Considering a pup, am I mad?

[riverseek]

I'm a dog person, had dogs growing up and 1 as an adult with an ex. I've been with DH (cat person) for >10 years and we have 2 primary school aged kids (8+). We also have an elderly cat.

I've always wanted another dog, previous ones have been rescues/mongrels, but as we have old enough but still young kids I thought a puppy would be best this time around. We rented until last year so it wasn't a consideration but now we're in our own house and my youngest is a more sensible age I am at the stage where I am seriously considering a dog.

DH and I have spent many months discussing this as he's not a dog person. I didn't think it was fair getting a dog when he's not particularly keen. He, OTOH, thinks it's unfair me never having a dog again because of my love for them and he sees how happy they make me. Our kids are 100% onboard.

This isn't a thread about whether this is a good idea for my family or not because my husband and I have come to an understanding about it between us.

I'm looking for advice on getting a puppy as I've not had one I'm solely responsible for or bought one before. I've been looking into what dog breed could be most suitable for us and also trying to figure out finding a suitable breeder etc etc.

However a FB friend shared their friend's post who has a litter of puppies ready mid August. She has both parents, it's mum's first litter, she is 2.5 and a Cockerpoo, dad is a cocker spaniel. They are £1500 each and live not too far from us. I have contacted her to ask some Qs and we can visit. I haven't committed to this yet as I know there is no going back once me and the kids have seen the little bundles of love.

I work from home, DH doesn't work. I have ADHD and therefore can be impulsive. I've spoken to DH and he's said I take it we're going to visit then but I've not decided that yet. I am just back from 2 weeks AL so won't be able to take much time off when the pup gets here if we take one of these.

I need other dog people to give it to me straight please.

You don’t mention your elderly cat at all - does it want to live with a puppy?

I’ve known a handful of people who add a dog to cat households. Every single cat has hated it and protested in some way. Mostly by becoming more distant. One found a new home. Should an elderly pet feel displaced? I felt like a couple of my friends got dogs because their cats were “boring” and old. Pets are a lifetime commitment.

This aside… Buying puppies and contributing to the pet trade 😬 There are puppies and young adolescent dogs in rescues. But realistically an adult dog that was predictable would actually be a better pick and less likely to irritate a non dog person like your partner. Puppies are a hell of a lot of work.

Lastly… is it fair to the dog for one of its 2 owners to not actually like them conceptually? There is scope for ending up in a very tense situation and ultimately needing to rehome the dog. Dog ownership is a lifestyle. To do it right involves a lot of input and sacrifice. Yes, it’s rewarding. But a lot of people who are united in wanting a dog struggle. Let alone those who are offering to own one in sufferance.

I wouldn’t do it. If you really do want to do it there is no rush and buying from this litter is moving far too quickly.

I have nothing but contempt for dog breeders even though I know I’ll get shot for that comment.

There are so many dogs needing to be rehomed it feels entirely immoral to be bringing more into the world.

Plus it’s so hard on a bitch to have a litter that it feels really cruel to inflict that on an animal to make cash.

I could never ever support that industry and even more so home breeders who just use their own ‘pet’ to make some cash.

Of course it’s a cockerpoo.

have you looked into it? Are you prepared for a pup that has all the worst traits of a cocker and a poodle?

why have they had a litter? if they planned the litter properly why don’t they have a waiting list? Finding homes for puppies after they’re here is an irresponsible gamble. (What’s the bet a home has “fallen through” so they have a pup available- funny how often that happens).

Have they done proper genetic tests and health tests on both parents? Pups been chipped and vaccinated?

It’s not just about you o/p, but about supporting healthy breeding practices.

All the above.

£1500 for a bloody crossbreed , it's just outrageous

am just back from 2 weeks AL so won't be able to take much time off when the pup gets here if we take one of these

Just your paragraph above speaks volumes, you cannot take much time off for a new puppy?? 😕 they're incredibly hard work

This is why I posted. My head is telling me this litter is not a good idea but my heart is saying another.

My plan was more research, speak to some breeders and plan it that way with AL booked. We're the closest to being ready to seriously look into making that commitment. But then I saw the FB post.

Of course the cat is a consideration and one of the main reasons I haven't ploughed on already.

Quite apart from anything else, OP, Puppies are, to put it mildly, a hell of a lot of work! Their utterly dependent stage may be shorter than that of a baby, but during that time they are more work than a newborn and more tiring. You are absolutely tied with them. A baby you can put in a carrier and to some extent go about your day. Not so a pup. You say you work from home but that can mean a lot of different things. How much time do you have during the day realistically? How well will your family cope with the housetraining phase (which can go on a long time depending on your pup)? What resources do you have in place if the pup develops separation anxiety, or can’t travel in a car, or gets hyper excited on walks and barks the whole way, or …list goes on. I had a dog the had all three of these last traits and to be absolutely honest he made our lives hell. He was a rescue so we got some support with him and after a few years he mostly settled but with a puppy, that’s just you. Even if they are ‘dreamboats’ in behaviour, they need constant attention and training. You need to plan their exercise for their stage of development, which may or may not fit in with family plans, and when you are out you’re never ‘off duty’ as people will always want to interrupt you and make a fuss of your pup, and you have to manage their expectations while protecting your pup from social overload. Your own kids may need a lot of guidance on how to
manage life with a puppy and that’s down to you to manage too. I’m not saying it’s not worth it, but I’d really think on before buying a puppy and I would never ever get one on a whim.

with respect to your friend’s litter, I wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole. The friendship may not survive and in any case you are not ready. Take some time OP to think this through properly and really consider where this pup fits into your life, and how you would have to change it (because whatever the pup, you Will have to change, that’s just life). Good luck OP

Have a six month old pup. I don't work. Kids are 17 & 22. DH at work 5-4.
Garden.
Know the breed.
It's been f*ing hard work!!!
Utterly rewarding but I'd suggest pause your plan for a while.

In my experience, rescues will not place rescue dogs with kids. That’s why we went with a puppy.

I took three weeks off work when we took ours home - it was like having a new born baby! I was like a sleep deprived zombie. Then my husband worked from home for a month. It was tough.

My kids, who were all absolutely desperate for a dog, have lost interest. They do none of the graft.

Ours is a poodle cross (yes, I know!). At the time it felt like fate - similar situation to you - someone I knew had a litter. They’d done all the testing. It was in my local area. I got to meet the mum and dad…

But she’s nuts. Every vet, dog groomer, dog walker and dog trainer I’ve met since having her has been quick to tell me that poodle crosses are often crazy and unpredictable.

Why would you assume you can hand pick the best traits from two breeds? It doesn’t work like that. I love our dog dearly, and she has many good traits, but compared to other puppies of the same age from other breeds, she’s crazy. Her parents are calm, as are her siblings. And none of them shed, whereas she does.

Your elderly cat probably wouldn't like having an energetic young puppy around. Couldn't you wait until the cat is no longer around?

I have a 16 week old puppy. It's just my DH and me at home. Neither of us work.
It is exhausting. One of us has to be with her constantly or she will mess in the house.
She can currently only go for 15 minute walks, so we can't take her out for a long time. We can't take her anywhere like a cafe as she is not fully toilet trained.
About 5 o'clock she gets the 'zoomies' and thunders round the house and garden, destroying half the plants in the process. My lavender bush is a particular favourite and has been flattened.
She is all teeth and her bites hurt. When my granddaughter visits we have to be extremely vigilant.
We have to get up in the night and early morning to take her outside to the loo.
I expect this will go on for months. That's ok for us, we're retired. With a young family and work I wouldn't even consider it.

You say you’ll plan for when you have AL. How long is that? 2 weeks? You’ll need months to devote to raising a puppy.

Oh yes @iwantawisteriathisyear. How could I forget the biting stage? My arms were completely shredded with scratch marks from her teeth when she was a small puppy.

For all those saying puppys are hard work your obviously not doing it right. I have 5 dogs, 2 of those are 15 week old Cockapoos. I don't find it hard at all yes they are like baby's and you need eyes in the back of your head but come on sleep deprived? Can't leave the pup for a minute? Mine are crate trained, they come out be fed have a play in the garden and fuss and then back in their crate to sleep. Mine go in their crates when I go out or if it's going to be an all day thing we go places we can't take them with us. They are very much like kids but if you get them used to the crate they will walk themselves into them for naps and alone time. Puppys need about 18 hrs of sleep a day. All this drama is not needed I think yous justlike making Life harder for yourself. In 5 weeks I've housetrained, crate trained learned them five commands, and raw feed 5 dogs, plus 2 kids 6/9 and a run a business 🤦🏻‍♀️

Op dogs are a huge commitment and live long. Even if you do lots of research on the breeds it doesn't mean you'll get that each dog is an individual and have different needs and traits so you never know what your going to end up with.

I think people are being a little harsh on here! Mumsnet is incredibly anti dog atm!

It does sound like you have done a lot of thinking about this. I would say your not in the worst position to have a puppy. Far from in it.

From a practical perspective how on board is your DH? Is he willing to play a significant role in bringing up and training puppy? Or will it all fall to you.
I won't sugar coat that puppies are bloody hard work! They need a lot of time and attention and not always at the most convenient moments.

You say you work from home. What does that look like? Can you have the puppy with you in the same room for example or are you constantly in meetings or on the phone?

I would have a playpen for a puppy so they can be contained away from the cat. The cat needs to always have an escape route and spaces where they can retreats to away from the puppy. Same for the children.

In terms of this litter - is this really the breed you want? If you could have any dog what would it be? In some ways having puppies from people you know can actually be a good thing as you really do know their background. But it could also be a disaster!
Do your homework. Find out what health tests they have done and why they chose to breed this litter.

I think it's a bit different when you bring a puppy into a multiple dog household vs just having the one pup especially if it's your first pup.

When I last had pups I got 3 within 18months of each other, I trained them pretty easily and the rest of the time they'd play with each other wearing themselves out and I didn't feel I needed to watch them like a hawk, they came to me for cuddles but the rest of the time they'd entertain themselves.

This time 13years later I have just the one pup and although she's been super easy to train with all the basics and was fully house trained within 2 weeks she was a complete menace for the first 5-6 months. Had to have eyes in the back of my head because she was always getting up to something, there's no other dogs in the house so when she wasn't napping/getting taught commands she'd just terrorise me when she was bored of her toys. 😂 I don't remember the others being anywhere near as much as a pain and I put it down to the fact they just entertained each other whereas she only has me.

She's just turned one now and a little Angel but she didn't half test my sanity at times. I will say I never had sleep deprivation because she just slept in a bed next to mine and she only ever had 1 night where she needed a wee, she's slept through since day one otherwise.

Our cat was 6 and hated the pup, after a few months the pup calmed down and the cat has accepted the dog now. The explore the garden together and the cat is affectionate to the dog.

We have a cockerpoo, she naughty affectionate and a fun dog.

The first few weeks are really hard and then they settle.

How are you going to train a puppy when you're working full-time?

Will your DH be willing and able to pick up the slack or will be become increasingly resentful that he's stuck doing the grunt work for a puppy he didn't even want to begin with?

My ex got a cocker cross puppy. The fourth dog he has had. Gentle parents, all lovely, supposedly. DS who was 10 and is very sensible, was rolling a ball with her in ex's presence, when puppy bit DS' hand through to the bone.

He required anti-tet booster, stitches, and the hospital informed the police because dog bites to children are now notifiable. If there was a second incident, the police would push for the dog to be destroyed. Ds got an infection and needed 10 days of broad spectrum antibiotics.

Ex's wife wouldn't get rid of the puppy. DS didn't want to go to his dad's any more.

It just caused a lot of trouble. DS still doesn't like dogs much and only goes to his dad's about twice a year. 🙁

I think eight is a hood age to start. Lots of negativity on here.

Personally I would have found a dosnirl too bouncy with kids, but you know your family best. Good luck!

You can't work from home with a young pup. You'll get no work done! A pup is a full time commitment for months and a life changing commitment for years and years.

I don’t think it’s fair to get a dog if your spouse is not keen.

God I love my dog but he was a bastard twat knob as a puppy/adolescent. You might be okay with it OP. And you’re not around when it first arrives at the house? So how’s that going to work with a partner who doesn’t want a dog? What could possibly go wrong? Good luck.

Not sure it’s everyone else not doing it right

I can't say I've ever found the puppy stage particularly difficult, though I'm sure that there is some luck involved there. I work full time, as does my husband, though we are fortunate enough to have flexible schedules and work from home much of the time. We have always been able to tag team when our puppies were young. However, if your DH won't be participating in puppy care, that will make everything more complicated.

Now may not be the perfect time for you to bring home a puppy. And as much as you may want to just buy a puppy now, this particular litter isn't your one and only chance for a dog. So my advice would be to wait for a bit, decide on the breed that suits your family best, talk to some breeders, and take things slowly.