Struggling with puppy

[Spicybananas]

Hi all. We got a new puppy a few weeeks ago and she’s lovely - she’s a really lovely dog.

The thing is our household is really struggling to cope and although we spoke all about this before we got her (we’d been debating a dog for a long time) the reality has been very different.

Shes not sleeping well at night at all and we’ve tried multiple places, multiple positions, lights on and off, but she barks and growls a lot at night. She’s scaring my cats who are 9 and have never been near a dog and it’s a lot for them to accept. I cannot leave her in the house at all without her going mental - we’ve tried crate, no crate, treats, radio, a kong etc - she just goes mad as we have to shut her into a room or she tries to wreck everything. I am basically housebound at the moment as we just can’t leave her.

I know she’s a puppy so all this would be fine as I know they grow out of it - the harder thing is our 4 year old is really struggling to adjust. He was so excited at the thought of a puppy but he’s got suspected ADHD and some other behavioural issues and the lack of sleep and change to his routine is really upsetting him.

do we have to accept that maybe for us at this moment in time a puppy isn’t right? We’ve been considering looking at some training for her - will that maybe help with the sleep issues and being able to leave her? (I even mean just to pop to the shop!)

my DP’s mum would be more than happy to take her so she’d have a very loving home to go to I just feel so so sad that it isn’t working out and I’m so worried about the longer term impacts on my cat and DS.

thanks so much for any advice!

You say a few weeks in? This isn't really long enough, especially if you are being inconsistent trying lots of different things.

In my experience, dogs like consistency, so you are best off choosing how you want to live and sticking with it. Personally, I would be crate training, and definitely finding a decent puppy class.

The Culture Clash is a good boom as are the two by Zak George.

You don't mention the breed, but if it's a working dog, you'll need to give plenty of mental stimulation.

Good luck 👍

Book, not boom. Bloody speel chuck.

You need to hire a local behaviorist urgently who can set you up with a routine and support you .

You need structure and routine with puppies, and if you don't know enough to do it yourself get a professional in - will dramatically help

She needs to sleep in with you, not sure if you are trying this?

It is a shock to a puppy to be away from mum and siblings, so if the barking and being unsettled is at night when she is alone she will be scared and worried.

If you let her be with you now you will build a confident dog who will be happy to be alone when older. Don't listen to anyone who says she needs to learn to be alone from the start.

I hate to compare puppies to children , but think about how you nurture and support a baby/toddler so they grow into a confident teenager who can happily stay away from home and cope with life's knocks etc.

Let her snuggle with you at night and she will sleep through im sure.

We're about to get a puppy and I'm worried about the early days too. You are very much in the early days still - how long ago did you get her? I've been doing lots of reading to try and prepare (also have 2 10 year old cats so this is a concern also). Join 'Dog Training Support and Advice' on fb - they have lots of useful guides on there and if you have specific questions after reading the relevant guides you can post on the group and qualified behaviourists/trainers will answer you. But I would say training is a very good idea. It's a new situation for all of you!

This is very, very normal for just a few weeks in. Puppies are bloody hard work - they turn your entire lives upside down and are a huge commitment.

I suspect things would be much easier if you could get some sleep - I know you've said you've tried all sorts of things but have you tried having her sleeping in with you?

It makes all the difference in the world for most dogs.

Poor cats

We got our pup on Saturday (just less than a week ago) and both my girls (5 & 3) have been a bit out of sorts and cried a lot.

The best thing we've found is carrying on as normal as possible for them, one of us has been taking them out and one stays home (or they've gone with grandparents for the day which I know isn't an option for everyone), the separation from him and 'normal' days has definitely made a difference for them.

On the crate front, I put my top in my pups bed after wearing it for the day and he loves it. I also put a tiny bit of pup safe peanut butter on a chew toy and sat with him in the crate eating it and that seemed to work well, once I closed the door I stayed close and have been trying a 'gradual retreat' method to minimise him getting distressed, of course though they're all different so there's no rule book but these are some things you could try 😊

All will be fine if puppy sleeps on your bed, they will sleep and so will you. You might need ear plugs though.

This is only my opinion but a puppy with a 4 year old child is a bad mix. When my sons were young and we were thinking about getting a dog we were told by a local rescue to wait until our youngest was 6 because they are mature enough to handle the unexpected things that come up with a puppy. Since you have a good home for the pup to go to, I would send it right along to the new owner.

I always say that if puppies weren't so cute, no one would have them. It's almost always extremely tricky at first and with young children and other pets in the mix as well, there's a reason "puppy blues" exist!

Agree with the others that for now you need the pup in with you at night, anywhere they will settle and feel safe. The feeling safe is the most important bit. Once they feel safe and settled they can gradually be transitioned to further away from your room. TBH my dog is an older girl who we've only had since December and she sleeps in her dog bed right next to me at night, her previous home she had to sleep downstairs with another dog and would often be found sleeping on the dining table in the morning trying to get away from the other dog. If she feels the safest next to me, then that's all good for both of us. Even if her snoring does occasionally wake me up!

It's also very normal to not be able to leave your pup and effectively be housebound. Trying to rush this process can easily result in a dog with separation anxiety. My girl has this, she used to left for hours on her own and toilet in the house through anxiety, or be left in the car while her owner worked, fortunately we can work around this and I work in a dog-friendly office too. She hates it even if I go into the garden without her. The important thing to avoid separation anxiety is to not rush things, go at the puppy's pace, and make sure they feel safe and happy at all times, as soon as they start to panic you've gone too far. There's some good advice here:

You could put a crate in your bedroom for nighttime. Sounds like she needs to be crated when you go out as well. I wouldn’t let her sleep in the bed as my husband did this and I am constantly having to change hairy sheets and I hate it! Our dog was a rescue, 6 months old and has settled down so much but would not sleep downstairs on her own.

I agree with others - get the puppy in with you at night. In a crate beside the bed, if you prefer - but close enough you can comfort her and she knows you are there.

It will all be much easier if everyone's getting a good night's sleep.

We have a 3 month old puppy and a 7 yr old with aspergers. She has found it difficult to adjust to having another unpredictable being in the house. We get a constant running commentary on what the dogs doing which is stressful in itself.
I'd be finding it much much harder if we hadn't crate trained and had her sleeping through and toilet trained quickly and she gets tired out by walks and training and training games daily as part of her day.
I'd definitely look into behaviourist training to help you get some routine and basic manners and obedience. We did and found it really reassuring. Also she's now coming into a more pushing boundary stage so we're glad of the basics to reinforce.

I know dogs aren't the same as having children - but imagine an infant baby that's been taken away from it's siblings and mum and suddenly is in this new environment where it's supposed to act like an adult.
Now apply that to the puppy.

Puppies need comfort the only thing that's going to comfort it, is knowing it isn't alone at night. They're pack animals. You can work on 'safe space' once it's older but for now, let the puppy learn that you're it's pack.

Thank you all so much for your advice ❤️ we seem to be having a good night so far with her crate in our en suite right next to our bed and I kept my hand sort of hanging in her crate until she fell asleep and that seemed to work! She also has the gate facing out into the en suite so she can access her water bowl and puppy pads if necessary - this way her crate isn’t shut (which causes anxiety for her) but she can’t run amok in the night pooing all over the house haha!

I hope you remembered to take the loo roll out! Our puppy loved to untangle a roll.

Good luck and I really recommend a trainer.

As someone who doesn’t know much about dogs… would a puppy not toilet all over the bed and carpet if they were in with their owner at night? How do you manage that?

In due course a dog will not want to toilet in their home, but an uncrated puppy may. In fact, a crated puppy may too. I think that's why OP's got the crate door facing the bathroom as it's easier to clear up.

Our beagle has slept in with us since the day we brought him home and he's never, ever has an accident overnight.

Dogs are smart and won't generally toilet where they sleep unless they have no other choice.

We got a Labrador to support our autistic son (not a trained support) the first two years were a nightmare. Puppy stage was a challenge but adolescence was far worse. He needs so much attention , exercise and stimulation it was really hard giving that to him whilst meeting our sons needs. I wanted to rehome but dh was against it. Now things are a lot better, we did training and then later got a behaviourist who was fantastic. But our son has zero interest in him. If you genuinely think this is not the right thing I would seriously consider re homing

Stair gates are your friend here.

We have one across the kitchen door way, so that ddog can be confined there but doesn’t get anxious about being ‘shut in’ - she hates it if the door is shut.

Licky mat with frozen Greek yogurt was good as a distraction when we went out, also a snuffle mat with treats.

Also ddog very quickly picked up the difference between us being out of the house (enjoys licky mat & has a nap) or us being eg upstairs which gives her FOMO big time and cue whining. Although she never whines when I’m putting DC to bed because she knows there’s no point…