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Please talk to me about the Puppy Blues

10 replies

Chihowhow · 21/07/2023 10:34

I am a very anxious person. I knew this going in to getting a puppy and have had dogs before (our last boy was with us for 8 years-we adopted him at 2.5) and he passed away when dd was 4. Dd is now 6. We have brought home a beautiful chihuahua puppy, she is absolutely adored by all of us, but I have this underlying sense of tearfulness and anxiety. Nothing bad has happened, the pup is absolutely as she should be (nippy and bitey-she definitely likes the really thin skin on the top of your feet 😂) but also beautiful and cuddly and sleepy and just wonderful. Is it normal to feel like this? I am worried that I am deficient/defective in some way or that there is something wrong with me. I am definitely anxious about negotiating the six week holidays with dd and the pup together all the time. Does this pass? I feel like a bad dog owner for having these feelings!

OP posts:
Spanielsarepainless · 21/07/2023 11:02

I think you have The Ordinary Blues. The Puppy Blues are different and are caused by the puppy's behaviour over the first month of so of ownership rather than your anxiety. I'd see your GP.

BigBundleOfFluff · 21/07/2023 11:48

Oh bless you sound like me at the start. I'll give the ending first - I have a just over 1 year old pup - we adore each other and I love coming downstairs in the morning to start our days, life is different to what we had pre pup but overall it's a better now with her in it.
However at the start I was shocked by how I felt. I knew it would be hard, I'm not naive. But still couldn't believe the overwhelming sense of panic, thinking i'd ruined everyone's lives and just not knowing if everyone was happy. Add in mourning my old life and I was a mess. Plus - and this made it worse - my pup was a dream.
I can't say what helped apart from time. My wailing everyday shifted to just crying and then crying not very often and then it just clicked. I'd say by the time a couple months had passed we were all happy.
A routine and lots of wine/chocolate helped with me.
Not an exceedingly help reply but you will get there, afraid need to give it time. I'm even considering when to get another puppy now!

Chihowhow · 21/07/2023 14:38

@BigBundleOfFluff thank you! That is exactly how I am feeling!! You have written an incredibly helpful reply. Thank you!

I am mourning my ability to just nip out on a whim or go out for a few hours at a time (previously we would have gone out for day trips during the holidays and now they seem to be off the timetable), and I feel guilty because I do feel so anxious when she is such an easy pup.

She doesn’t like being in her crate, but she has just been taken from her mum, dad and littermates, so no wonder! Her little accidents are tiny and easy to clean up, she is nippy but is easily re-directed, so why do I feel like this? She is a dream pup! I’m also scared that this is just the getting to know you stage-she is being on her best behaviour because she is in a new place, and it will get very hard very quickly once she settles in and sleeps less. I’m not great with the unknown!

I feel like I am doing dd a disservice because she has the whole of the six week holidays coming up, but we can’t leave the house for too long to go to the play area of the park or the trampoline park because we can’t leave the pup on her own for long periods. I’m scared that it will turn into a summer of tv, toilet training and a very bored 6 year old. I’m hoping lots of little walks will help-fresh air helps most things!!

The redeeming factor is definitely the amount of love I feel for her-I was very scared that I wouldn’t love her as much as I do, and dd adores her, so we just need to wait for the less pleasant feelings to pass. Thank you for telling me that they do!

OP posts:
BigBundleOfFluff · 21/07/2023 14:45

You've just reminded me of 1 time when I wasn't able to take my youngest (10 so she can easily take herself) to football practise. I burst into tears as couldn't leave pup - it's just me and my kids so couldn't take her. She calmly said back - but you never take me and if you do because it's raining you just sit in the car!
Completely irrational and emotional from me. Now dog fits in fine, it is a new normal but the slight inconveniences are so worth it with life with the friendliest, warmest most affectionate goofball addition to our small family. Don't get me wrong she can still be a complete arsewipe and can be mortifying out and about but I laugh about it now rather than sobbing.

spiderlight · 21/07/2023 14:49

It's all very normal and it will pass, and it shows that you're really engaged and switched on to your puppy's needs, which will pay off in spades as she grows up. Could pup go with you to the park in a sling? My friend took hers everywhere in what looked like a baby carrier - cue lots of surprised old ladies who asked for a peek and discovered a Kelpie instead of a baby!

Also, you can't post a puppy question without paying the photo tax!!

Rowgtfc72 · 21/07/2023 15:02

By 3 months I'd have sold our pup on ebay. He spoilt my life as I knew it. Every decision I made had to be arranged round him. Most of the care was being left to me. He had me in tears and I'm not a crier.
I've had a puppy before but then we had another dog that took some of the pressure off.
By 6 months we were talking about getting another dog. The last 3 months completely forgotten. He fits in perfectly. He's part of us.

Puppy blues

Hazelnuttella · 21/07/2023 15:06

Did you find it difficult when your DD was a baby?

I remember reading a thread on here quite a while ago about someone who had post natal depression a few years previously, and having a new puppy brought all those feelings back for her.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 21/07/2023 15:09

It definitely came close to PND for me. I would happily have let him run away if the guilt wasn’t so strong

Chihowhow · 21/07/2023 16:30

Puppy tax very happily paid!! I’ve ordered a puppy sling-we go to the play park a lot, so if this means that we can go I will be absolutely thrilled!! It also means that we can go for walks without worrying how long her little legs will last. Thank you for such a good idea!!

@Hazelnuttella I had a really rough time with dd as a baby- months and months of screaming due to allergies, silent reflux and a suspected brain tumour due to developmental issues and months-long vomiting and failure to thrive (thankfully scans came back clear) all done as a single mum as ex couldn’t “hack it” which resulted in severe general and health anxiety from me. She still has a few issues now and we are still under the paediatrician but nothing as bad as it was. I never thought that getting a puppy would bring it all back.

Thank you all so much for being so candid. I was honestly thinking that all my feelings were swrong and made me an unfit dog owner. Thank you so much for your reassurance.

Please talk to me about the Puppy Blues
Please talk to me about the Puppy Blues
OP posts:
spiderlight · 21/07/2023 17:12

Oh my goodness!! Absolutely gorgeous! ❤️

I hope the sling helps to make things a bit easier!

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