Ex wants to share pets

Animallover100 · 2023-08-20T06:35:36+00:00

My ex and I broke up 8 months ago. He has moved out and shown zero interest in pets apart from petting when he comes over to pick up the children. He has new partner, he had his fun and holidays and suddenly asked for pets to spend the time at his. In those months since break up, he has bought no food for any of them. The cat avoids him as he is not part of the household anymore. He has not walked the dog once. He has not offered to clean the hamster cage once either. To me it looks like he has had his fun, now partner that works at school is returning to work he is looking for something else to fill his days with. He wants pets regularly for a night here or there so I.e. once a week. Aibu to say no? All the costs are on my head and always have been, from buying food to dealing with insurance and vets. ExP didn't think about pets for months but suddenly does? He ultimately wants pets without having the hassle of having pets full time.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 20/08/2023 07:50

Agree. I also think that would be really confusing and difficult for the animals wouldn't it? If he wants his own pets, he can get them.

Newusernameaug · 20/08/2023 07:53

Agree with you - it’s so obvious, new girlf has probably said she likes animals and pets so now he just wants to impress her. I’d be saying no too. It’s not fair on the animals.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 20/08/2023 07:53

Newusernameaug · 20/08/2023 07:53

Agree with you - it’s so obvious, new girlf has probably said she likes animals and pets so now he just wants to impress her. I’d be saying no too. It’s not fair on the animals.

This was my thought. Absolutely not.

TicTacNicNak · 20/08/2023 07:55

At most I'd let him walk the dog occasionally but not take it to his house.

Definite no to having the cat. It would be very confused about its surroundings and if it got outside at his would likely go missing.

Why on earth would he want the hamster? They're mostly nocturnal and not really a companion animal. Tell him to get himself a rescue dog or cat to keep that he doesn't have to share. Bet he won't be keen on sole responsibility and expense involved.

CurlewKate · 20/08/2023 07:59

Dog yes. Cat and hamster no.

GoodVibesHere · 20/08/2023 08:03

I would say no to this, given his lack of interest before now. It's the dog he wants isn't it? I expect he wants occasional dog walks with his girlfriend, but without the full-time responsibility of owning a pet.

legalseagull · 20/08/2023 08:04

Don't cut your nose off to spite your face though - is bloody love free dog care when I go on holiday! They kennels is about to cost me nearly £300!

Original poster

Animallover100 · 20/08/2023 08:06

Well he wanted the dog regularly. I questioned why he only wants the dog, he has changed his tune and said he will take all pets regularly.

I said no, he is calling me unreasonable and out of order, saying he loves our pets and I'm using it against him as I'm bitter after break up.

He has organised zero childcare for the children over the holiday so I had no downtime, he has done weekends away and holidays and now that he is done, he came up with taking pets. He is saying I'm ruining coparenting relationship! I might have considered sharing pets if he has shown from the start he cared but he didn't, because if he did he would have helped both financially and physically. I find it sad that someone in late 40s can be that irresponsible and not consider the wellbeing of their pets and fear how this will affect our relationship going forward. I also don't want to agree as he keeps pushing boundaries with everything when it suits him and don't know what's going to next.

OP posts:

TossacointoHenryCavill · 20/08/2023 08:09

What would happen if you said to him ´lovely! If you take the dog along with the children EOW I’ll be able to stay over with friends and go on minibreaks!’

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 20/08/2023 08:10

He’s promised his GF a cute dog to play with and you’ve said no. Hold firm!

Original poster

Animallover100 · 20/08/2023 08:11

legalseagull · 20/08/2023 08:04

Don't cut your nose off to spite your face though - is bloody love free dog care when I go on holiday! They kennels is about to cost me nearly £300!

The dog is nervous and reactive. I have been working with him for months to fix behavioral issues and developed routine since ex left. I am fully aware holiday are an issue and were for the last few years. If it means I don't go on holiday while I have pets so be it. I'm more concerned of the impact it will have on the dog being moved from place to place on occasionally basis. He isn't good with strangers. He is known to pee himself in uncomfortable situations. He is not a young dog either and breed known for having heart problems. Do I want to risk having the dog regress on behavioral issues or get sick because he wants a pet without having one full time due to responsibility? I had done my research before deciding and the recommendation is not to share a pet that's older and problematic as its not in their best interest.

OP posts:

Beamur · 20/08/2023 08:11

Tell him to jog on. Get his own pets.

Willmafrockfit · 20/08/2023 08:16

of course not,
he can get his own

HiHoHiHoltsOffToWorkWeGo · 20/08/2023 08:21

Absolutely not - doubly so with your update about the dog's personality.

Mindymomo · 20/08/2023 08:27

He’s waited 8 months before deciding he wants visits with dog, no way, I wouldn’t even want him walking the dog. People don’t understand if you have an anxious dog, it’s not easy changing their routine. Tell ex you’ve worked hard getting to where your dog is now and you have a routine with the dog that’s working well and that you’re not wanting to change anything. Is the dog microchip in your name, your name as owner with vets, just in case it gets nasty.

Original poster

Animallover100 · 20/08/2023 08:37

@Mindymomo

All pets are in my name even though he feels the dog is his as he wanted him. I have always insured all pets, took to the vet, paid for ( he did share the cost when asked but never the work). He has no idea where chips are registered or the fact you have to pay yearly or lifetime fee to keep is registered. He doesn't know what food the pets have and why they are on particular food. He never did the care of bathing, worming, vaccinating. I always had the mental load of the care of the pets and children in fact.

Recently the dog needed surgery and it was expensive- much more than insurance has covered. When I told him about it, he just mentioned wow that's expensive and not offered any money towards it nor did he help looking after the dog post surgery. He needed several check ups which I needed to do on my lunch breaks, wound cleaning, issue walking.

I am really questioning myself whether saying no was the right decision as I am trying to keep things nice between us, but feeling as there was no responsibility when he couldn't be bothered but now he can and expects me to jump to his tune.

OP posts:

Original poster

Animallover100 · 20/08/2023 08:39

Animallover100 · 20/08/2023 08:37

@Mindymomo

All pets are in my name even though he feels the dog is his as he wanted him. I have always insured all pets, took to the vet, paid for ( he did share the cost when asked but never the work). He has no idea where chips are registered or the fact you have to pay yearly or lifetime fee to keep is registered. He doesn't know what food the pets have and why they are on particular food. He never did the care of bathing, worming, vaccinating. I always had the mental load of the care of the pets and children in fact.

Recently the dog needed surgery and it was expensive- much more than insurance has covered. When I told him about it, he just mentioned wow that's expensive and not offered any money towards it nor did he help looking after the dog post surgery. He needed several check ups which I needed to do on my lunch breaks, wound cleaning, issue walking.

I am really questioning myself whether saying no was the right decision as I am trying to keep things nice between us, but feeling as there was no responsibility when he couldn't be bothered but now he can and expects me to jump to his tune.

Just to add I meant he shared the cost when we lived together.... after he moved out the costs stayed with me only.

OP posts:

dreamydandelion · 20/08/2023 08:40

offer him to look after them when you are on holiday.

legalseagull · 20/08/2023 10:03

Tell him to get his own dog then! Nervous dogs can't be shipped around

Spanielsarepainless · 20/08/2023 16:30

I wouldn't. My ex wanted something similar and as we were very amicable he had DDog if I was away. But then he said he wanted him regularly, so it stopped it.