problem.

If she is small, and 5, then agility can be fun. Hoopers, scent work, trick classes - stuff that uses her brain. She has lost confidence and one of the best things to increase it is training and games.

You could foster but I suspect she has lost HER friends, not ANY friends. So it may be worth a go and see what happens.

Thank you all

Yes I do think grief is not depression, and I’m not sure animals feel the way we do. I guess she has lost the alpha of the pack and doesn’t know how to be that now. Hence kitten completely ruling the roost 🙄

Definitely her confidence is lost although she is so much friendlier and calmer on walks then when there were two of them. Big dog was a barker and very reactive.

Agility and scent work are probably out as shes a pug 😆, however I did read that sniffing is calming for dogs, so I make sure she can amble and sniff on walks as much as she likes.

Any dog can do scent work. Any dog can do agility as well as long as you are going to an experienced trainer who knows a dogs limits (I am a trainer and have safely taught many different breeds) but probably other things are more suitable.

I would look at some kind of class for her. Speak to your local clubs and businesses and see what they offer. It really is a great way to increase confidence.

..and yes, let her sniff as much as she likes on walks. Sniffing is one of the best things for calming a dog.

She is quite agile but struggles with her breathing when she runs around too much, and has had a herniated disc so we have to be pretty careful with her.

But I will have a look around and see what there is :)

All dogs have noses A basic study doing scentwork with GSD and Pugs. The pugs were way more accurate and had a higher successful rate than the GSD. (The pugs got knackered quicker though!).

Give scentwork a go - a good trainer will adapt to her needs. There is an amazing pug out on the scentwork competition circuit doing really well.

Study on Pugs outperforming GSD at Scentwork

She'll get over her grief. It took my spaniel about six months after the death of my old dog. I didn't want him on anti-depressants either - he was grieving, not depressed for no reason.