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Overwhelmed with new dog

19 replies

chels85 · 08/08/2023 08:14

Hoping for some kind advice. I have had dogs before but DH never has. We brought home a rescue dog last week. He is five years old, a mixed breed but around Labrador size. He seems to have settled in well, enjoys his walks and no accidents inside.
We all really wanted the dog and I thought I would feel elated but I just… don’t. I think I’m overwhelmed and forgot how much mental energy they take up. I don’t want to return him as he has been super.
I’m just hoping for some advice and reassurance that it does feel less overwhelming after a couple of weeks.

OP posts:
21ZIGGY · 08/08/2023 08:38

It gets so better and much quicker at that age of dog than with a pup. Dont expect too much from him or yourself.
If he seems settled enough, start some gentle training to bond

SirSniffsAlot · 08/08/2023 08:41

It gets a lot easier (usually). Eventually, you'll all sort of mould round each other.

Freysimo · 08/08/2023 08:52

I often felt like you in the early days of a new dog. You are just getting to know each other so please give yourself lots of time. Your dog sounds lovely, so please be patient with him and yourself.

Hoppinggreen · 08/08/2023 08:53

You have just met, you can’t be expected to fall in love with him just yet

Newpeep · 08/08/2023 09:04

Really really normal. Hang in there. It will get better as you start to bond.

StarkRealism · 08/08/2023 09:04

I got a rescue in 2019. He was 9 and had been mistreated. He was an actual angel. Absolutely no bother whatsoever. When we lost him last year we decided on another rescue (5 weeks later as I couldn’t be without) with a similar background but only 18 months old. Oh my word, he was such hard work. I thought I’d made a massive mistake. We argued about him, I lost my temper, cried, the works. It took about 3 months for us to gel. Lots of hard work but he’s come on leaps and bounds - smart, loving and keen to please. Looking back, my expectations were sky high after previous wonder dog and I underestimated how difficult the whole thing would be for all of us, dog included.
Hang in there, it’ll be worth it.

chels85 · 08/08/2023 09:39

Oh thank you everyone. I think that's it, I don't feel a bond with him yet. He is a nice dog but he doesn't feel like MY dog yet. Any tips for bonding? He likes being pet but isn't cuddly. Is it just walking, playing?

OP posts:
StarkRealism · 08/08/2023 09:46

Just keep doing what you’re doing. Be predictable, praise, play and be patient (I didn’t mean them to all start with a P!). Training also builds confidence and bonding. Ours now knows loads of tricks as we wanted to tire him out of an evening!

spiderlight · 08/08/2023 09:51

It's a huge adjustment - give it time. You basically have a stranger in the house at the moment. Reward-based training is brilliant for building bonds. Teach him some tricks if he already knows the basics.

Facefortheradio · 08/08/2023 09:57

We brought our rescue girl home 2 years ago. She was about the same age as your boy. We lost our last boy (aged 18) 6 months before and whilst she was much wanted she had big boots to fill.
I found that lots of walks, just me and her helped me to bond. The kids taught her tricks (she is so food motivated that she'll do anything for a dried sprat!) So we all had our own ways of bonding. DH naps with her after his night shifts. On the sofa she isn't allowed on 🙄
It takes time.

Nannyfannybanny · 08/08/2023 09:59

He's an adult, presumably he's had problems as he was a rescue. A week! I've always had dogs since I was a kid,3 rescues, give him time,he's got a lot to cope with. Some dogs just aren't cuddly. My last border collie lived to 17,we got her at 8 weeks,(already had one she was really soppy/cuddly) if you were lucky, she would walk over so you could stroke her, she got on fine with the other collie, didn't think much of the toy we got,no aggression, just not interested,loved playing ball and sticks.

Tessasanderson · 08/08/2023 10:08

Sounds like you have got a lovely basis for a long happy life together. He is doing everything you could wish from a rescue dog and settling in. Remember its not just your family that have to get used to him, he needs to learn about you all. The more he learns the more he will reward you imo. He is just waiting for the opportunity to show it in every way a dog can.

VinEtFromage · 08/08/2023 10:09

You need to bond, then everything feels a little easier. I'd take about half of his daily food out into a treat bag, do a lot of recall house/garden/walks. A lot of At heal walking and whatever other behaviour you'd like to see, reward, reward, reward.

can you pin down what exactly is overwhelming you? You might be able to put some things in place that reduce your stress?

i dog sit my friends lab a LOT at their house. He's gorgeous, but creates mess & chaos everywhere And I was forever hoovering, mopping, picking up chunks of destroyed toys. So now when I arrive I remove a few of the toys he has mostly shredded (and just leave a trail of filling/bits of 'string' everywhere) move a mat from the unused side door to put beside the one at the large first door of the bifold, put his water dish on a mat, and shut the lounge door.

all of this makes it much less work day to day (hour to hour).

Teach him a morning routine that works for his NEEDS, but with as much of your wants as possible. Big Lad gets taken outside for a wee (waits until you go out with him, won't go out alone) & a dental stick. Then settles down for a bit while I have a coffee, I've taught him nothing fun happens until I've had coffee.

we then go for a sniffy walk & when home play in the garden. He then settles down with a big biscuit while I have a shower etc & another coffee.

For me, that's the key. Meeting their NEEDS, but considering your own too in how that happens.

He knows we all have different routines, but that he still gets everything he needs xx

Onceuponaheartache · 08/08/2023 10:28

It will take more than a couple of weeks to form a bond.

Spend time with him, play. Walk, build trust. The bind will come.

tabulahrasa · 08/08/2023 10:36

chels85 · 08/08/2023 09:39

Oh thank you everyone. I think that's it, I don't feel a bond with him yet. He is a nice dog but he doesn't feel like MY dog yet. Any tips for bonding? He likes being pet but isn't cuddly. Is it just walking, playing?

Training, walking, playing and just time to get to know each other.

chels85 · 08/08/2023 11:08

Thank you all for the advice and reassurance. We will keep at it.

OP posts:
bingohandjob · 08/08/2023 11:11

He's getting to know and trust you as much as you are with him. Consistency has been key for developing a unique bond with my dog (in that he loves everyone but when he's anxious or spooked he comes to me for safety, reassurance, and comfort). We have established a morning routine that works well for our home lifestyle and the dog - lots of mental stimulation and games to sniff out his daily food. Whenever I've bought him chew or fetch toys I always get two to reach him to drop one/get one and leave it which have all been really useful to then take into daily life - he's a greedy lab but knows drop it/leave it out and about so doesn't scavenge (other than the irresistible fox poo 🤢).

I had puppy blues for AGES when we got our lab and I don't think it would have been any different if he'd been an older dog - massive change to your lifestyle, ongoing commitment for hopefully many happy years, expectations of instant joy etc etc when actually it was really hard going for ages. He's two and a half and I think it's really in the last 12 months we've formed a rock solid special bond.

WhippyLongStocking · 08/08/2023 23:59

2 1/2 weeks in with my new rescue. She’s much younger at 10 months. I thought we’d had a good day but just stepped in a damp patch on the carpet.

she feels like a nice dog (most of the time) but not my dog yet.

my last 2 were 5 when we adopted them but my expectations were much lower. I had no idea how much I would grow to love them and what a broken hearted mess I would be when they died 8 1/2 years later.

RosaKim · 20/09/2023 21:17

How is it going op?

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